single mum, uni student, ds 10 months dd due in 5 weeks. I think im about to crack up!

[charlotte121]

Im a single mum studying at uni in my second year of a 3 year degree, my son is 10 months old and my second child is due in 5 weeks time! Im starting to panic about how im going to manage with 2 children on my own. I dont have a huge support network around me and I really want to be able to finish my degree next year. Im hoping that everything will "fall" into place once the baby is here but im also panicing a bit. What if its all too much!!! would love to hear from anyone in a similar position who has some tips!!!! Help!
also slightly worried about the fact that the baby is due the same week that i have exams. I have to commute 1 1/2 hours to uni and dont know how i would get home if i went into labour.
with only 5 weeks to go im trying to get all of my assignments in, study for my coming exams but as a consiquence Im totally unprepared for the bump being born.
could just really do with some advice and support if anyone is out there. thanks. x

I'm not surprised you're panicking. Get some advice from the university - they have people paid to deal with welfare issues such as these. Also the NUS, of which I assume you're a member, might be able to help. You need to find out what support is available.

You say you're a single mum, but is there no input at all from the dad(s)?

dad does see ds but im not sure he will be very interested in this one as it is a girl... he has already made it clear he isnt impressed that its a girl. He is pretty useless in any other respect.
I rarely get money from him and he wont help me by doing diy etc in preperation for the new baby, i have spent the last few weeks hanging wall paper in the middle of the night lol, although i did quite enjoy it. he does on the odd occasion come over to watch ds whilst i do assignments but its not always great to be workin whilst you can hear upsy daisy and igglepiggle dancing and singing in the back ground and i wouldnt trust him enough to leave ds alone with him.

ds doesnt have any contact at all with his dads mum as she is a nut case and my family always seem to busy to help. my mum is doing her best but my younger sister has a lot of problems and so she is her main priority, my mum also has cancer so i dont want to ask for too much of her spare time as she needs to rest.
I just think that everyone has seen me to be doing ok and getting on with everything so far and has sort of put it to the back of their minds that i might need any help.
I havnt found my uni that helpful so far. my tutor is very understanding and has taken my personal circumstances into account with late assignments etc but other course leaders havnt taken kindly to me missing days off when im too exhausted to go in.

Im just quite frightend to tell the truth. I do find it very hard to ask for help and no1 will really know untill i crack up. I have found my son an imense amount of work along with everything else so 2 is i feel going to be the straw that breaks the camels back. To top it all off my best friend who has been my main life line and major support is off to africa for 4 months on friday and so im going to be left pretty much without any mates. im really gutted about it.
sorry to moan and ramble on. I just dont know where else to turn and i can just see things getting much worse than they already are. Charlotte x

God, you do have a hell of a lot on your plate!!
is there any way at all you can have a year's break from uni whilst you look after your newborn?

Wow - I am so impressed with what you are doing. It must be very hard to cope with the stress right now, but it will be SO worth it once you have your degree - and your two dc.

Agree Elasticwoman - talk to the uni welfare office about the timing of your exams - maybe they can let you sit them early/ late. It would be terrible to miss them after all your work through the year. Also, are you getting any financial support? most universities have bursaries for students who need them. Ask Ask Ask, anyone and everyone.

Don't give up, if you get your degree, you will have so many more options for employment later, and just think how proud your children will be, you are a great role model for them.

Hey Charlotte.

Your situation is actually a bit similar to mine last year, in a sense I can relate.

I was at UWE last year doing the first year of my degree when I found out during freshers week that I was pregnant! I had broken up with the father before going to uni. It was really tough! I have an amazing support network now as I'm back home, but whilst I was in Bristol I had nobody.

To cut a long story short, uni were pretty useless at helping me with anything, I did miss classes as I was exhausted, but I did get through it. I moved back up to Scotland last May and missed my exams, but went to sit them in the re-sit period in August, and passed. I couldn't have stayed to do them as I was due on the day of my first exam, dd arrived the day before lol!

I thought I'd return to Bristol with dd and carry on doing my degree, but I just couldn't do it. No support down there, and I wasn't ready to leave Charlotte (my dd). I suffered from pnd and have only just gotten over it, my ex hasn't seen her since 10 weeks and she'll be one next month.

The point I'm making is, you will be fine. But you cannot work yourself too hard. If you don't feel up to doing your exams, apply for extenuating (sp) circumstances and sit them at a later date. I'd also take the year off from uni and stay at home with the kids, it'll do you the world of good. You can apply to head back to uni the following year. Don't try to be superwoman, you'll just exhaust yourself.

Where is it you're studying? It's a shame I'm not in Bristol anymore!!

