12 month old - self settling

[SkyBlue1987]

Hi all I am trying to help my 12 month old fall asleep in his cot. He has needed a lot of help to sleep by either feeding (me) or rocking (daycare and his dad). He wakes once at night around 3am and properly cries so I feed/change him and he goes back down easily. This morning he woke again at 5.30am and was whimpering (not properly crying) so I left him for 10 mins and he went back to sleep (or went quiet) for 5 mins then woke up and started whimpering again. After another 5-10 mins of whimpering I got him up as couldn’t listen to it much longer. I don’t think he was cold it was 20 degrees in his room and he had a 2.5 bag on plus a light weight all in one suit. He does the same thing when I put him to bed awake - rolls around in his bed whimpering but not crying. Is this type of crying common when babies are trying to settle themselves, should I be leaving him to settle on his own or keep getting him up?

He's tiny and he wants to be close to his parents.

This.

The whimpering could be because he’s teething or in pain and as the posters above said, he wants to feel close to his parents.

Until they are old enough to tell you exactly what’s wrong never assume it’s without a reason.

Yes I agree - however co sleeping is not an option he needs to sleep in his cot. Husband with sleep apnea and five year old already in my bed.

Why does the 12 month old baby have to sleep in his cot rather than their 5 year old sibling needs to stay in their own bed? Or husband goes into one of their beds and you sleep on a big mattress on floor with one each side?

The five year old comes in during the middle of the night - I can’t stop him. Maybe in some houses co sleeping works but not in ours. I am personally of the view co sleeping is not usually safe TBH (it can be - but it’s often not). I’d worry my eldest (who also slept in a cot until 2) would step on him as he sleepwalked into the bed, or he’d leave the door open and the 12 month old would wander out the door etc.

Christ. 12 months old.
I still "settle" (parent?) my 6yo.

What if you put your DH on a mattress on floor in the 5yo room, and a gate across to stop coming into your bed? Or 12 mo on side of bed away from door so the 5yo can get in side nearest door?

I guess I just don't see why your instinct is to force the baby to sleep independently while you're fine with the fact your older child won't. It just feels like you're prioritising/favouring the eldest over the youngest in this. It's double standards to say oh I can't cosleep with youngest because cosleeping isnt safe when you've been merrily cosleeping with the elder sibling for years! If it being 'unsafe' was a driver you'd be working on stopping the 5yo coming in.

Jeezz I feel like this got into a discussion about co-sleeping which I wasn’t asking about. 😂FYI I never co slept with my eldest until he was about 2.5 years old, I would never co sleep with an infant. There is a different between an infant and a 5 year old. My anxiety about squishing them (however unlikely) would prevent me sleeping. My baby is fine, he’s comforted to sleep (and has been for a year). He’s attended to immediately when he cries, he’s BF on demand (even at night), he’s not left long when he grizzles. I was more asking if it’s common for babies to grizzle when half awake/going to sleep and if I interrupt am I waking him up more. I’ve never had a child who put themself to sleep so am unsure - we still lie with my five year old. A habit that is partly our fault. I don’t want to just assume my baby will be the same when he may be keen on going to sleep alone. Kids are all different - plenty of infants/kids go off to sleep by themselves. My niece is 8 months old and magically goes off to sleep when my sister pops her in the cot - I couldn’t believe it.

Yes, it is normal for babies to grizzle a bit when self-settling. It's fine to leave them. If he needs you, he'll cry.

Wow what a pile on, not everyone wants to cosleep. I personally don't like it, never did it and have no regrets not doing it. In my opinion it's not compatible with all families and for some it's dangerous.
Op I would go with the flow and let them settle first unless outright crying and upset. With your 5 year old I would ask what's wrong and if nothing I would put them back to bed

Is your baby teething? My DS had awful trouble with his molars and needed a lot of cuddles (and various pain killers/soothers) at that time. I don't think a baby fusses without good reason and crying/being unsettled is their way of letting you know something isn't right. It could also be a phase where they just need reassurance/to know you are close by.

I'd definitely leave him to whimper/grizzle and see if he settles.

If he wakes at 3am I'd just offer water (ideally send dad in) and not feed or change.

No issue with not Co sleeping. The issue I take is when parents force children to "self settle" (note, they just learn their cries aren't answered)

Why? Breast milk is a child's main source of nutrition at that age not to mention comfort.

Because I liked to sleep at night 😄

If this was the case then surely these children would never cry? But I don't think that's the case.

At a year old they're transitioning to food being their main source of nutrition. They're also at the point where they can take on enough nutrients/calories during the day to get through the night. There is no harm in night weaning a one year old (unless there is a specific medical reason of course, but I assume the OP would have mentioned it her baby had a medical need to be fed overnight).

@AllYearsAround I'm wondering why you're advising OP to do that.

Wow there's some harsh comments on here. OP has said she picks up her baby and puts him back down she's not let him cry for hours. I also don't like co sleeping and worry too much to do it. There's plenty of us who feel the same op just not on Mumsnet apparently.

I'd say getting a baby to self settle is easier to do for their nap first. You'll have more energy and it won't affect your sleep. There's lots of methods. Pick up put down is essentially what you've done already. They won't get it straight away but keep trying. Tbh at night for now, just do whatever gets them back to sleep quicker. Mine just dropped his feed himself at 14 months.

Try it with his nap and see how you get on. Also yes, some babies do grizzle before they fall asleep. Not a full on cry, but a grizzle is normal.

I'm taking a wild guess that she'd like her baby to self settle and sleep through the night...