Hello,
my husband and I have two children, 2 year old & 6 month old.
a bit of a background - I suffer with depression & anxiety due to life events (losing a parent, having illnesses in my family, not having support through difficult times)
my husband has always been there for me since we met, and through hard times has always been my rock. I’ve trusted him with everything, he knows my darkest thoughts, he’s seen my most vulnerable sides and weakest moments.
since having children, particularly since our second baby, we inevitably have less time together. Our kids don’t sleep well. We haven’t slept together in months. Anytime I feel I need to talk, the time is inconvenient (he doesn’t want deep conversations when the kids are in bed as he is exhausted - we have had arguments about this) in the day we have no help from family or friends so it gives us next to no time to have any conversation, or even to have any quality time together.
I just don’t feel happy at the moment, I feel like I love being with my kids, I feel productive and always try to be the best mum I can be. And then at the weekends it never feels like quality family time, I feel burnt out (I’m getting less sleep than husband as I am on baby duty - breastfeeding and won’t take a bottle)
he doesn’t understand why I never want sex, I am literally running on empty, the time is never convenient, we never have any cuddly time let alone jumping straight into sex (which he could do quite easily)
since having kids, I understand that we are both exhausted. But I don’t feel as loved (I’m sure he feels the same, I acknowledge this especially as I have no sex drive and it is more important for men) he doesn’t have the same love language as I do, I love cuddling and kissing and I just feel like he is more cold.
I don’t talk to him about things like I used to, partly because of time but also I feel like he can’t be bothered with it/doesn’t have the same energy as before.
to be honest, I actually feel quite alone. I can’t sit and talk about things as again, energy levels are low, he has previously said ‘it’s just how things are at the moment’ and we just never get anywhere.
I’m wondering if anyone can relate or give any advice. I just find myself feeling low (not with my children, I adore them and I am so happy to be their mum) I just feel like our relationship has been dwindled down to room mate phase for literally months, there’s no intimacy, I feel so disconnected and it is actually making me not want to talk about anything anymore and almost bottle everything up making it worse. Again I have no family support or anywhere to turn to, I just don’t know what to do to be happy again.
thank you.