I’d love some advice from other parents who might understand this situation. My 11-year-old daughter spends about equal time between my home and her other parent’s. Although we’re separated, we co-parent well, and I feel lucky that we’ve managed to keep things consistent and positive for her.
Recently, though, I’ve hit a wall that’s been really hard to navigate. My daughter is pushing for more autonomy, which I understand is natural at her age. That said, I try to keep healthy boundaries in place—for instance, making sure her homework is done, managing screen time if it’s starting to get excessive. These aren’t about controlling her but about helping her build good habits, and they’re part of showing her I care about her.
When she’s frustrated with things, she’s started to make threats. She’ll tell me she’s going to go live with her other parent full-time and not come back. Logically, I know she’s angry and trying to get me to back down, but honestly, it stings. I love being with her, and the thought of her actually deciding she doesn’t want to live with me—or even see me—is incredibly hard to deal with. And technically, there’s nothing stopping her from making that choice if she really wanted to.
I feel torn between holding firm to boundaries we have, that I know are good for her and constantly worrying that if I do, she might actually choose to leave. It’s a delicate line between being the parent she needs, even when she’s upset with me, and feeling like I need to tread on eggshells just to keep her in my life.
For anyone who’s been through something like this, I’d really appreciate your advice. How did you handle comments like these? Did you stand firm with boundaries, and if so, did it ultimately help or support your relationship?
Right now, it feels like the only way to avoid her saying she’ll leave is by letting her have things her way 24/7. Given half a second, she’d be having Dairy Milk for breakfast and McDonald’s every night for tea! But in all seriousness, it’s such a spot, and I’d really appreciate any thoughts anyone has.