How much did you go out with your newborn?

[EveningSpread]

How - and how much - do people get out and about with newborns? I’ve hit a few obstacles and need pointers!

My 3 week old DD (first child) fights sleep. Gets overtired and then hysterical. We have witching hours in the day as well as the evening. She cries a lot, which worries me and I can only think it’s tiredness - she eats well and fills lots of nappies and is gaining weight and otherwise healthy.

I’ve read that newborn “wake windows” should be around 90 mins, including feeding. This is tough to ensure, because it’s often a challenge and long process to encourage her to sleep. She can fight sleep for 4-5 hours, even when coaxed. So going out (hates pram, always alert in social situations) or even having visitors results in a very grouchy baby. It makes me feel irresponsible too.

Getting out and about is also tricky when I’m not sure if it will be 30 mins or 2 hours until she needs another feed. I’m BF and happy to in public, but of course it’s not always possible right away. I feel dreadful for her - and the public - if she’s screaming in the carrier as I’m walking home. (We don’t have a car, so my journeys are all quite public.)

How have others managed sleep fighting babies? And a newborn’s unpredictable feeding schedule?

Anyone with more than one child obviously can’t plan their every day around ensuring their newborn gets enough sleep. While I’m happy to do that theoretically for this presumably short period of her life, I’m sure there must be something I’m missing!

Multiple times a day whatever the weather, everything is better with fresh air.

Learn to feed in the carrier, then you'll be able to feed instantly every time! Trust me,a little practice and you'll find it a breeze.

I went out every day at that age, even in the thick of winter. Sometimes just an hour walk from home, sometimes drove somewhere different for a walk. Started some baby groups etc at maybe 10 weeks

Not heaps with a newborn. I didn't see much point. I went to a couple of baby groups but hated them. DS would sleep through them anyway and I've no desire to sing wheels on the bus with a group of strangers.

I went out for a lot of walks once I'd got my bearings. From about three months, I'd pop DS in the sling and walk around the shops so he'd shut up for a while! He wasn't happy unless he was being carried so the walks were necessary for his and my sanity.

Don’t worry about what you should be doing but find your own rhythm with your baby and what works best for you both. I would take the pressure off if finding overwhelming and stay in and feed in front of the tv - probably what baby wants is it cluster feed on the boob! For your mental health it might be good to venture out for an easy activity occasionally like a short walk or a baby group where it’s absolutely fine if they cry!

Does your baby cry lots when lying down? Or for hours and it’s hard to comfort? It could be reflux so I would take them to the GP and they might be able to prescribe something to help.

Some (like my first) are quite high needs and are either asleep or crying. He did have reflux poor thing! But by 5 months he’d turned into a really happy little baby.

You will grow in confidence, it will get easier and they will cry less!

In my memory, this was the very very hardest time. It will get better. Lower all expectations, apart from the expectation that your life is now radically different. Be gentle on yourself. Stay in. It’s a big adjustment, but it is so so so so worth it. I say that now with teenagers, who are ace (honestly, most of the time). But I found the early days excruciating. Good luck!

I didn't go out much in the first few weeks as I was constantly breastfeeding but once breastfeeding was established ( 6 weeks ish) in I found it much easier.

Put it this way, child number 2 has to fit in with number 1, you have to carry on regardless albeit on less sleep!

Babies are really portable so so what you want to do but don't feel pressured

Try for a shorter wake window, if at 90 mins she’s already over and struggling to sleep she needs a shorter window. Try and encourage the nap sooner, say after 60 mins awake. For my ds his wake window was maximum 30 mins till he was 6 weeks, don’t forget your baby didn’t read the manual!

I think if you’re bf that it’s very hard to get out until their feeds space out. It’s very normal to feed for an hour then need to go back to sleep again, usually on mum. Wake windows should be more like an hour at that age but it’s very easy to get overtired.

it’s typically relentless for the first couple of months. A sling can really help you to get out. Shower in the evenings when dads on shift. Brush your teeth in the morning. Eat lots of toast and chocolate. Survival mode!

congrats on your baby.

