Does anyone else find play dates stressful?

[littlepurplerose]

My friend and her toddler has just left. Both our girls are 2.

I find the whole thing stressful. Overly aware of every time my 2 year old doesn't share or snatches/ pushes etc.

I end up feeling like a bad parent and I can't engage in any level of conversation with the mum because I'm so focused on trying to watch my little one and make sures she's not pushing/ snatching etc.

Not to mention all the mess.

Anyone else feel like this?

I found 2 really tough for play dates! I'd have my friend over because I wanted to chat, but in reality the two children barely knew each other and my DS would struggle with having another child in his personal space. Even when we put away 'special' toys it was tough. I found neutral ground helped a lot (playgrounds, play cafes etc.) He's now 3 and I'm noticing a massive improvement. He wants to engage in games together now and is quite happy to show off his toys rather than feeling protective of them. I think you just have to ride this phase out and know it gets better.

Playgrounds and parks are much better at that age. But never expect to finish a conversation!

Normal for 2YOs as they can be possessive over THEIR TOYS and associative play (the beginnings of playing together) doesn’t actually develop until age 3-4 so they’re never going to play together. The best you can hope for is some conflict free parallel play ie playing separately but next to each other but even that is probably a tall ask because the toys belong to one of them, they aren’t neutral like at nursery or playgroup, so there’s more likely to be sharing issue- sharing being another thing under 3s don’t really do yet unless it’s directed by an adult.

If you want a catch up with your mum mate I’d plan to meet up in the playground or shudder, a soft play! Then the kids can do some energy busting physical play in a secure gated environment and hopefully that’ll mean there’s a decent chance of you guys having a chat with only a handful of interruptions 😂

Play dates until they are older (4+) aren’t enjoyable. I’d either not do them or go meet at a playground or similar.

I used to get dc to choose toys to share and put special ones on their bed. Out of the way.

Tough age op. Wait until they're older- I have my 6 year old's best friend over for tea after school without the mum and also have a younger child so that's me vs. 3 kids and it's a breeze! The older 2 play together really well.

This too shall pass.

Everything at that age is about learning - including appropriate social interaction.
All
Kids are more bolshy in their own territory.

It is hard work though. If you feel more comfortable in neutral ground - then plan for that:

I never had them. My dc sorted their own friendships out when they were old enough to do so and when they were little it never came up as a thing.

Two year olds have no concept of friendship and don’t need playdates. Just take them to the park, if having other people’s kids in your house stresses you out. If your friendship is with the mum, and you’d like to finish a conversation, see her when you have childcare?

As others have said, too young to be able to leave them to play and catch up with a friend. They got easy from school age - when DC1 started reception, playdates would involve them just getting on with it while I got to know the Mum over a coffee or bottle of wine - it was brilliant! Now they are 7 and parents don't come as not needed

I also found it really hard to police them at that age. DC1 is 4 now and paydays are great. It’s just that age is hard

Children of 2 don't play together, this is normal and a developmental stage. I would keep visits with your friend short at this age and don't expect to sit and chat while the little ones play! You might be better to meet up for a run about in the park but you will still be occupied with looking after your little ones and not really be able to chat uninterrupted.

https://pathways.org/kids-learn-play-6-stages-play-development/

I've loved them from the start. Saved my sanity many a time. As long as you're with like minded parents, that makes it easier to navigate any tricky behaviours.

2-3 can be tiring at times. 3 onwards has been really enjoyable for play dates. We all just get to chat over a coffee and leave the kids (aged 3-6) to their own devices. I love it.