Returning to work - what is allowed?

[Ladybuglamp]

My little girl is starting nursery soon (13 months) and I’ll be returning to work.

However, I’ve realised I have absolutely no idea what I’m expected to do when she’s unwell - and I’m sure that will be quite a common occurrence at first.

The policies at my work are unclear and I have no idea what my husbands work expects, but I’m also aware both of our bosses are willing to be quite lenient / laidback and not always strictly follow policies

would love to hear peoples experiences in their own workplace of what is deemed acceptable

Do you just take a sick day yourself? Is it paid? Is it unpaid parental leave?! Are you even allowed to take the day off?

It depends where you work. Lots of places have carers leave but it's only a certain amount and in an emergency. I work in the nhs and when my little boy was unwell I let them know the day before and asked for carers leave and they declined and I had to use annual leave.

It depends on the type of work you do (teachers, doctors, nurses, care assistants won’t be able to work around a dick kid) and your manager. If you have a flexible manager and can wfh you might be able to work around your DD by making up hours in the evening. Otherwise you’ll take annual leave or unpaid parental leave.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Not a sick day yourself as you're not ill (well you can pull a sickie if you want with all the usual risks of that, but it's not legit). It'll be a mix of annual leave and unpaid leave. Keep a good buffer on your annual leave. If you can WFH or work flexibly then some employers are very understanding about working around sick kids, but I wouldn't necessarily expect it. Also gets easier as they get older - a sick 4yo might lie on the sofa watching Frozen but not so much a 1yo.

The first winter or two will be brutal, then it will hopefully calm down unless you're unlucky. Make sure your DH is on board with covering his share (i.e. half of the days you both work) from the start.

We work our diaries around each other - so whenever one of us has a meeting that's unmissable, the other does their best not to put something crucial in the same slot. Not possible for everyone obviously but it's worked well for us.

If you need to provide childcare yourself for any reason (child sickness, nursery closure, etc) you usually take annual leave, or you can ask for a chunk of parental leave but that has certain stipulations and is not a given.

In emergency eg longer unplanned hospital stay there is emergency leave for that.

But basically prepare for your annual leave to go on sickness and school holidays for a few years!

Remember that from the start the baby's dad needs to do his fair share of taking time off when the baby is unwell. So many women fall into the rut of doing it all themselves.

Annual leave or unpaid leave. You don't take a sickie.

I paid a lot forward, always picking up extra and doing extra hours when necessary. It meant they were more flexible.

It's tough but ultimately yiur contract of employment requires you to render your contractual obligations.

I try to be understanding with my staff but the thing that irks me is when it is always the mother taking the child to the Dr when there is a father too, especially fathers who work at weekends and ha e time off in the week.

I’m a manager of a team with a number of DC (and have my own). I’m happy for my team (grown up professionals who we treat as such and aren’t customer facing) to flex their hours if they can. Otherwise it’s annual leave.

The killer is often chickenpox. Consider vaccinating.

I work for the NHS and I just take annual leave. I think if you don't have any left you just take unpaid leave. I work part time though and manager is very flexible so if I don't have annual leave I just have the day off and make the hours up on another day or work a day at the weekend instead.

The only thing that really annoys my workplace, is those parents who constantly expect it to be only 1 parent who takes the time off. The quote of "well my DH earns twice as much as I do, so he can't take time off" led to a rather interesting conversation with managers here...

Absolutely this. My dh did MORE than me while I settled back in. I'd keep a spreadsheet so you can show your boss if required.

Yes and every time DH is off with the sick baby make sure to mention it in passing at work so they're aware it's not all falling on you.

Well I’m a teacher so DH did it all using his annual leave or my mum kindly stepped in on one or two occasions when he had something he couldn’t reschedule. we were lucky that we didn’t have to save it for school holidays.

Agree with others, its crucial that its split between parents. As a manager there is nothing more irritating than your female staff member calling in for the 3rd time in 6 weeks because toddler is unwell again and then being off for 3 days each time, when it could have been half that if the childs father was doing his share.

And a note to any woman who's husband/partner claims that at his salary level they 'just can't' take a day with a sick child? Thats a lie. I have a high earning partner and several high earning male relatives and friends in careers in medicine, finance, law. All are able to take the day with a sick child just as readily as their childs mothers.... Some just DON'T WANT TO,

This is great advice. Employers are more likely to be understanding if they know both parents are sharing the load.

