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Social struggles 4.5 years old

3 replies

Bumper987 · 11/11/2024 18:28

Mums, please help, I’m sick with worry for my 4.5 year old son.
We live in Italy, kids go to kindergarten age 3-6 in mixed aged groups. Last year, age 3, he played a bit with some other kids at the start of the year then played on his own every day for the rest of the year. The teacher said he preferred to observe, but there were times he came home and said I am sad because I have no friends. At the end of the year he started to play with another boy.
This year he has made fast friends with a new girl. He is very intensely attached to her. He doesn’t play with any other kids, and the boy he played with last year has found other friends in the group. I am terrified that this new friendship will dissolve like previous ones have and he will be left unhappy again. I am also getting odd vibes from the mum who was very friendly at first but I’m worried if I’ve offended her somehow as for a few weeks she seems to be almost avoiding me and hasn’t asked to meet up outside kindergarten, which we did before, whereas I often see her around with the mother of another girl from the kindergarten and their kids.
I have just reached out to this mum and asked her to meet for a coffee, so we will see what she replies. I have very limited contacts to arrange play dates.
I am also 8 months pregnant which is probably making my anxiety worse. It I ma genuinely so worried about him.
At kindergarten events outside the kindergarten he just seems to be on his own, the other kids seem to gel and his one friend is always there with her older brother and so doesn’t really play with him either.
please help mums, I am so desperate. My heart breaks for him!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MummytoE · 11/11/2024 19:00

Poor you, it's so hard been a mum sometimes and worrying about every little thing. If it were me, I would just try to arrange play dates , keep in touch with the other parents etc. These things have a way of working themselves out as well. I used to worry about my daughter's friendships and groups etc and now I look back and wonder what all the worry was about you no what I mean. No idea what nurserys are like in Italy, but in Scotland it's a lot about free choice and child let etc( from my experience) , so you might find that when he's starts school with a different structure etc he finds it easier to make wee friends x

MummytoE · 11/11/2024 19:02

Also, hope this isn't offensive, but does your wee one speak Italian I assume?

Bumper987 · 11/11/2024 20:12

MummytoE · 11/11/2024 19:02

Also, hope this isn't offensive, but does your wee one speak Italian I assume?

Thank you for the encouragement!
Can I ask what kind of worries you had and when it kind of resolved itself/ you stopped worrying?
yes the kindergartens here are the same, very child led, which makes me worry about him getting a bit lost, so you might be right about when he starts school.
the language is a bit more complicated, we live in a partly German speaking part of Italy, it’s actually a German kindergarten (sons dad is German speaking) but more than half the kids in his group are Italian speaking, or speak Italian in addition to German, so I definitely think that is an issue. His first language is still English, second German and Italian is very little.
Thanks I will keep trying!

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