Please give me your tips on dealing with a 5 year olds separation anxiety

[confusedallday]

Hi,

I did a post last week about my DS5 suddenly started crying going into school after seeing his friend get upset about going into school.

I have spoken with my DS and his teacher, both say he is fine in the classroom. The teacher has confirmed that he has a group of good friends and is performing well in class. He told me no one is picking on him (there is the odd annoyance here or there but he just tells the teacher, which she has confirmed). She has also spoken to him and he just says that the misses me.

He has now taken to not wanting me to leave him AT ALL at any afterschool clubs he attends. He also cried when I left the house the other day myself and left him with his dad and sibling. He is also sometimes getting upset when his Grandparents leave after a visit, he needs lots of hugs and has to watch them drive away.

He used to do this on and off at nursery but had settled into school great, no issues. He seems to have gone backwards somehow!

What do I do? How do I get him past this?

I am ill with worry that something is going on despite being assured it's not.

Do I just wait for it to pass?

Help 🙏

Hopeful bump

It's horrendous. I feel your pain. I think you have to keep doing it anyway, but from memory, with DD I used to say to her things like, "Look, I'll be back in xx hours and you'll have a lovely time and then we'll do YY" and then when I collected her, "Oh, did you have a lovely time? I knew you would. Let's go and do YY like we promised.".

Basically, tried to constantly show her that if I said I was coming back, I would etc. It was a bit frustrating as I didn't feel I had any room for flexibiilty but over time, as she got a bit less anxious, it worked out.

She's still a bit anxious and clingy sometimes but she's learning. And she's 9 now so sometimes she has to suck it up and then that in itself is a learning. eg for her school residential last year which was 2 nights. She was so worried about it, but actually, was completely fine. She DID miss me, and she got a bit stressed at one pont, but the teachers handled it and when she got back we all discussed how brilliant she was to have been a bit scared but to have done it anyway and enjoyed herself.

Thank you so much for you reply.
I'm sorry to had to go through the same thing.
It has just came totally out of the blue. Feels awful sending him in even though i know he forgets about it almost straight away.

I will keep going with it and hope it gets better, thanks very much for your advice.

When my children have had issues going in, one of the best ways I've found to distract them, is to give them something to take in. Maybe a picture or worksheet to show the teacher, a bit of recycling junk for when they do junk modelling, it gives them something to think about.

Also we figured out a new special handshake everyday, a new drawing on their hand and mine everyday. A promised treat after school also helps. Hope things get better x

@confusedallday

Given he says everything is fine & his teachers say the same and if there was I'm sure he'd be keen to tell you so he might get to stay at home with you, I doubt there's anything 'going on'.

kids are weird.

one thing that can work is giving them 'something special' to look after for you until you pick him up. (Obviously not actually anything valuable or genuinely very special, just something he believes is).

and as others have said, proving to him as much as humanely possible that he can trust what you say, you will pick him up if you tell him, (you can reinforce this many many more times in a day with small things. Like playing x with him as soon as you've finished doing y'. It doesn't have to even be 'a thing' for him. After getting dressed you're going to put some washing in the machine'. Then make sure you do it. Just reinforce you do what you say.

lots of kids suddenly go through this, you just have to ride it out really, whilst reassuring him you'll do as you've said.

I will try this out, I’ll try anything. Thanks so much

Thanks very much, I’ll try that also.
it’s just so weird how everything was fine and now this! 😫thanks again

I hope things were better today

Thank you, unfortunately the same today but not any worse so I’m taking that as a win ☺️.

another week :(

@confusedallday this is not a quick problem to solve I'm afraid. It's small steps forward. Also reminding yourself that him being upset going into scool is NOT your fault and he will be fine.

DD, for the first time in about 2 years, went to bed ALONE last night. That was the last most sticky one that we've been struggling with. I don' tknow i fit will last, but it was amazing. But I have been sitting in her room with her, every night, for YEARS now.

Whilst I would not wish this sort of thing on anyone, it really does help to know it isn't just us!

I hope it sticks for you @MrSeptember 🙏. I'm really hoping it passes soon, its heart breaking to watch. The school said as soon as he steps food in the class, he settles and is fine. So at least that is something.

Just keep reminding yourself of that - he's FINE when he's in class. And remind him (he'll ignore you, but that's okay!)

@confusedalldayI know this is an older thread but my DC is the same, it’s been going on for a couple of months now. Are things any better for you now & if so did you do anything that helped? I’m really struggling and hate seeing DC so sad at school drop off 😔

@ReginaPhalange12 so sorry to here you are going through the same thing.
in our case it seems we just had to patient. One day he stopped, out of the blue and had been (hopefully continues to be) fine going into school.

i hope it passes for you

Get the book the invisible string

drsw a small heart on their wrist and your wrist and hold the hearts to each in the morning and tell your child if they feel sad they can look at and touch their heart and know you are thinking of them.

As someone else said, there’s a thing where you draw a heart on you and him, then press each others heart drawing with your thumb and count to 10. That charges the heart with love, and then your love goes with them until they’re finished at school. And of course when you miss them while you’re at work, you have their love with you too.

@confusedalldaythank you for getting back to me, I’m so pleased to hear things have improved for you. I hope so too 🤞🏽