I really need to know - how do you feel about subsequent children after the PFB?

[eenybeeny]

We are trying for DC2. My DH is really worried he wont bond with the new baby like he has with our DS. I know I will love him/her the same but do worry that you dont have all that one on one time with them if an older child is around. I was a second child and never felt very loved and I dont want to do that to any baby of mine. Can you please tell me your insights into having more than one child and how you love them?

Hi alicet, we were on the same prenatal thread for a while, I couldn't keep up with you guys though

Hope you and your los are well

It was interesting what you said about your DH. Mine was slow to bond with ds1 too, he found the whole baby thing quite boring, but is besotted with him now (he's 3 and daddy's shadow). With ds2 he has been much quicker to bond and at the moment is a part time sahd so is utterly engrossed in him (he's now 6 months). Having said that, he's still looking forward to getting back to work. I think many dads don't get REALLY interested and bonded with their kids until they're of an age to really interact.

i remember having the same conversations with dp before ds came along, and we also worried that dd would lose out as we wouldn't have as much love to give her but the reverse has been true... we love both of them even more now.

seeing dd be a big sister to ds has made me adore her even more than i already did and ds being such a differant baby to her made him even more special as it made us appreciate what suberb little individuals they both are.

for me as an only child there was also the consideration that i could not bear for dd to be all on her own with no siblings.... i hated it so much i used to ask my mother for a big brother for xmas every year however much they fight some days, neither can go to bed without giving the other a hug and a kiss and they're the first one to the others side if they're hurt or upset to kiss it better.

tell sal to go for it.... dp is convinced ds was his idea now he's so happy that we have them both and we're trying for considering a third

yay!! pinktulips have another! Sal IS on board with it which makes me sooooo happy. I am just getting butterflies in my tummy over it all. You have all totally reassured me though THANK YOU!

how is ds by the way eeny, have only just gotton back online after a looong time with no internet. do you still have my email? email me and tell me all your news!

I do not think I have your email! I'm not sure! Just in case you can email me at

senatorvass at gmail dot com

DS is doing really well talking and running and is so sweet and loves to play has loads of energy!! He's great! How are your LO's?

Adored DS1 from day one.
Adored DS2 from day one.
I love them both the same, in slightly different ways now they're older and developing their own personalities.
No I didn't have all that one-on-one time with DS2 while he was tiny but we're making up for it now that DS1 is at school all day and DS2 comes home from nursery before lunchtime.

exhausting!

i'll mail you tomorrow babe, looking forward to catching up

ditto!

Being completely honest, I did initially find it harder to bond with DS2. I loved him but I didn't enjoy him in the same ecstatic way that I enjoyed DD1. I felt so guilty for a couple of months, but looking back I was just knackered, and had been ill with horrible viral and post-viral stuff that lingered for months.

Being completely truthful again, and not just saying it to make you or me feel better, I now TOTALLY ADORE DS2. It was a different type of falling in love, it took a bit longer but after I stopped beating myself up for feeling differently towards him than I did DD1, I relaxed and started to really enjoy him.

And now I really enjoy him all the time. His cheeky little face makes me melt every time I look at him and I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, he's amazing.

The reason I wrote all of that is to say you or DH might feel differently with DC2. In fact you probably will. But different can be even better in some aspects, as long as you're not too hard on youself or caught up thinking that loving your children equally means that you have to love them in the same way.

Good luck with TTC!

I was very worried about dh bonding with our dc2, because she wasn't planned and he wasn't best pleased when I was pregnant with her, although we had talked about another baby he thought it was too soon, and that I had somehow manipulated it (???) I remember crying and thinking I was the only one who would love this baby. My dad was besotted by dd1, and didn't seem that enthusiastic about another one coming along.

Now? DD2 has a really strong quirky personality, and my biggest gripe is that both dad and DH actually favouritise her, and she gets away with murder compared to DD1!! this baby that I thought only I would love is the apple of everyone's eye, and I find myself trying to redres by sticking up for DD1!! Now we have ds as well and it's true- you love them all! My 3 are so different and so amazing in their own ways! It's like loving tomato ketchup but also loving mayonnnaise!

wow jooly i love that analogy!

I am so glad it worked out well for you and AnotherFineMess! I know it will for us as well I just have faith in it and you have all reassured me so well. Now I am just eager to get my hands on that baby!!!!