What's parenting like for you if you didn't know any children before having your own?

[NotAHappyBunnyHugger]

My partner (29M) and I (26F) are hoping to have our first baby within the next 3 years. Neither of us grew up with younger siblings or cousins and none of our friends our age have children yet, so we have very little experience with kids. I babysat a bit as a teenager but my partner didn't and I can count the times I've seen him interact with a child on one hand.
If you were in a similar situation before having kids, what was parenting like for you? Did you feel it put you at a disadvantage? Obviously we can go to classes and we've read a few parenting books but I can't help feeling like we're woefully underprepared!

I was the same as you. My sons are now 19 and 16 . Yes it's been difficult at times but I'm so proud of them. I just wish I could have found the instructions manual at times!! 😁

I worked with in play settings, aged 8 up and taught secondary age. It didn’t prepare me for having children.

This is somehow both reassuring and terrifying 😂

I feel like it was an advantage. I followed my own instincts and didn't have anyone to tell me how they did things or how I should be doing things. Then I naturally fell into mother groups with other mothers who parented in a similar way to me.

Very tricky at first. Mine are 26 and 28 so there was no internet and surprisingly few parenting books.
I had never so much as held a baby before giving birth. I had no friends with children, never been in any contact with children of any age other than once being a child.

I was 37 and used to a professional career where I knew all the answers and there was a known solution to every problem.

In a way I think it would be harder now. So many websites telling you the right and wrong way to do things, not least Mumsnet.

I think it’s a good thing. I worked with kids and babies, knew lots of them - I thought I knew. Having your own is nothing like knowing kids. I thought it would be fine, DH thought it would be fecking hard - he had a pleasantly surprisingly lovely experience and I suffered with all the ways reality didn’t meet expectations. Just know that it will be hard, and wonderful, and everything else in between. Don’t worry too much about the books and don’t google too much. Trust wise women in your life like women used to. Develop good habits of communication with your partner now and work on resolving conflicts when you’re both stressed. Everyone is woefully underprepared, don’t worry about that part.

I honestly think it’s exactly the same, maybe with less expectations. Dh and I were probably the first of our friends to have dc. I’m an only child and Dh is the youngest of 2. Neither of us had even held a baby before we had our own! I don’t think it made any difference. The experience of children you get being around friends and family is absolutely nothing like parenting. In fact, all our friends who spent time around ours all said, oh my god, I had no idea it was like this, when they had their own. Also just because you know people who have children doesn’t mean you want to emulate their parenting. You may be completely different kinds of people, as parents, even if you’re friends. I almost think it’s easier to start with a blank slate and no expectations.

I was in the same boat in terms of babies and toddlers, and so was my husband. I don't feel it disadvantaged us really, other than having to learn some practical baby care skills right at the start. But that took a few days and it seemed like my friends who had looked after babies before also struggled anyway when it was their own. The main struggles with having an infant aren't really about knowledge as much as about hormones, lack of sleep, how overwhelming the care is etc. And that's something everyone goes through, even those who have kids already (although I imagine it's less each time).

I was a teacher so I had an advantage on the "academic" side (as stupid as that sounds regarding babies). It made choosing toys and activities easier and made me less worried about milestones, as I had an idea of how development progressed. But my husband and most of my friends didn't, and they've all coped just as well as I have.

I watched a lot of supernanny when pregnant, then copied strategies of parents I respected at toddler groups.

Same here OP. I had spent very little time with any kids under about 10 I'd say. It's been hard not least because I expected it to be fine or great, and a lot of the time it hasn't been either! My partner who was much more negative about how the early years would be has had a better experience I think. Set your expectations accordingly!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…working with kids, being around kids, babysitting lots is NOT the same as parenting! The emotional involvement and investment is not there for any other scenario…and that’s the most taxing part!

It's very difficult parenting but I can't imagine it being any easier if I'd had nephews and nieces occasionally first. It just isn't the same looking after other people's kids for short periods, being able to give them back and following other parents rules. I did find my second baby much easier though! Just read some parenting books of your chosen style first and go to an antenatal class. If you want to breastfeed learn about it from books and Kellymom etc and find a local support group. It will give you confidence.

I do think spending a lot of time looking after babies and toddlers before I had my own taught me some practical skills and helped give me a realistic outlook on what parenthood is actually like but going to toddler groups and things like that and spending time with other parents with children of all different ages was actually the most helpful thing when I first became a parent and even now.

That being said they’re all so different it’s always a learning curve anyway. I’m on #6 and I’m still learning new things

The first baby I ever held was my own.

I reckon there's probably a correlation between people who know a lot of children prior to having their own and living in a large, supportive family or community. If anything made my experience harder, it was the fact that I was doing it all on my own, rather than the fact that I didn't know any children previously.