I hardly ever went out with my first until she was 6 months old when we did a mom and me group thing. Every time I thought we were ready to head out she would fill her nappy or we would arrive at the park and then spend 40 minutes sitting in the cold breastfeeding.

I really only went to the supermarket, and even then it was often a case of going out or having nothing to eat or no nappies.

Had no choice but to schlep baby number two and all subsequent babies with me for school run, activities, etc.

Fourth baby was like your baby and it nearly killed me. I hate yo tell you this, but she didn't sleep through the night until she was 2.5 yo.

DD was born when we still had SureStart centres and we had 4 within a fairly close walking distance so we were out at groups all the time starting from DD being 2 weeks, obviously they were more for me than her at that stage.

I'd just buy a sling if she wants to be on you and just go out. With the pram and pop her in the sling if she needs it. Being in the pram was always sure to rock her to sleep. Pair of headphones on for you if you are struggling with the noise although at that age it doesn't go through you like it does older baby's cry

Also, whilst it is good to become familiar with child development, it is also important to both rely on your instincts and also to just get on with the day as you would if you had multiple children.

Practical wise, keep bag packed at all times, nappy stuff, change of clothes for you and baby, snacks for you, travel cup by the kettle and water bottle so you can just fill them and go. Repack when you return makes everything simpler.

Dd would only sleep in the sling walking. I walked morning nap, lunchtime nap, afternoon nap. Would have been torture trying to stay at home

"Anyone with more than one child obviously can’t plan their every day around ensuring their newborn gets enough sleep. "

Yup.
I took toddler who just learned to walk out every single day for 30min around 9 so baby can get first nap and later around 11 for a 1.5h walk and play. All in a sling.
Same thing around 4 for about 1.5h.

After six months we got rid of first sleep and kept other two.

You can only do what you feel is best and what suits you best at the time. There’s never a right or wrong answer with a baby!
Personally I used to go out most days, disregarding the obligatory livestock checks/dog walks twice a day. It was rare I didn’t go out at all. My boy only contact napped, or slept in his car seat or pram for the first three months, after that it was cot or car seat only, so I planned carefully! I didn’t want to miss out on plans etc but I also liked a good routine, and so did DS.

With DC1, I barely left the house until I went back to work when DC was 4 months old - and when I did go out, it was only with DH in tow too - I was so petrified DC would cry when I was out!!! DC2 we were on the go from 4 days old as we had to pick up DC1 from school!!

Dont feel pressured to go out the house if you are comfortable at home! My DD is 16 weeks and im currently getting into the swing of things, for the first couple of months i enjoyed just sitting on the sofa while baby napped.

the mistake i made in the first couple of months was assuming baby would naturally fall asleep when she was tired, however she requires alot of rocking in a dark room with white noise to fall asleep, once asleep id transfer us to the sofa keeping her on me to contact nap! Still at 16 weeks i do this at the end of every 90 minute wake window and she usually falls asleep within 5 minutes, otherwise she stays awake and gets grumpy.

the crying from 6.30 til 10 ish i also had - non stop- soon realised this was collic- and this completely went by 12 week! Hang in there mama it gets easier! Youve got this!

i must add- i signed up to a block of sensory classes thinking ‘other people are getting out the house- i must too’ can honestly say its the worst part of my week and trying to navigate it round wake windows is like a science! Wish id have trusted my gut and not signed up! Too much crying!

I see quite alot of people have said they got out at least once a day, which is fantastic for them! But I just wanted to say those first few months I definitely had days I was not going to take a single step outside! Just go with the flow, see how your feeling, how the weather looks and go from there. I now have a 6 month old and have been going to a regular baby class since about 4 months, and now feel alot more confident being able to think right I've probably got a hour now let's go out- but even now I don't go out every day.

Enjoy your new baby x