Il try and keep this as short as possible. My ex and I separated in April this year. We have 2 children aged 4 and 7 and jointly own our family home. We have never married.
My ex moved out in May into a shared house, renting a room. This meant he was not able to have the kids overnight. He has currently been looking after them in the family home, in my space which he left but now intrudes on a regular basis.
He wants his share of the proceeds of the family home which I am unable to buy him out. I also am unable to private rent due to my income I would need a guarantor. I am not entitled to help from the council as I have a lump sum from the proceeds of the sale. After months of sleepless nights, I came across shared ownership which is VERY high demand where I live and the chances of me getting a property was slim. Due to my high levels of stress I cried to the local HA who were selling the shared ownership properties on a daily basis, and after a 8 week wait I was finally allocated the last plot. During this time I had to apply for new full time job roles as my part time hours would not allow me to get a mortgage at all.
my new home for me and my children was due to be ready by beginning of December. This has now been delayed into January, which my buyers were not happy about. I was at risk of losing my buyers and that would have meant I would have lost my new home if the sale fell through. I couldn’t face going through the stress of finding another buyers and another new property due to them being so rare.
I need to point out communication has been AWFUL between myself and my ex. He has me on block constantly so I can’t “nag” him or ask him any favours in re to the children. Anything I request is wrong. And he will “punish” me if I show any form of unhappiness with how he is being by not showing up for school runs (which he agreed to help with in order for me to work full time so he could have his equity!) and has also let the kids down by not seeing them when it’s his time to. He will tell the kids he can’t be around me which is why he didn’t turn up, but surely like any other separated parents he should take them out?! Not rely on my home to see them?
we did manage to agree, if I agree to move out early to allow our buyers to move in, my ex would find a private rented property so he could have the kids overnight, and I would move in with my family. My family’s home is overcrowded so this is why my ex said he would private rent so this would take the pressure off my family and my children living in a stressful house. It is also in his interest to private rent so he can actually spend time with them etc. He is a high earner, so can afford to private rent.
on this basis, I exchanged contracts last week and agreed with our solicitors a date I would move out in December to allow our buyers to complete. This is legally binding. I cannot now not move out on this date.
since we exchanged, my ex has emailed me to say he has been seeing someone for 2 months, and he is going to move in with her. She has a spare bedroom where the kids can stay. My children have never met her. We have to vacate our house in 5 weeks. This is clearly a new relationship and it’s HER home. I don’t feel comfortable with my children staying in a strangers home. After all the stress this year, I finally had some relief that things are starting to work out and dad can now have the kids to ease the pressure off of me. But now this is just a horrible situation. I feel if I don’t allow it, he will honestly do something like take the kids. I’m so scared. If I don’t agree to his terms, he is malicious.
he has purposely waited to tell me this plan, as he knew I wouldn’t exchange contracts if I knew what his real plan was. I feel so destroyed as this was someone I trusted and relied on for years.
when my ex was a child, his own dad successfully persuaded him to move away from his mum and live with him. I know this is what my ex is going to do. And if my children refuse, he has the money to go to court and destroy me…. Well attempt to!
I don’t have the mental strength to go into battle with him. I’ve expressed it’s too early and will cause even more disruption to our kids. He thinks they will be fine. But he hasn’t been here seeing my 7 year old crying saying he doesn’t want to move house. He hasn’t seen the emotional affects this has had on our children and I just want them to have some structure. He goes against everything I say and doesn’t listen to me. We’ve had mediation in the past, so I’m thinking of re opening the case and go back to mediation, but this is just money I don’t have.
i was seeing someone myself this summer, and I just didn’t feel right not putting my children first so it fizzled out as I couldn’t find the time or interest to be seeing anyone new, let alone moving my children into their home!! I’ve had to do this myself, and now he’s moaning about rent costs so he’s going to move in with her (yet his attitude to me was “tough” when I couldn’t afford to rent AT ALL)
am I being out of order? Thank you if you’ve managed to get this far!