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Parenting

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ExH doesn't agree with flu vaccine

10 replies

ReySky · 07/11/2024 10:13

Ex husband and I have been separated for over two years. Two children aged 2 + 4. I have sole care of them and he has various mental health issues and was (and often still is) very abusive to me. Sees them once a week for a couple of hours with me present, doesn't really do any active parenting, just takes lots of selfies with them and then goes back home again.

Eldest had his nasal flu vaccine at school today, I had discussed it with EXH beforehand and while he is quite anti-vax he didn't outright say he disagreed with him having it done. He said "you're damned if you do, damned if you don't" and when I spoke with him on phone yesterday he said he didn't mind. Anyway I said I'd better book our youngest in for his too, and he became very angry, saying he will not agree to it, he is so young and it will ruin his immune system for the rest of his life, said he's ill all the time so obviously has a weak immune system (he's not ill all the time, just contracts the normal amount of toddler coughs and colds), said the spray will "go into his brain". Then started ranting about it being a depopulation agenda, 9/11 was an inside job, world war 2 wasn't real - it was "just a family dispute", the current conflicts on the news are all fake. Etc. He said he's "done his research" and is very passionate about it.

I don't know where I stand now. Although he has zero involvement with day to day parenting, obviously he maintains his parental rights and as such has an input into decisions like this. Does anyone know what I can do so far as my youngest son receiving his flu vaccine?

Many thanks

OP posts:
newhousenewhouse · 07/11/2024 10:15

Just book it and stop engaging with him so much

KoalaCalledKevin · 07/11/2024 10:17

If you wanted to, I think you can just book it and take him.

I took DD2 to the GP to have hers done last week and no one asked me whether her father consented to it - as it happens DH has no issue with vaccines, but if he did, I don't see how the GP surgery would know unless he called and specifically withdrew consent.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 07/11/2024 10:20

Don't tell him so much! He's abusive, give him less to be abusive about.
And just book the vaccine, get it done, don't mention it again.

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NotbloodyGivingupYet · 07/11/2024 10:23

Also those supervised visits - can you arrange for a family member to supervise instead of you? It's not healthy for you tho have to be in his company like this. You shouldn't have to be in his company at all.

veryyydemure · 07/11/2024 10:51

Can you not just book it and take him without telling your ex?
it's just an element of power and control he still likes to have over you IMO.
stop running things past him and just do it / cut contact straight to the point of when he's seeing the DC and leave it at that.

StudioFocusTricky · 07/11/2024 10:54

Just ignore him. He doesn't need to be involved. He's clearly a loon.

Reading the web pages of conspiracy-theorists is not "research". Large scale trials of the overall health of vaccinated and unvaccinated populations is research, and that research is independently peer reviewed to check it's not biased or based on mistakes/oversights, and is then published. That research says vaccines are a good idea.

WhiteHorse92 · 07/11/2024 12:00

Just going to cut to the chase. Just book the vaccine, you don't need his permission.

Flopsythebunny · 07/11/2024 12:44

You don't need to even discuss it with him. Just do it

AegonT · 07/11/2024 18:24

You just book it and go. You consent to it there and it only needs one parent's consent. Stop discussing your kids' health with him as his views are not good for them.

mindutopia · 07/11/2024 18:30

Just get it done. Dh and I are happily married and are both pro-vax. In all these years, I don’t think I’ve ever asked him about getting the dc their flu vaccine or even mentioned it to him. You’re just playing into his drama. Just don’t bring it up again. He doesn’t need to actively give consent anyway.

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