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“Mummy do it”

5 replies

SavingNotSpending · 03/11/2024 16:02

Desperately looking for advice on how to lessen the “parental preference” from my 3YO!

She has a great relationship with her dad but will always want me to do things with/for her if I’m an option, even if I’m not involved in whatever task they’re doing. For example, they have just been playing play doh together downstairs and she came upstairs with him to wash her hands. I’m in our bedroom and so instead of going to the bathroom with her dad, she came straight in to me to ask me to go with her instead. When I asked her to go with daddy because I’m in the middle of sorting out the washing, she had a massive tantrum.

I do 90% of the nursery runs with her because of my partners job but he is very hands on and always around to play and take her out to the park etc if I’m busy. We do lots as a family too but we just can’t seem to get past this parental preference. It’s exhausting for me and I know it makes my partner feel rejected too.

Does anyone have any ideas of how we can get her to balance things out without a huge meltdown every time?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
morestraightforward · 03/11/2024 16:04

”Daddy is taking you, and that’s the end of it”

She will get over it Op if you just stick to your word

Haroldwilson · 03/11/2024 16:06

'daddy will do it, you don't get to choose'

Don't let the tantrum change the outcome or she'll do it more

Kaleidoscopic101 · 03/11/2024 16:08

I don't have any advice but DH used to say to DS 'I love you!' and he would reply and say 'NO! Mummy LOVES me!' as if only one person could love him which used to crack us up. One day after a long long time of this he suddenly replied to say 'I love you too daddy'...it will end is all I can say but it is hard being The Chosen One. I think even now we sometimes have to play 'good cop, bad cop', interchangeably to get the behaviours wanted but I by no means suggest that's a particularly healthy approach!

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Campingholidays · 03/11/2024 16:09

Currently having a similar problem with DD3 as well so I sympathise. DH is doing more bedtime reading at the moment and I also do the ‘no, daddy can take you, well done for washing your hands’ to make it light and fluffy

KombiNation · 03/11/2024 16:11

We've had a lot of this! I just say "oh yes, I can see that you do need to wash your hands! I'm just doing this, so daddy will help you now, then I'll do X with you later (cheery smile and wave her off)".

Mine seem placated by the thought I'll be doing something with them at some point soon, and if I stick with the "sorry, I'm busy doing this just now (big smile!)" they usually get over any grumpiness about it.

I find being cheery is key though, coz for some reason if DH or I are blunt/ short with them, it makes them think they've been permanently rejected by me?! Maybe?! I don't know. And that makes them play up more.

It'll pass. All power to you, though, coz it's not one of the fun phases!

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