It very much depends on the employer/industry but I would caution against just offering to take annual leave without fully exploring your other options.

You taking annual leave is the easiest option for your managers so they probably won't help you find other solutions, but if that becomes the norm then you are screwed when they get to school age and you're covering illness and school holidays from your leave allowance.

When mine were teeny I used my paid special leave allowance first (I'm public sector and we get 6 days a year). As they got older my managers turned a blind eye to the odd day of wfh with a sick child. Sometimes DH and I would both WFH so we could tag team ad cover each others meetings etc. But annual leave should be the last resort, not the first option.

Obviously if you catch DCs illness (which is a very real possibility) then you can legitimately use sick leave.

And a note to any woman who's husband/partner claims that at his salary level they 'just can't' take a day with a sick child? Thats a lie. I have a high earning partner and several high earning male relatives and friends in careers in medicine, finance, law. All are able to take the day with a sick child just as readily as their childs mothers.... Some just DON'T WANT TO,

Yup every single senior, highly paid woman I know finds that her seniority gives her much more flexibility than more junior staff, and they all exploit that flexibility to cover child sickness, so a few school runs a week, never miss a nativity or sports day etc. Some men I know are absolutely the same but others... Not so much...

@BarbaraHoward this is very true. My dh is very senior and brilliant at stepping up in a medical emergency. The only problem is he is often 1 hour + away so it usually falls on me to pick up if dc fall ill during the day. But he is brilliant about reorganising to take leave when dc are unwell. He works with a lot of mums and he says it helps and they respect the egalitarian approach. Change led from the top, sets the tone for everyone.

I have to take unpaid leave. Just the other day he was sick as soon as he got up 2 hours before I was due at work. Had to call in as have no other childcare for him. I'm a nurse but my child comes first. Also my husband very rarely takes the day off as financially it doesn't make sense for him to loose the day. Work haven't commented on it so far. I've taken maybe 8 days in 2 years of unpaid leave.

If you end up using annual leave and can afford this you might like to use our trick. Parental leave is unpaid leave that has to be booked in whole weeks. We usually take a week of parental leave for our main holiday to keep some extra days of annual leave for child sickness and emergencies.

100% this. I have a friend whose husband works in the same NHS trust as me in an office job. He tells her that he can't take time off when the children are ill as it'd be unpaid. This is a lie. She also works in a school so he could just save his annual leave too but he chooses not to.

Everyone in his family is taken in by the 'man with the big job' story but it's a load of bollocks.

At my work we take annual leave and also work from home if needed. Both me and DH keep back some annual leave days for this and share the days.

We insisted on this.

When my DC were younger I (or DH) would have to take annual leave. I worked part time
so occasionally I switched my days around if my parents could have DC an extra day when they were better. Parents also helped out when they were ill if they could but more like when they were too sick for nursery but better.
There is parental leave but it's unpaid in my work so a last resort, I never used it.
My DC are older now and I can WFH so usually will just work and keep an eye on them. My work are quite flexible so don't mind me doing a lighter day if DC are home sick then making it up, obviously if work commitments allow.

This is a bit right but mostly wrong.

Child sickness would either be one days (unpaid) emergency leave to enable you to make other arrangements. Any longer would be leave (either annual paid or unpaid).

Any unforeseen issue would fall into this.

Any planned absence to cover school holidays etc would either be annual leave or unpaid parental leave, which has to be agreed by the business and taken in a week-long chunks (unless the child is disabled). Max 4 weeks per year to a max of 18 weeks before the child turns 12.

it would be reasonable to expect both parents to take a share of child related absences.

I don't think I managed an entire week at work for the first few weeks when DD started nursery. Used a lot of Leave that year. Remember that for D&V there is usually a 48 hour exclusion before they can go back, which invariably means a child full of the joys of spring for at least a whole day while you are stuck at home.

I work for the Civil Service and in the last few years there has been a large number of very senior men making a point of taking time off - Annual Leave or Flexi - with sick children, so that it is seen as normal for both parents to step up, and not all on the mother. It has filtered down to men in the more junior management levels, which is a good thing.

Please don't pretend that it is you who is sick. That can come back to bite you when you inevitably catch whatever the child has brought home from nursery. Sick leave is only for when you are too ill to work.

The upside is that once DD went to school she was never ill and usually has 100% attendance.