I need some moral support with handling my 2.5 year old, I’m on the edge.

[Bounty9]

She can be really lovely, but oh my god the whinging.

She can talk fairly well, she can voice what she wants (and boy does she), but the whinging is driving me to the brink. I have tried ignoring it, asking her to use her voice, telling her I don’t understand. But it’s like she can’t help but either cry/make this awful sound if anything is happening that she doesn’t like.

She doesn’t want to go in the pram? She whinges. I ask her to put on her shoes, she whinges. I ask her to choose a cereal, she whinges that I even dared ask. It’s basically every other word at this point and I am embarrassed to admit but when I dropped her at the child minder this morning I cried on the way home. I feel totally and utterly depleted trying to keep her happy.

I’ve just had a shitshow of a bed time where she cried/whinged because 2 books and 2 songs weren’t enough. I don’t give in to it, I hold the boundaries but it doesn’t feel like it’s working.

DH works in retail and is now working every weekend and stupid hours so he’s gone before she even wakes up, so it’s me and DD from Friday - Sunday and I’m ready to crack.

Any tips? Or just reassurance this will pass eventually.

Kids are hard work for sure, I'm a girl mum so can say they are sent to test us. My little lady done the exact same and although it happens occasionally I learned to just ignore her when she did it, I don't even interact or respond to her if she does this and now she's realised it doesn't work with me. But kids are masters at manipulation, don't give in or give up.

When my now 3 year old used to do this I would model to her how to say it. I wouldn't do what she was asking until she said it calmly/nicely so not with a whiny voice. So if she was whining, "I want a banana", I would tell her, "just say 'can I have a banana please?' She always then just repeated it and eventually that became how she asked for most things. She's just over 3 now and still has her moments but I just do that and she will generally ask nicely.

Have you tried some more controversial approaches...

Start laughing
Copy her
Start singing and even dancing

I mean at this point might be worth a try I say this as my child is currently fake crying because I won't allow him to have a lollipop(don't even have one in the house and he's never had one) and I'm just singing over him while he whinges which now he is bored before I've finished typing this and is now playing with his toys again

This may not work for you, but I find that repeatedly telling DS in advance what we're going to do (eg two stories) and getting him to repeat it back to me works better than reminding him it's only two when it's already happening. I sound really fucking tedious all the time but I don't get as much whining. Some things he doesn't even question any more, eg we only get two episodes of Bluey.

The other method that sort of works is making it into a joke 'haha no of course we can't watch TV, it's still the morning!'

I get it 🙂 We have a 2.5 year old and a 6 year old. I was at my wits end when our oldest was this age, but honestly second time around I take it all a lot less seriously. It goes by in a flash - the tantrums, the repetition, the chubby hand in yours, wide eyes looking up. It's exhausting and adorable in equal measure. I know that I'll look back on these days with fondness, however tiring and infuriating it is right now. Have a cry, tomorrow may be a better day. And if it isn't, she'll soon be at school 😂

My 3yo is like this and I posted just the other day about how hard work she is and asking for advice. Most people said this is just what they're like at this age and you just need to ride it out. So no magic solution but I found it helpful to know it's not just my DD. Sending lots of strength and patience (not that I have much myself to spare!!)

Thank you everyone, it’s really sound advice and it’s so nice to know I’m not alone.

It doesn’t help I’m full of a cold and she wants nothing to do with her dad at the moment, she won’t let him soothe her when she wakes crying in the night (and he does try), so I’m just a permanently exhausted troll 😂

I do tell her in advance, she even says ‘one book in the chair and one in bed’ so it really shouldn’t come as a shock she can’t have another.. I am told it’s peak boundary pushing age, trying to figure out what she can get away with, so I’m holding strong (and then crying in the bath).

All these methods work sometimes - distraction, giving her choice, making it into a joke but Jesus she’s strong willed. Which I know will benefit her in the long run, but may kill me off first.

It is a hard stage, but this is to toughen you up for the teen years.

Try having no expectations of ‘good’ behaviour and relax and let the day unfold as it will. Don’t take offence, she literally has been on the planet 2 years and is in just as much as a muddle as you.

If you have the opportunity, make the greater part of your day slow living, its ok to spend lots of time at home rather than shuffle from group to group, it over stimulates them at this age.

Like others said, enjoy the time they are in your care and safe, because one day she will be off on a holiday goodness knows where not answering texts.

Tell her "Sorry, I don't speak whinge." Also, maybe try telling her, rather than asking her, to do things

This will pass.

Until then try to see if manage transitions more helps - like saying "it's last play play time- what do you want to pick" (when leaving the park say). Follow through a few times and it really will stick.

I used to go to soft play of leave the house when I was pinging off the walls.

I've thought of a couple more things that work in our house:

• we don't need this one any more (DS is 3 and a half) but at your DD's age, he would ignore instructions from us but seemed totally convinced by the alarm on our phones. So if we set a timer and said 'you've got two more minutes, and when the alarm goes off it will be bathtime' he would trot straight upstairs when he heard the alarm.
• one that works for me now is to pretend I'm doing the thing without him. So e.g. if I say 'let's go and walk the dog and we can go to a new playpark with a zip wire and a climbing frame!' he will say he wants to stay home. If I say 'okay, you stay home, I am going to the playpark and I am going to go on the zip wire all by myself and then I am going to hang upside down from the climbing frame like a bat' he will 100% want to come. At bathtime if I say 'I'm just off upstairs to run a nice warm bubbly bath and then I'm going to get in it and play with ducks' he's already halfway up the stairs.

(I'm sure a more punitive parent will be along soon to remind me I'm in charge and I need to TELL my toddler to come on a walk instead of asking him, but I bet I have a nicer time this way).

Thank you so much @BarnacleBeasley. SIL uses an alarm on her phone too and that’s always worked for her so I’ll give that a go!

I have pretended to do the thing without her, to the point where I actually left the house and waited outside the back door around the corner and watched her through the window - she was not phased in the slightest that I had even left! 🤣