Comforting an independent 11 month old

[Grace050]

My LO is often hurting himself, little bumps and nicks as he explores the world, falls into things etc, my immediate reaction is usually to pick him up for a cuddle or putting him on my knee so I can hug him, inspect the damage, rock him etc, except he just hates it nowdays, earlier he was literally shuffling way from me as I was trying to see where he'd hurt himself. I think it's because he doesn't want his independence taken away. I don't have any huge concerns - he can be physically affectionate at other times - but my question is how do you comfort a baby like that? Just verbally? Maybe with touch but not pick up? Any advice from parents of independent little explorers welcome! I look like a bad mum at stay and plays, but he stops crying quicker if I leave him as he just carries on playing after a quick initial cry than if I try to intervene sometimes.

Hes fine. Mine is like this, so i have learned to let him check/scan his own body for any pain, i dont react at all iet him figure it out. It's great for his independent streak. If he cries i pick him up and sing a song specific for only when hes hurt himself which involves chucking him about a bit as it makes him laugh and distracts him. Then put him down. It feels counterintuitive 100 percent to just... Stand there, pointlessly 😂 but its giving him independence, choice, bodily autonomy, self soothing. Go with him, be led by him. He knows what comfort he needs and will tell you

If he's shuffling away, does he actually need comfort? Is he crying?

If not I think it's fine

Mines like this and actually it's better because if he does cry or look to me then I know he's actually hurt himself! It's good for them to be aware of that I think

Yes he is crying in these instances, any physical comfort is met with struggling/more crying, leaving him tends to result in the crying petering out in a few seconds promptly followed by him crawling on to the next thing. It's what makes it tricky to which he's going to do! Like the idea of a comforting technique (when needed) which is more distraction/fun focused; I will start thinking of songs!

I sit or crouch nearby to him, so I'm close but not touching, and ask if he wants a hug. If it's a refusal, sit back and wait. Give it a minute or two, then ask again. Rinse and repeat. Often before then, either he's stopped crying and moved on or he's come over for a hug and some comfort. Just being near is sometimes all the reassurance he needs.

I do this song all dramatic like, and start off slow and quiet then get faster and more silly, whilst bouncing him on my knee, slow then fast toward the end..

Iiiiiiiii went to the barber shop
To have my hair cut off
And when i got there
I sat in the chair
And the chair
Went
PLOP!

At the end when i say plop, i chuck him backwards (carefully obviously) and he always laughs and forgets. It works better for him than attempting to hug, as he's just not a huggy baby!

Also, i do the "iiiiii" at the beginning super drawn out and silly cos he then knows silly song is incoming which makes him excited and distracted!

Baby's cry because they've shocked themselves as he gets older he'll start to look to you to see your reaction before deciding on his reaction, if you make a big fuss then when he is older he'll cry more because he thinks there's something to cry about. If you react more calmly he'll learn yo brush himself down and get back on with what he was doing

Presumably he isn't running around at high speeds so any bumps are going to be slow and not cause any real damage. So I'd leave it 10 seconds and see how he reacts first or say "Oops did you bump your head / squish your fingers? Can I see? And then wait for them to show me" obviously if there's any bleeding you pick them up and deal with it but 11 months they are unlikely yo be doing any real damage.