Has anyone ever showed up at a party without RSVPing?

[december2020]

It's DC's birthday party tomorrow and it's all systems go!
He has invited his friends from pre-school and 3 people have not RSVPd. I'm not able to chase them up as they're his first batch of friends and I don't have anyone's number, so it's a classic case of sending invites into pre-school.
I haven't asked the staff about it, as frankly, I don't really think it is their job to track invites and they have already been kind enough to put them in the bags/hand them to parents.

But I had a fleeting thought this evening of what if one of them shows up tomorrow unannounced. I haven't prepped any extras (ike party bags) and I have had to confirm final numbers to the venue, so I wouldn't know what to do!

Has anyone ever turned up unexpectedly to your party? And what did you do?

I’ve never done this but it has happened at 3 of my DD’s parties over the years, all were ones which I had to confirm and pay per person with venue. I’ve alway made extra party bags (as people may turn up with other siblings too), and the activities have all been the type where I’ve been able to just pay for the extra heads on the day. No matter how I organised and communicated with invitees (including like confirming 5 times with people) at least one person rocks up who hasn’t confirmed!

Give the venue a list of names who have RSVPd. Anyone not on the list who turns up it is the venue's responsibility to deal with. It may be possible for them to pay their own way depending on the venue. Party bags are tricky. I always did a few "spares" for just in case.

Unfortunately, this is quite common.

Teach them a lesson and turn them away. If their child is upset it's on them, not you.

I always had extra party bags just in case.

I’ve always had people turn up who haven’t RSVP’d and then siblings coming along as well and expecting to be involved. One year we were expecting 15 kids and we ended up with over 20. DC was so upset as it ruined the dynamic of the activity we had planned.

The worst one though was a mum who RSVP’d at 10pm the night before, then didn’t turn up the next day until the party was just finishing. The child arrived and said oh I just came for the party bag! Needless to say next time they were not invited!

Did you give them the party bag?!

Most venues where it is pay per child will ask for a guest list and if a child is not on that list won't be allowed in. It's your discretion if you'd want to pay for any children who didn't RSVP.
Re party bags or food boxes if you're DIYing food it's always good to have spares. As you don't; no harm in saying 'oh I'm sorry I didn't know you were coming so we don't have one for you' and giving them some extra cake if you're feeling generous or something.

I don't think many people would have it in them to be this harsh to a child.

No, probably not. That's why it keeps happening I suppose!

Fuck, I'm in for a wild ride tomorrow I see!

I'm pretty sure we have enough food even if all 3 turn up - so it would just be the lack of party bags. But did not assume siblings could show up too. The venue has a max. capacity of guests allowed so I don't have too much buffer here with "walk ins".

DH is going to be on standby tomorrow if we need a few "emergency party bags" making.

Tomorrow will be fun!

Also for everyone who had this happen - what cheeky shits not RSVPing and just rocking up!

Silly but I think some people don’t know what RSVP means might be an idea to say please let me know if you are coming.

My partner is French and I only found out the other month that he doesn't know what rsvp means. So, it is possible

the irony!

We're in the exact same situation op but I managed to get someone to message my missing rsvp mum last night and yes she confirmed she was coming 🫣 hasn't told me though 😂

Unfortunately this is kids' parties. Especially difficult if it's nursery/preschool and you can't contact the parents beforehand. Yes to having additional party bags in case (but also don't be too surprised if you have some no-shows without explanation). Helpful if you can say whether you want parents to stay or not (and for when they're older and do get left, get the parents' numbers)

We did things that didn't involve paying per child until they were older and we were more sure about who was reliable. It does get noticed if there's a child who says they're coming and then doesn't show up. Invitations tend to dry up, which is not nice for the child.

My record was EIGHT more kids than we were expecting, five of whom were siblings of invited kids, who all sat down for food and came up to me at the end expecting party bags.

I haven't done it because I'm not an arsehole but I have found a crinkled invite in the bottom of DDs bag when she was small. I also sent an apologetic text saying it had been missed and I hoped it hadn't caused any concern.

I have been on the receiving end. I did a whole class party and only a few got back to us and the panic! It carried on as she got older and I became slightly more relaxed but never actually relaxed. She is currently in the phase of sleepovers and best friends only but looks like house parties or hired halls are coming back in so I dread the shit show.

It’s never personally happened to me, but for party bags, I just have an extra bag and they get a slice of cake and that’s it. If it’s genuinely an issue of capacity at the venue, then you may have to turn them away. Otherwise, just pay for them and off they go.

A small update -

Party is over and everyone who said they'd come did and no "walk ins" either! Crisis averted!

Though the cake is all gone and I was hoping to have some leftover for this evening or tomorrows

It's always worth having a few extra party bags

Yes about four did for our last bday party - always have extra party bags etc!

Glad it all went well, apart from the cake. Next time, give the party kids cheap cup cakes and save the decent cake for home!

Do the French not actually use this term then? I've heard of other nationalities not knowing what it meant but had assumed we stole it from France to be pretentious or something!

I wouldn't do extra party bags in case people showed up.

Glad it went well OP.

purser25
Silly but I think some people don’t know what RSVP means might be an idea to say please let me know if you are coming.

My partner is French and I only found out the other month that he doesn't know what rsvp means. So, it is possible

@SillyNavySnail it's French! 🤣