Child hitting DD at a softplay - should I have said something?

[kva]

The other day DD and I were at a fairly quiet soft play with only one another child and his mom. The kid (6.5) invited DD (3.5) to play. Everything was good at first, they are running around in circles, laughing, etc. Then suddenly he picks up pillows and hits DD with them quite hard (not sure if that was sort of a game for him too?). DD bursts into tears, I pick her up, cuddle her and she tells me a few times about how the boy hit her. The boy and his mom don't react although they both clearly see what's going on. I say to DD he 'did not do it on purpose' (although he clearly did) and we leave soon.

Should I have just said something to the boy's mum? I had a feeling that DD wanted me to talk to them but I was not sure what to say? What would you do???

Lots of people are being deliberately obtuse because you called those big heavy horrible leathery soft play pieces "pillows". Apparently none of these people have ever been to a soft play, don't know what equipment they have, and are just making shit up to have a go at you about.

No it's not ok what he did. He was not kind and a 6.5 year old should know better. Actually should he have been at school?

I always say something like "hey! Hey! Don't hurt DD's name she's only 2!" or "That wasn't kind, you hit her."

Sometimes if the parents are "that" type though I then just leave that area asap and keep moving away from the child in question.

softplay etc can be awkward when other parents aren’t reacting to what their kids are doing 🤷🏻‍♀️ if your DD is hurt, stick up for her. It doesn’t have to be hugely confrontational.

Provided DD wasn’t majorly hurt etc and the boy was playing nicely the rest of the time, I would have assumed he was quite used to playing with kids his own age at soft play and just got carried away without thinking of your DDs age.

I would have said something to the boy though. I’d have checked DD was ok and I’d have said something like “that’s a bit too rough, remember she’s quite a bit smaller than you so let’s go back to being more gentle please”. If he didn’t id have removed DD and spoken to the mum.

Interesting. I always thought telling someone else's kid is a no no (unless we know them very well) and it should be resolved on the parent level. Probably better than saying nothing though (as I did)

I used to say “we don’t hit other children” directly to the child. Within ear shot of mother. She might jump up to apologise but experience tells me that’s probably unlikely.

In the instance if your DD, I’d not have said he didn’t do it on purpose.

he hit me
“yes he did and he should have said sorry”
again, within ear shot of mother.

A definite firm 'no don't do that it's not very nice' would have been my response. Plus probably a glare to the mother for not intervening and stopping her child herself.

Not sure why other people are thinking bed pillows are part of a soft play (Lol)

Yeah, that's my experience too. Usually parents would intervene. If someone cries they would definitely step up.

It’s not a no no, it’s an essential in some areas. If the mother wants to be starting something, you just calmly say “please supervise your child, he is hitting the other children”.

it doesn’t have to be dramatic.

I’m also not here for this gentle parenting of other peoples kids while the actual parent is in full sight. My own kids get a gentle word, but if I’m parentis in absentia, you’re not getting “no darling I know you didn’t mean to do blah blah blah, let’s play nicely” because maybe they did mean to do it.

straight facts, no assumptions on motive - we don’t hit.

Well they did not look rough or anything like that at all. The boy was very friendly, chatty (perhaps even a bit too chatty with the adult he does not know). The mum just read quietly not far from us. It all was a bit strange but thinking of it I should have said something small and neutral, just for the sake of DD.

That sounds actually not too bad to say at all. Need to remember this in case this ever happens again.

I am guessing he wanted a pillow fight so to him it was playing but it was too rough for your daughter.
I would have said he didn't mean to hurt you he is playing but it's a lot bigger than you so I don't think it's a good game for you. Then explained the same to the old r child and comforted your child

I should have said a sold 'no hitting', I know. It was not fair to DD to say nothing.

Spot the poster whose child is a wee shite

The OP has clarified that they weren't 'soft pillows'

In my world it's not okay that the mum didn't pick her son up for hitting a smaller child with a soft okay piece and making her cry

Honestly in these situations i usually just loudly (so the other kid hears) tell my son that the other child had been unkind and that he doesn’t have to play with unkind children if he doesn’t want to then we move on and he’ll go and play with someone else/on his own usually.

There are no rules about this kind of stuff. You just have to use your judgment in the situation. My dc interact with two many kids every day for me to resolve every little thing with the other parent. It is often not a good idea or very productive anyway. Or even possible. For the most part it’s best to just make as little out of these things as possible and move on. They should teach their children not to do this stuff but that’s not your problem (unless they have actually hurt your kid or something), just teach your own kid how to act and don’t make extra work for yourself. Bear in mind that they have to deal with other kids bad behaviour a lot throughout their childhood and very soon they will be dealing with a lot of it on their own. It’s similar to the way it is with adults, you can pull people up on every little thing and have arguments all day or pick your battles and get on with it.

I would have said to the boy 'well that wasn't very kind wasn't it?' and then comforted my DD. I wouldn't have said anything to mother, especially if she saw/heard it all anyway.

I can't tell if you're being deliberately obtuse or not so here goes.

Do you actually know what a soft play is?

Soft refers to the soft, padded surfaces on all of the play equipment. The equipment is there to prevent injury from falls, not to hit each other with. That's pretty much a given.

Please OP start as you mean to on and show your daughter how to stand up for herself and show her that you will always be there for you.

I know she is little but they learn from you and need you to protect them. From the sounds of some of the threads on here schools are just full of this type of thing and it's still being excused as bits being boys. We need to teach our girls that it's not acceptable and ok to say something/stand up for yourself.

In that scenario I think what pumpkin said is great. First time I wouldn't have said anything to the parent and would have moved DD to play somewhere else (don't let bad behaviour spoil your play). if he started again I would have said something.

Yes you should have said something to the kids mum. ‘Excuse me, don’t know if you saw, but your child just hit my child quite hard with that soft play piece. Who knows how she would have reacted. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is your child feeling you’ve recognised their feelings and had their back.

Agree with @Pumpkinseason3 - I'd have said something similar. I have a biggish gap between my two and I do have to remind myself oldest that he's bigger and stronger and to adjust how he plays accordingly.

So assuming he just didn't realise how own strength, i'd have said 'oh dear, that was too hard for dd and that hurt her! She's smaller than you, so let's not play throwing with these any more'.

If I felt like the boy had been purposely rough, I think I'd be a bit firmer and say 'no, that's too rough and it hurt. I think we should go and play over here now dd' and then remove ourselves.

It sounds like it was just a game but as your child is a lot younger, it may have hurt more than it would have if he was playing with someone of the same age.

Simply tell your child what to say or you say it for her. "Hi, (child's name) doesn't like being hit with the cushions because she's a lot smaller than you and it can hurt her.

If I were the other parent, I would have gotten son to apologies but it doesn't sound like he was maliciously trying to hurt your child, so I dont think you should overreact.

If he did it again after being told your DD doesn't like it, then that's a different story.

You shouldn’t care whether they could hear you. The child was in the wrong. Doesn’t mean he didn’t maliciously. Kids are kids. But when this happens - I say to my child “that wasn’t very kind and I know it hurts. You can tell the child no thank you I don’t like that or we can stop playing with them. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable”. And if it happens again I would gently and clearly say to the other child “let’s play gently please”. I wouldn’t go to the parent but hope their parent cares enough to hear and do something.