My 7yo struggles with going to the toilet...

[KhaosKayla94]

Hi all! Basically, my daughter shows very strong signs of having ADHD, and she gets so distracted in whatever she's doing, whether it's at home or at school, that she just simply doesn't think to go to the toilet. We've had to start putting her in pull ups again now as well! The big issue for her as well is that she also holds onto poops for far to long... She gets so backed up then that she's screaming and crying in agony! Has anyone got any advice? We have no idea what to do!

Will she go if she is reminded to go? I mean is she getting distracted and forgetting to go, or does she hate going and so tries not to go? If it's the forma, then no pull-ups, just make sure an adult is telling her to go and try at regular intervals, or even just asking her if she needs to regularly. If she actually makes an effort to avoid going, you need to try to find out why!

We try to remind her a lot, but she always swears down that she doesn't need! I want to ask if her teachers will remind her, but I also don't want to embarrass her!

we had something similar with my slightly older DD last year. Over the weekend or a half term get her used to going to the toilet by making her go sit on it every hour / half hour, even if she doesn't need it. Gets her used to going again! Also ask her to check in with her body, say "check in with your body now, do you need the loo". It's about getting her used to recognising the signals from her body again. You will need to speak to her teacher as well. They may not be great at reminding or remembering but it is a necessity.

Set aside time everyday where you sit with her on the toilet so she has to try.

She's not going to feel the urge to go for a wee if she's constantly suppressing the need to pass withheld poo. Go have a read of the Eric website www.eric.org.uk then get to the GP for constipation treatment. This is eminently sortable.

You need to give her a stool softener from the Dr. Continued constipation is not good and can cause a stretched colon which can take months to years to get it back to a normal size...in the meantime the problem just gets worse. The bowel sits next to the bladder so it can literally restrict the bladder from working properly and cause wetting accidents. The constipation can also cause a fear because it hurts so children with-hold. Stool softener and regular 'sits' to try especially half an hour after dinner or breakfast.

Check out this informative if rather disturbing video:

I know it's hard, but I think you need to try to do some more work with her on why. You say "We try to remind her a lot, but she always swears down that she doesn't need! I want to ask if her teachers will remind her, but I also don't want to embarrass her!"
Why to you think she does this? At first you made it sound like she just wasn't paying enough attention to her body to register feeling the need to go, but when she is reminded to do so, but then still fails to go, this sounds more like she either has a strong aversion to the feeling of pooing, and wants to avoid it, or she actually can't feel the need to go. I would be going to the doctor promptly and also having set times throughout the day where she has to go and try to go.