Breastfeeding is hard - help me push through!

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DC2 is 9 days old and I am BFing 70% of the time and he has either expressed milk or formula the other 30%. Any feeds I miss I will make sure I pump. I’ve also been power pumping as per midwife’s recommendation as she said I may have a lower supply.

I want to eventually move to 100% BFing, as I was never able to do it with DC1. But I’m finding it very demanding and difficult. Probably doesn’t help that I’m triple feeding right now. But DC2 is really sleepy and slightly jaundice so falls asleep at the breast constantly. So he’s feeding almost around the clock because he’s not getting a full feed.

DC1 is 3 and I’m finding it really hard not being able to give him my full attention. I can see he’s suffering a lot and feels quite frustrated that I can’t just get up and play with him. DH has been extremely supportive and has tried to occupy DC1 as much as possible.

Has anyone had a similar experience and managed to transition to 100% BFing? Also please tell me this does get easier, as I’m finding it really hard right now to juggle everything!

Bump for someone more helpful to see this. Can you afford a lactation consultant? I paid for one and it really really helped. She came home several times and it made such a massive difference. The advice I got in hospital wasn't enough. I am still breastfeeding my 2 month old because of her. She could check the latch and suggest other breastfeeding positions as well.

Have you tried stripping baby for the feeds and tickling his feet?

Triple feeding is horrendous, I hope you manage to move on from it.

Congratulations on your newborn and well done for pushing though — you can do this!

Formula won’t help your supply — I know you’ll know that — but every supplement that’s not produced by you at the moment will impact the natural supply and demand. No judgement/shame/blame here but can you ditch the formula and ensure you’re baby mooning and using breast compression at every feed? Let me know if you need a link

Just a word of warning - a sleepy baby can be a sign of an unwell baby.

If the sleepiness gets worse or they cannot wake adequately for feeds then maybe just get them checked out.

Good luck x

It gets easier! It just does. Baby gets older (even by days and weeks) and you'll feel more recovered from birth. Definitely reach out for BF support. My children's centre was great.

It was really hard on my DC1 when DC2 arrived. She used to talk to my feet because I'd have the baby feeding 😭but time moves on. She can't remember a time when DC2 wasn't here. Good luck, you've totally got this!

Have you got a hospital grade pump? I was in hospital with my youngest's jaundice and was given one to use -- much more powerful than my otherwise good quality Medela I used at home with my first. So much so I ended up with an oversupply I then had to block feed down once my baby was awake enough to feed again. I think you can hire them.

Otherwise, just to say well done. 9 days is still so so early, loads of time to build up.

It can be brutal in the early days but it sounds like you are doing brilliantly 🌻.

The baby may be "cluster feeding" in order to get the supply established and that's why they are doing it round the clock.

What makes your midwife suspect low supply?

How are the baby's nappies?

• "From day 5 onwards, wet nappies should start to become more frequent, with at least 6 heavy, wet nappies every 24 hours." https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-problems/enough-milk/

Have you been in touch with the very helpful and knowledgeable ladies at The Breastfeeding Network? They offer various types of support and excellent peer support groups where you can meet other bf mums. https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/

Forgot to say that I also had a very bumpy start to bf. Lots of pain (nipples ripped to shreds), pumping, plus formula, for what seemed like an eternity. I had various mixed quality support. Finally learned an alternative way to latch on baby which finally meant no pain, at around 7wks. Then the practicalities of it became very straightforward. But it doesn't sound like you're dealing with pain so I hope things smooth out for you quicker! It's a big learning curve!

It will definitely get easier. It sounds like your cluster feeding at the moment and your supply will build up over the next three to four days - so lots of sitting/relaxing/snacking for you so that you can ride the hormonal changes needed to get the milk flowing (expect some tears, it's a bit of a rollercoaster!)

I'm wishing you a vision of being in a great routine where your just producing enough for a content baby in a week or two!

Don't worry about DC3, they will adjust. It's a very normal life experience for an older sibling that children have been doing for time immemorial. Some find it easier than others, but all adapt. I think nursery/playgroups are a godsend in the is phase to give them the stimulation they need and a break all round.

No experience of breastfeeding here as it didn't work for my 3 children (I exclusively pumped, total madness). But I'm slightly concerned you say he's sleepy and jaundiced. Is he being monitored? That is way more important than how (breast or bottle) he's being fed.

You're in the really tough bit - your body is trying to recover from the birth whilst also starting to produce milk.

Your baby is only just figuring out life on the outside and having to do some work on learning how to feed, which not all babies work out quickly.

As mentioned before the babies' sucking now is what stimulates the milk supply for later on, so it is necessary for them to suck for long periods - not all of that time will be actually taking milk.

If you have any local breastfeeding groups that you can access I would try them- some numbers/suggestions here: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding/help-and-support/

Play around with different holds/grips - Rugby hold (under the arm) can be good if the baby is sleep because you can see their face and when they're dozing off and they can look at you /interact. Side lying was also very useful when tired.

I felt keenly the sibling issue - I really didn't want the first to feel left out but it took a while to get the hang of feeding whilst doing other things - I think you're still very early on.

