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Different approach to screen time

9 replies

theotherfossilsister · 10/11/2024 13:37

My partner and I have a different approach to screen time (we also differ in other ways like how much independence to give two year old but that’s maybe another thread.)

dp is a loving dad with a demanding full time job. I work three week days plus every other weekend. Our two year old is lovely but like many two year olds, a lot. He has boundless energy, has been seen by SALT and annoyingly dismissed as not warranting treatment unless things remain the same in six months. He’s a lovely I inquisitive exploring little boy.

Dp spends a lot of his time with him cuddling him in front of a screen as he is on his own computer and begging him to not try to escape. When we go out for a meal he likes to put him in the pram with the phone in front of him, which does control his behaviour but I don’t feel he’s really learning anything.

Just on our way back from holiday and on mornings when it was ‘my turn’ I’d take him to the swimming pool. When Dps turn he’d put the tv one. It was interesting that he sat down and ate his breakfast at the buffet after the swimming days and ran everywhere shrieking until strapped in pram on tv days. It kind of bares out what I’ve been feeling for a long time.

Lots of people comment on how hyperactive and non stop he is. Dp says he enjoys cuddling him in front of a screen and it is bonding and what works for our family. They do go to playground etc together too but there is a lot of holding him still in front of a screen. I totally disagree but every time I raise it we have a fight. I guess I could have done every morning on holiday and maybe should I future but then I would be taking away their ‘downtime.’

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theotherfossilsister · 10/11/2024 13:43

Sorry for bad spelling/typoes. I tried

OP posts:
TinyTeachr · 10/11/2024 14:06

How much time are we talking about?

If it's only occasional I wouldn't consider it a big deal. If it's for an hour or more at a time it's a problem. But I think that's already your opinion, so are you looking for how to raise the issue with your partner rather than asking if it is an issue?

Does he care about parenting in other ways? If so, there's plenty of literature to show him about the negative effects of excessive screen time on behaviour and language development. But if he's either unable to find other ways to occupy DC or is just a bit of a lazy bugger.... then I doubt there's anything you can do about it really.

InTheRainOnATrain · 10/11/2024 14:22

I think there’s a balance? My personal opinion is that a 2YO shouldn’t be watching a phone or ipad at all outside of very specific circumstances like on a flight where there’s naff all else to do and they have to sit quietly. I would have no issue whatsoever with cuddling up together in front of a film, and agree that can be good bonding time, so long as it’s alongside doing a mix of other (non screen based!) activities including something active but for us that would be a rainy weekend thing at home, not a holiday activity.

I’ll admit that we do usually stick the TV on for the kids whilst we all get ready on holiday as they’re lacking their toys from home and entertaining them in a small room isn’t that easy. That would probably it tbh. Maybe a bit again in the early evening whilst we’re having showers and getting ready to go out for dinner. But it would be whatever was on the TV likely some weird foreign cartoon, not you tube on a phone. I think how bad it is depends on how much time you’re talking, what else he does with DC, whether you also get snuggly downtime not lumbered with all the entertaining and also what DC is actually watching because numberblocks isn’t in the same category as youtube kids brain rotting shit with all the dopamine scrolling.

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Sia8899 · 10/11/2024 14:36

How much time per day does the 2yo watch a screen? I think the "begging him to not try to escape" and "holding him still" suggests that the toddler would rather do something else. What do they usually watch? It's usual for toddlers to need to burn off their energy otherwise they can get frustrated, overexcited or defiant

Marblesbackagain · 10/11/2024 14:41

A 2 year old who has been flagged needs no screen time. He needs play, active running around and cognitive play.

I have no issues with older children having some screen time but no two year old should even be aware of a screen. All international research backs this up.

SillyNavySnail · 10/11/2024 15:18

My partner doesn't work Mondays and I do, on that day the screen was on an awful lot. With a trio to the supermarket and short playground trip. Lots of screen on weekend days I occasionally work

On my days with them (tues & fri), I take them to playgroups and play dates, so usually out 5hr those days and less screen time

However, they have very little screen time on holidays. In the car/flights and a little in the evening.

But, partner has been on board on cutting down the tv. As we needed it a lot more for toddler when baby was younger, and it ended up staying

We now only let 2yr old (3 next month) have tv upon waking until 18 month wakes up (sometimes ages as she'll wake at 6, sometimes 10 min or zero, if she wakes later). Then its on again when baby naps, off when she wakes. Then on again for In The Night Garden (the 1 program the 18 month watches), after after tea.

Since we've cut down, she wants it less and sometime it doesn't go on all day, until we go put younger one down for her nap. And, when we come down it goes off again. Tho, I admit it is nice if she'll watch for half hour whilst younger one is asleep, so I get a break!

Today, for example it's 3.20pm and it's been on 45min all day

theotherfossilsister · 10/11/2024 21:51

thank you all

@Marblesbackagain I'm really interested in your comment as I think I agree. I feel like screen time is really detrimental to him but I am also disappointed that SALT can't do anything yet.

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Marblesbackagain · 10/11/2024 23:06

There is a lot of research indicating that the increased behaviour of screens is impacting toddlers development.

I have a 16 and 11 year old when they were toddler stage they were in the buggy or walking. Before they could talk I would give a narrative of what we saw. Now I see toddlers absolutely mesmerised by screens.

Our HSE, Ireland runs groups for parents on assessment pathways which outlines some helpful activities to help. You may find some helpful links here, https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/1/lho/dublinnw/therapy/

Speech and Language Therapy Service (Children) - HSE.ie

Occupational Therapy, Speech and Language Therapy, Physiotherapy, Chiropody

https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/1/lho/dublinnw/therapy

GrazingLamb · 10/11/2024 23:11

So basically his father would rather put a screen in front of his 2 year old than find other ways of engaging with him?

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