How to manage 8 year old and 12 year old arguing constantly?

[Zombieof3]

Hi all,

I have three children aged 7, 8 and 12. My youngest son is not a problem, however my two girls are absolutely horrific with each other.

There is constant arguing, my 8 year old daughter manages to wind up and annoy everyone super quick, she purposely does this and for what good reason I do not know? My 12 year old is moody and quick to snap, she will shout aggressively back and on occasions has resulted in her hitting my 8 year old where I have had to intervene and explain that fighting is never ok but especially when there is a large age gap. She will also at times annoy my 8 year old and they seem to constantly just wind each other. This is only made worse particularly for my 12 year old because they have to share their room. There is no private space for either of them and this makes evenings feel unbearable for everyone.

I’ve looked at possibly moving to a bigger house, but there is no way I can afford it with property prises right now. I’m starting to really lose my rag because despite all of this, my 8 year old is naturally very sweet and caring but when she wants to be she can be extremely hard work and then my 12 year old can be quite mean.

any advice because I feel so lost on what to do. I know siblings fight but this is exhausting

I feel your pain, my 9 year old and 12 year argue a lot. They have their own rooms so space from each other which does really help. Could the 8 and 7 year olds share for a bit and give the 12 year old some space?

With mine, i just have to separate them as much as possible. We are fortunate to have two spaces that can be used as a lounge. They basically each have their own and don’t go in the others. 😂 It may be that one of them chills in their room and one of them chills in your room or in the kitchen or in the summer, you make an outside den area.

I also take mine to do separate things. Like one goes with Dh and one goes with me, so like today, they’ve hardly seen each other. Doesn’t stop them wanting to kill each other during the like 20 minutes they had together! But does just diffuse it a bit.

I also have high expectations for my older one. She’s old enough to know to not act like such a twat and I will come down on her more because I expect her to be able to manage her behaviour better than a 6 year old.

im glad I’m not on my own, it’s so exhausting.

unfortunately that’s not possible either as he has asd and has special adjustments in his room which he requires and there’s not enough room to put my daughter anywhere in there with him

I like that, and I do try to do it but it’s difficult as my partner works so much but I will try to put more separate activities in place.

i agree with holding the older child more responsible for their behaviour, my 12 year old resents that and feels like we always pick on her, but the reality is she shouldn’t be acting the way she is either and that they’re both in the wrong. I might get one of them to live in the shed if it carries on 😂

Your 12 year old might view that as an incentive if she’s desperate enough to get away from her sister!