It will get better. Focus on you and your children. Try not to worry about the house or cooking, take all help offered.

The best thing that helped me was learning to breastfeed lying down and just letting the baby feed for as long and they needed. DC was a slow feeder and just needed a long time.

Yes - I had a difficult start BFing. DD didn't regain birth weight, so needed to top up formula, wrecked by nipples with a poor latch and it became so excruciating to feed (still not sure why...) that I'd need DH next to me and Lee Mack on TV to get through it. Eventually stopped feeding entirely at about 4 weeks, and moved to pumping as much as possible and using formula.

I contacted LLL - they were SO useful. I submitted a form and someone phoned me back. They helped me make a plan and feel better mentally about it. Used the "3 keeps": https://laleche.org.uk/getting-breastfeeding-on-track-after-a-difficult-start-the-3-keeps/

Lots of skin-to-skin even when baby was no longer newborn. LOTS of pumping, during the night, even if not much was coming out, every few hours. Boring and frustrating.

Eventually I found that my breasts stopped hurting so much, nipples had time to heal, and felt ready to put baby back on boob. It worked. By 12 weeks she was exclusively breastfed, no pumping. She eventually "forgot" how to take a bottle. I had kept my milk supply in tact, and she was delightfully chubby.

It's very possible, but it's hard work! I would really recommend getting in touch with LLL. Good luck x

Thank you so much everyone for your replies! Makes me feel so much less alone.

Regarding concerns about sleepiness, DC had bloods taken and he was below the limit for concern for jaundice. He will be checked again when he is 14 days old. He’s looking a lot less jaundice and having plenty of wet nappies so I’m not so concerned anymore. But will continue to monitor him.

DH has taken DC1 out all day today and it’s given me the opportunity to camp out on the sofa and feed DC2. His latch is so much better now even after just a day. He’s been contact napping and feeding on and off constantly. I know he is cluster feeding and trying to build my supply up.I usually would’ve pumped between feeds but as he’s been on me all day I’ve just let him do his thing. I may do a power pump later just to empty my breasts.

The real challenge will be the night as that is when I’ve been relying heavily on bottle feeding as he seems more fussy at night and settles well on formula. Will see how it goes!!!

Spending time doing as little else other than feeding is ideal. Cluster feeding is how you’ll produce more! Again… supplemental formula is the fast track route to lowering your own supply (in this early phase particularly). He settles after it because he’s zonked on the casein.

I sound anti formula but it’s not that: simply that it’s not a neutral act to supplement if your intention is to optimise your breast milk supply and feeding!

This will all be a distant memory soon. Enjoy the snuggles when you can. You’ve got this

What BedBathAndBeyonce has said already.

I got such a shock with my first child, at just how hard that initial month of breastfeeding was!

OP, you've said "I want to eventually move to 100% BFing": in that case, you should ditch the formula asap, as every FF is a step further away from 100% Bfeeding. You're nearly there, you just need to bite the bullet, decide, and only give your baby breast milk from now on - you can totally do it

I'd also recommend experimenting with feeding lying down on your side at night (I'm sure there are YTube videos), as it's just so much more restful for you - it was a total game changer for me.

I wish you the best of luck - you can do this!

I’ve been in your shoes and I promise it is possible to transition back to ebf, but it’s bloody tough going at the start. Feeding formula at night will likely be your biggest hurdle (it was mine too!) as more prolactin is created at night, so breastfeeding during this time has most impact on increasing milk supply.

I highly recommend Lucy Ruddle’s book Mixed Up (free if you have kindle unlimited). It’s handily written in bitesized chunks so it’s easy to quickly jump to the relevant section and was the best resource I found for combi feeding and transitioning back to ebf. It’s also super non-judgmental which was exactly what I needed when I was in the thick of it and already feeling like I was letting DD down.

I’d also recommend finding a good breastfeeding support group (if you happen to be in east anglia I can recommend a great one!). I started attending one when I was at my lowest ebb and genuinely couldn’t imagine breastfeeding for another hour, yet with their help I’ve gone on to feed my DD for nearly 2yrs now. I’d honestly have been lost without them!

Finally, the biggest thing I learnt was no two pumps are the same, and if you’re not pumping much it’s likely to be the pump rather than your milk supply (in most cases!). If you can I’d look at hiring a hospital grade pump (I rented the Medela symphony) as it’ll be way more effective than many of the home pumps you can buy.

Sending lots of love, as I know just how bloody difficult this part is ❤️

The real challenge will be the night as that is when I’ve been relying heavily on bottle feeding as he seems more fussy at night and settles well on formula

This here may be the source of your problem. The lactation consultant told me the night time feeds are the most important for supply. Yes, he's fussy, and yes he cluster feeds at night, but the hormone producing milk is highest midnight-4am so it's really important you breastfeed then. The pump is not as efficient as the baby so pumping won't help.

Sounds like you’re doing brilliantly, echo what someone said above about seeing if you can crack feeding lying down because that’s a real game changer. Also changing positions regularly helps if your nipples start to get too sore from cluster feeding. Don’t forget loads of water, snacks and lanolin for you!