Negotiate or overrule?

[BroccoliSpears]

Your almost 2-year-old is getting tired and it's time for bed. You start to undress her but she screams and wails that she wants to keep her (new) top on.

Your reasons for wanting her to take the top off are

• The top is a bit scratchy for sleeping in
• The top is not warm enough to sleep in
• She is sleeping badly atm and you just want the continuity of pyjamas, teeth, story, bed etc

Do you

(a) Negotiate with 2-year-old
(b) Whip top off 2-year-old despite her protestations and cary on with bedtime regardless of wall shaking, screaming, sobbing, choking tantrums. (The tantrum is very impressive but can be switched off in a second flat).

?

b - your reasons are reasonable and you are the parent.

I would progress to teeth story bed, and avoid the elephant in the room.

Not really worth getting all het up for in the grand scheme of things

Good luck, BS

Never negotiate with a child this young over bed time. You are the boss. If you let this one go you will loose the power! Just say good night and walk out of the room. She may scream, yell and vomit but she needs to know that mums in charge and will not give up if she screams hard enough.

Oh pants. You're all on DP's side!

Oh no, BALD - you opted for distraction. I sort of did distraction too.

I would let her go to sleep in the top and then change it when she's asleep! Maybe you could have negotiated to put something warmer and more comfy underneath?

I distract, it is for this reason I bought ITNG pj's so I can persuade her into them, and I have a stash of winnie the pooh and fireman sam tshirts from charity shop for when she doesn't want to get out of them in the morning...then they get wet (oops, silly mummy) and I have to change her into something appropriate for weather...

Should add I will do anything to avoid tantrum at bedtime as DD's share a room and it gets DD2 worked up and then I really can't cope!

Depends on the child. I used to be in the 'never let anything go' camp but after 10 years of doing that with ds1 have gone over to the negotiate side of the fence. Let her wear the top.

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DP wanted to just overrule and let her tantrum. In many many ways he's absolutely right because she has very much got the hang of tantrumming to get what she wants.

I didn't give in to her, but I changed room, asked her to show me how she could take her own shorts off, got chatting about the labels on the top and how we have to take it off to cut the labels off. She happily took the top off and put on pyjamas.

But the problem is that I really really don't cope well when she tantrums. It breaks my heart even though I know she's not really that upset. I don't go back on a "no" and I don't give in directly, but I do think I'm perhaps teaching her that screaming abdabs is a good way to steer a situation. I wonder if DP is right and we need to take a harder line with her. But... she's my baby and she's not yet 2 and... oh dear. I sort of want to always be nice AND to have a well behaved, nice little girl.

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