Would you give up?

[Hellogoodmorning]

Hello all, cross posting for traffic and also I'd love to hear from a wide range of posters. Sorry it's a bit long!

We have two wonderful children conceived via IVF. We were so lucky for things to work out relatively straightforwardly once we got going. We thought that having one more child, with our remaining embryos would be lovely. Financially, possibly a stretch but manageable - same emotionally and physically.

We went back - a c-section niche was found, cue 1k test to check for any chronic infeftion. More testing for all kinds of issues, hundreds down. A cancelled cycle, again hundreds. Finally got to transfer 2.1k down and it worked, but I miscarried at 7 weeks. After I miscarried I went for a scan 5 weeks later as I was still bleeding, retained products found. Had to take misprostol - finally a negative pregnancy test two months after. I went back for another transfer with one of our two remaining embryos, I was found to have high gardnerella possibly from all the prolonged bleeding. Took antibiotics, they didn't work, I've now been prescribed more.

I fear that I'll regret not persevering for this third child, a family I'd always imagined, but this is expensive and taxing. I have some savings and I would love an abdominoplasty as polyhydramnios left me with severe diastasis recti. It feels selfish to spend the money on this. I think of the two wonderful children I have and I'm in many ways at my limit. Would love to use the resources we have to give them more. DH just not keen at all but would never say no to me. Preserving my marriage is important to me.

Everything says stop right? Or not? My heart says keep going, especially as we have spare embryos but I think logic should win.
Would really appreciate people's thoughts.

Honestly OP, I'd stop, and focus on giving the two lovely DC that you have the best possible life.

If DH isn't keen then I would stop, never mind the other reasons.

You say yourself you have two wonderful children. Read that back, two wonderful children. I would honestly draw a line and focus on them.

Thanks everyone, it feels like a relief to hear that stopping is what others would do. It's almost like I need to give myself permission to do so. I'm so lucky and I've been re-reading my words, does bring it all home.

I’ve not been through IVF but I have two kids and I am constantly torn over whether to have a third. I feel like I’m slowly leaning towards the fact that I would have more regret if a third kid was to upset our dynamic or have a profound impact my health, our income etc than I would regret not trying for a third. Basically I think I need to put my two existing children above my desire for the family of five I always pictured.

This framing is really helpful. I also think about it in terms of the trade-off between offering new sibling relationships to our current children and the reality of them receiving less parental attention. While we know we’ll always be there for our children, we can’t guarantee that they’ll develop a close bond with a new sibling, which adds some risk on that side as well. Good luck with your decision.