Does your dance school have a no male helpers policy?

[PurBal]

DS 3yo is in a preschool dance class. The whole dance school performance is scheduled for a day I am working away, this is very rare but booked 12 months in advance so I can't get out of it.

"Preschoolers must be accompanied by a female relative when backstage" during the show, strictly "no dads" (this is written on the letter in bold). We don't have a female relative (or friend for that matter) who could chaperone him.

The dance school take a range of children up to teenagers. This is relevant because the no dad rule is "out of respect for their teenage students".

DS isn't really aware of all this goings on, so we're not talking about it. I was hoping the teacher would keep it under wraps so he doesn't get upset he can't be involved, but it got me thinking, is this really fair?

WIBU to speak with the teacher? I appreciate the reason for the decision but it feels a little mean to exclude a 3yo on these grounds and I don't know of any other dance/theatre schools that do this. But I also don't want to be "that mum" and figure it will just ruin our relationship with the dance school.

Paedophiles are very, very good at getting sneaky looks at their victims.

Yep. Older girls are often pulling whole leotards off to quickly pull different ones on so they can get back on stage.

If a male was bringing through a younger group to go on stage, they would be exposed to teenage girls getting changed; it protects them as well.

HNRTT but have you asked the school what their solutions/options are in the circumstances? It may involve a hand off of a costumed DS, them arranging another chaperone or something else you've not considered?

Many dance schools don't have older boys, or very few. Only the really big fancy ones would. Ours has 2 - one is the dance teacher's son and he only does certian classes and shows, and the other one is a longstanding member of the school who is disabled. He attends our school because it's wonderfully inclusive but would not be able to perform at a suitable level at schools that are less inclusive.

Just as an update, there is no option for another person or other parent to look after my child.

Honestly, the mum guilt I feel right now is the worst. I definitely feel punished for providing inadequate (in this instance) childcare so I can work. I know this isn't reasonable and logically I know there are many reasons why a child might not be involved, this just seems particularly unkind to my son.

I honestly thought another woman would be okay :(

I think I’d be making a massive fuss about this policy OP - obviously safeguarding is really important, but their policy is discriminatory and against the equality act. What if they had an adopted child there with two dads?

Fine in principle of the safeguarding, but it does mean they need to have workarounds for cases like this.

Yes, we have.
Although our dance school has the situation where all parents hand the children over to a group of DBSd chaperones who are pre-arranged, usually mums who have been around the dance school for years. There's no expectation that a parent would be backstage anyway, unless you're joining the chaperone team.

Nollie85 · 12/11/2024 11:49
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What happens if the child has two dads as their parents? Their parents aren’t allowed backstage at all?!

This. Is that not discriminatory?

Yes it sounds horribly discriminatory!! I can’t understand why the needs of male parents to be backstage next to girls and young women who are getting changed and are naked are not being prioritised???

Safeguarding is discriminatory by its very nature.

Girls rightly need dignity and privacy and that outweighs the small element of discrimination.

So you are saying that the rule is only the child’s mother can chaperone? I agree no men backstage, but why can’t a grandmother, aunt or other female relative or friend do it?

So there is no separate room back stage that the boys could use with a male chaperone?

LimeGoose · Today 13:25

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 13:21
Nollie85 · 12/11/2024 11:49
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What happens if the child has two dads as their parents? Their parents aren’t allowed backstage at all?!
This. Is that not discriminatory?
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Safeguarding is discriminatory by its very nature

Quite unlikely that two gay men would be a danger to girls, I’d have thought.

I can see both sides tbh having done back stage dance chaperoning for DD the girls normally do quick changes in corridors and underwear is minimal. They have to have a separate over 16 dressing room for the older girls now 16to18 due to safeguarding rules. Often they are in the same class/ dance as the 16 year old. It is very very strict. Having said that at our school only dbs checked matrons/ helpers are allowed in so your son would have someone else caring for him! Are the school alowing random parents in? It seems wrong both ways. We do have men back stage for the scenery props etc who are also dbs checked

Is the problem that the school won't allow 1-2 chaperoning or that you can't find another female family member to provide the 1-1 they require?

Backstage does not have much privacy. It is essentially a female changing room.

the male dancers have to be allowed backstage, but I have never seen them be allowed to roam. They are assigned a specific spot or ideally a room and they stay there at all times.

if you don’t have an adult to send, talk to the dance studio. I know ours would have worked something out. Another mother would likely agree to manage an extra child. It just needs to be someone who is in the same zone backstage as your child.

I wouldn't want dads in the main backstage area but I think it's a shame he's excluded due to the circumstances. I would have hoped a DBS checked helper could step in as there are other adults in the room or that a side room could be found for your husband to use.

It's not discrimination under EQ10. BTW safeguarding isn't just important, it's paramount.

It's not likely to be illegal. The Equality Act actually permits 'discrimination if 'the discrimination is 'proportionate, appropriate and necessary' – this means the legitimate aim is more important than any discriminatory effect'

So in this case, the need to safeguard girls from men seeing them get changed would likely trump a claim of discrimination by the dad.

I would expect the dance school to make separate provisions for male guardians though if possible- like a separate backstage room with no possibility of seeing girls undressing?

I would also expect any decent male to understand why they shouldn't be around young girls undressing - in terms of safeguarding risk and how it would make those girls feel?

But it’s not proportionate, appropriate and necessary because there are really easy ways to ensure this discrimination doesn’t happen? As have been suggested by many people on the thread.

I don’t think anyone’s trying to decry the importance of safeguarding - but you can understand safeguarding is important and also that a rule is daft and should be looked at again, not least for the benefit of the little kids who are the ones suffering! What about a little girl who’d lost her mum? Should she not be allowed?

A female relative can. But we don’t have any that live locally. Friends can’t.