I have decided to be a bit of a bad mother with attitude to fininshing my degree and just get it done and finished next year. (thats if i pass this year) i know if i take a gap year i wont go bk and I need the degree to get a job to provide for the kids... just feel guilty that they sorta have to get pushed aside at times in order to get work done.
Im in the process of applying for an access to learning grant as i dont think my student loan is going to last over the summer and i dont think its plausable to get a job so soon after having a baby.
Have just had to write a pathetic letter to my grandparents as well asking them for money as my car is about to pack up and die. I hate having to ask for money but i cant complete the uni course without transport.
I just find it really hard as both kids were totally unplanned but very much wanted in my eyes and if their dad wasnt such a plonker my life would be sooooo much more simple.
I find that the most difficult aspect, i can just about juggle everything at the moment but it would be nice in the evening to have someone to put the baby to bed or do the washing up, or just have a conversation with. but instead its all left to me.
on a plus side i do have the summer hols to do the mummy thing before i have to go bk to uni so there are some good things. Ds will b 1 in that time so im busy planning a nice day out to the beach for his bday thanks for the support and ideas ladies. I really appreciate it. x

what a good name for your daughter my course is held in bridgwater at cannington college. its quite a distance. Its nice to know that im not the only one who has got knocked up during uni... everyone jokes as so far i have had a baby each year of the course... i think it is safe to say i will definately not be having another one next year!!!! I will try and sit the exams but have decided its not the end of the world if i do miss them as i can take the re sits in august.. however im not sure if im going to pass them so would like to have the chance of doing the resits if i fail first time round.
I am starting to suffer from the tiredness now... i had glandular fever last year (sept 07) which still has quite an effect on me and i have had awful anemia during this pregnancy. Im literally a zombie... everything s done in auto mode.
do you think you will return to uni yo finish your course? charlotte x

You do know that you can apply for benefits right? Even though you are a student, because you're a 'lone' parent you'll get everything. You can apply for child tax credit, income support, and healthy start vouchers for free fruit, formula and milk. You can also apply for a £500.00 maternity grant to help buy things for the baby.

Not to mention getting housing benefit, not paying council tax and you should also get 80% of your childcare payed for.

i can get income support??? thats news to me. how do i go about that? i was basicly told i was only entitled to housing benefit. charlotte x

Charlotte as a lone parent you can claim income support during the holidays but not during term time

wicked... well every little helps as tesco says. really do need the money atm.

Hi Charlotte, I am in a similar position to you, although not totally the same.

I am 5 weeks off finishing my foundation degree and had planned to go on to do the top up third year to make it into a BA with Hons. However, like you, I am expecting DS in five weeks too and am really feeling the pressure to finish it all off!

Like you, I know that if I stop studying at the end of my FD, I won't be able to drag myself back to studying but I also know that with a 4 yo DD and newborn DS, it just isn't plausible to go straight into the third year. I am totally gutted about this, but do realise it is for entirely selfish reasons. So as a compromise, I have decided to defer the third year and study something 'less demanding'. I am going to do GCSE maths, one night a week to keep me in the mode of studying and also to push myself to go back next year to do the third year. I need the GCSE because I plan to teach in primary school and without it I won't be able to, so I'm not looking at it as a side step or a negative, I will need to do it at some point and with the demands of a newborn, feel I would be better able to manage it than I would studying at uni from September.

Is there no way you could look at doing something similar? I would definately hold the uni thing off for a year. But then I have spent the last 4 years of DD's life studying (through choice). I now feel that I haven't been the best mother to her, she has been left to her own devices an awful lot, particularly lately and I have learnt from all this that I actually want to enjoy my kids. I'm sad that she will go to school full time in September and don't really feel I have spent enough time with her. I don't want the same for DS and I kind of want to make it up to DD in some way, which I feel I will be able to do by doing things this way.

You might find this useful Help for students with children

If you have a Citizen's Advice Bureau near you they can help you find out everything you're entitled to. Or you can use www.entitledto.com/ as a basic guide. Just input your details and it will tell you what benefits you could apply for.

I'm with admiration for all you're doing especially with so little support! I hope it all goes well for you.

Gingerbread should be able to tell you what you're entitled to as well.

Lone Parent Helpline: 0800 018 5026
Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm, Wednesdays 9am to 8pm.

Free information for lone parents on issues including: maintenance, tax credits, benefits, work, education, legal rights, childcare and holidays. Also information about other organisations and local groups who may be able to help.

You CAN get income support in termtime - it's a battle to get it but you are entitled.

It is to support your income. Get the letter that spells out how much of what you get (ie childcare grant, lp grant etc) - highlight everything that is NOT for you; childcare, lerning allowance is for books etc... it will make your income go from about 9k to 4 or so - send the IS dept this highlighted letter (a copy of) and then fight for IS...

DO NOT EVER send anything other than copies - keep a dated diary of EVERYthing and ALWAYS take a name of the person you deal with

I've been there, done that AND been burned when they screwed up.

Good luck Charlotte - I'm sure you'll do it somehow