Feel like I'm getting motherhood wrong?

[heartbroken22]

What can I do? I feel like I'm exhausted but not giving my children the right mother. DH doesn't understand. I'm yelling at the kids and making them cry or saying the wrong thing...where do I start? How do I heal my children from the damage I've caused them?

I have a great deal of sympathy for you. Motherhood is hard. Perhaps though you are a bit of a perfectionist. Children don’t need super mums- they need good enough mums. Take each day at a time and try to stay calm. Learn to take a deep breath and count to ten before you react. At the end of each day think about how things have gone. What could have gone better but also don’t forget to pat yourself on the back for things that have gone well. Don’t expect anyone to tell you you are doing a good job because nobody ever does.

How old are they?

Yeah the early years are so hard

I'm guessing they're young

You need to start fitting your own oxygen mask, get the basics right for you, healthy food, sleep, exercise. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s the only way things will improve.

I had a realisation that in our childhood we only had normal cameras so any photographs are posed and smiling. It looks like we were always happy and never cried. People do loads of shouting and crying and we just forget about it. I think you are doing well to look at yourself and try to address the issues. Put yourself in time out if you are feeling over whelmed. Also pretend you are at work. We have to stay polite and productive with colleagues and then bring that persona to dealing with your children.