Nursery - Good or Bad?

[Isabelle728]

I went to view my son's nursery today (he turned 2 in September) and it was lovely, he went to play straight away and he didn't want to leave! He also got friendly with a little girl there which was really cute, he doesn't get much interaction with his own age. He also wasn't fussed when I left to go look outside and in the other rooms, however I am starting to get massive guilt about leaving him. I keep seeing videos on social media on how we have children to then leave them with other adults that we don't really know and that it's bad for their anxiety and attachment issues etc. I thought nursery would be amazing for his social skills but I just keep seeing things on how we should be the ones to bring up our little ones and they should be with their family etc. I do work full time from home so I juggle work and being a mum at the same time so I do have that luxury, however sometimes when I need to get my head down my son will have to sometimes result in playing alone which he is fine with doing.

What are other mums and dads views on nursery please? Would you say the pros weigh out the cons or vice versa? I just feel like I am dumping him in a way but at the same time I feel like he needs this, but what if he needs me more? I am so stuck!

It's a very polarising issue but my personal experience is that it was good.

Me and DH had to work full time, that was just a fact of life, so DD needed to go to childcare.

We found a great nursery, and she started when she was 9 months old full time.

She went until the week before she started reception. During that time she had 2 keyworkers, both of whom were wonderful, she interacted with hundreds of children, she learned social skills and could read and write before starting school.

She is now a happy, well adjusted, confident, loving, amazing 10 year old and nursery just have had some input in her becoming who she is.

Well you really shouldn’t be working at home whilst looking after a 2 year old, that isn’t safe, so nursery is 100 times better than that.

I do work full time from home so I juggle work and being a mum at the same time so I do have that luxury, however sometimes when I need to get my head down my son will have to sometimes result in playing alone which he is fine with doing

gently, this is the problem - you can’t provide the socialisation and learning skills a child needs AND work full time; your head is in neither space. And frankly it’s a bit dangerous to focus on work and not watch your toddler. Nurseries are excellent and set up for young children to learn all the social physical skills they need. You can’t do that if you’re watching them from behind a computer.
and working is important - it provides real balance, financial security etc etc. you can be a great mum in the time you have

these tik tokkers are making their child their business which is why they seem to have the time to be able to do it (what do their husbands do…)

@Overthebow just to clarify I don't exactly sit in an office while my son is in another room. I sit in the living room with my son, he doesn't go anywhere else other than his room to nap and luckily with my job I can get away with not working much, when he naps is when I catch up and I have flexible hours too which helps me massively. My mum lives in an annexe in our garden so she is around if I need to attend a meeting and my partner occasionally works from home as well

Stop watching videos on social media and follow the evidence of your own eyes. Your son was happy there.
The algorithm will serve you more and more of this content because you linger on it and it will drive you crazy.

@LottieMary just to clarify I don't exactly sit in an office while my son is in another room. I sit in the living room with my son, he doesn't go anywhere else other than his room to nap and luckily with my job I can get away with not working much, when he naps is when I catch up and I have flexible hours too which helps me massively. My mum lives in an annexe in our garden so she is around if I need to attend a meeting and my partner occasionally works from home as well. His toys are also I. The living room, they always have been so I can keep an eye on him. It's my work that suffers the most, not so much my son.

@dontmindthegap this is true! Social media can be awful and make everyone question everything they do if it is wrong or right

He will be absolutely fine. Nursery was wonderful for both of mine and for me. Having parented a child through lockdowns when I had to be balancing working and looking after a 2 year old, there is absolutely no way that being at home with a disengaged, stressed parent who can’t provide their full attention due to work is ever going to be better than a child being in a childcare setting with other adults who can be fully engaged in their care. That means you get to be fully present when you’re together, not on your phone doing emails. It’s an absolute win win for both of you.

You know you shouldn't be looking after a child and working. it's not fair on your son or your employer. Therefore it does seem like you need childcare.

You will get people on this thread who will say the same things you've seen on social media, but that doesn't mean they are right.

Just because you are using childcare doesn't mean you aren't raising your child. Making decisions about your child is part of being a parent. Working and providing for your family is part of being a parent. You do what is right for your family as a whole.

We found nursery very beneficial, especially from aged 2 upwards and in preparation for starting school.

My son was in nursery from 10 months old. Now he’s started school it’s helped him so much.

it’s not fair to yourself, your employer or your child to have them at home whilst “working”

@mindutopia thank you for this. Other people that have commented do not understand that some people cannot afford childcare until funding comes into place so some parents have no choice but to work from home (also due to Covid) and have to care for a toddler. I don't have any family to support me either.
I also have enjoyed my time at home with him while I can. Luckily my job is very laid back and I can put my laptop down when I need too, It just means my work gets built up and I have to catch up with it when he naps or goes to bed. But I do think it's time he goes to nursery and you are right that it will be best for the both of us.

I found it really hard sending DD to nursery when I went back to work. She's been going for 2 months now and already the change is amazing - she has grown a lot in confidence, she's more chatty and although it's really difficult being apart from her - she gets so much from nursery, all the different toys and messy play etc. that I wouldn't be able to offer in such quantity if she were at home. I get it's really hard to trust other people to look after your child, but in my experience it's been great for DD and I think she'd miss it if she stopped going!

The algorithm is out to get you, stop watching those videos.

Nursery has been brilliant for my DC, they've both been FT from the baby room and are really socially confident. Eldest is 6 now and can be a bit quiet but she amazes me with her confidence - will walk into a new hobby or club where she knows no one with her head held high and gets stuck right in. I was really shy as a child and can't get over her confidence. I do think it's at least partly nursery as she's used to socialising among her age group.

I'm sure they'd be great if one of us had been a SAHP too, but I think their strengths would be slightly different.

2 is definitely the age when they clearly started to benefit from being around other children.

Eldest was 2 in March 2020. We had ample proof that you just can't WFH with a toddler. You'll fail at work and fail as a parent.

My dd started nursery when she was one year old. She is nearly 3 now and absolutely loves it. No complaints from my side.
It's amazing for socialising, which they don't get unless you take them every day to a playgroup.

It was easy back in the day when mothers had a community and a "village" to help with the children (they also had like 10 not 1 or 2 kids). Nowdays, I think it's strange to keep them home when they are over 2 years old.

When I go to birthdays and playgroups, I can easily tell when children are at home or they are going to nursery. It's not necessarily bad, but they act very different in social situations.

Definitely nursery, in my opinion!

yes but most people can’t afford a self contained annex in their garden
hence people thinking you might be able to afford it

Im just saying that might be why people assumed you could afford it

Nursery was amazing for both of mine, they went from 6 months.. they can still remember some things about it now! It prepared them for school well, they were very happy there and they are both high flyers now academically..

Nursery is a reality of many peoples lives. It has pros and cons just like anything else.
We're often made to feel guilty as parents, someone will always think we're doing the wrong thing.
So do what you think is right for your family and your child.
He's happy so would you be feeling bad about it if you hadn't watched something on social media?
I have my child in nursery part time, its the right balance for us.