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Original poster

Issues at childminders

12 replies

Alice4417 · 30/10/2024 18:14

Hi all I don't know what to do anymore ! My 13.5 month old boy started childminders in the middle of September and goes two days a week.
First couple of days he absolutely loved it. It was a novelty I guess.
Then he started to realise this was the place he gets left ! It all sunk in !
He had two weeks of being fairly upset, crying whenever the childminder left the room even for a few seconds or moved away. However he then seemed to turn a corner and started to enjoy himself far more, still would fuss a little when she wasn't nearby but not nearly as much.

The week before last he only went once because he was ill. So there was a longer gap and he seemed to go back to square one with being super unhappy.
Today it seems to be the worse day yet. He has cried every time the childminder has left but now is also crying if she even holds or cuddles the other children. He didn't even want the other children to sit near him 😭.
She said he doesn't and hasn't really ever interacted with the other children as he's always so upset. He just wants to be 1 to 1 with her. She says he's got severe separation anxiety and this is just the way he is and is 'wired'. Is she inferring that he's autistic or something else because of all this ? The not wanting to interact with other children etc ?

It's all very strange as he's such a sociable baby and loves being with people at clubs etc but I'm always there with him so I think it's separation anxiety related with his age and based around me.

Is this normal to take so long for him to settle in and any tips to make it easier for him ?
It's breaking my heart 😭

OP posts:
mollyfolk · 30/10/2024 18:20

No, she is likely not qualified to suggest autism. He just sounds very distressed in a new environment. I'd give it a few weeks and see if he settles. I moved mine after one didn't settle in a nursery. I have it two months.

Oxforddictionary12 · 30/10/2024 18:32

I had a similar thing when my lad started at his childminder. Exactly as you described- fine for a few weeks and then the separation anxiety kicked in and I think there was one day where he pretty much cried all day. It was tough and you just feel awful and helpless. I can't remember exactly how long it lasted but probably took a few weeks before the worst was over. It's always worse after a gap for illness etc.
Hang in there. It's really tough but it is likely to improve given that he had such fun the first few weeks. Our childminder was really good and didn't give up on him- she planned activities that he particularly loved too. One thing that helped was my son bringing a scarf that smelt of me to snuggle with at nap time. Stay positive when talking about childcare days with him- it will get better x

RandomMess · 30/10/2024 18:36

Could you visit with him every weekday for a while even just an hour or so to make it a positive experience?

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Original poster
Alice4417 · 30/10/2024 18:51

Oxforddictionary12 · 30/10/2024 18:32

I had a similar thing when my lad started at his childminder. Exactly as you described- fine for a few weeks and then the separation anxiety kicked in and I think there was one day where he pretty much cried all day. It was tough and you just feel awful and helpless. I can't remember exactly how long it lasted but probably took a few weeks before the worst was over. It's always worse after a gap for illness etc.
Hang in there. It's really tough but it is likely to improve given that he had such fun the first few weeks. Our childminder was really good and didn't give up on him- she planned activities that he particularly loved too. One thing that helped was my son bringing a scarf that smelt of me to snuggle with at nap time. Stay positive when talking about childcare days with him- it will get better x

It's so hard isn't it. I think he's gone a total of 8 times maybe 9 so I would have thought he would be settled by now but it just seems to be getting worse and worse !
It's just the fact he's not even wanting to be anywhere near the children that worries me. I don't know if that is normal or if it's all part of the separation anxiety. My heart is in pieces x

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/10/2024 18:54

Twice a week creates long gaps at that age. Hence suggesting you visit in between.

Jojobees · 30/10/2024 18:58

I would take her saying this is how he is ‘wired’ to mean a personality trait as opposed to something you have created. I think she was trying to be reassuring that he will get there and settle.

I had one that settled quickly and one who took longer. They both got there in the end.

Original poster
Alice4417 · 30/10/2024 19:47

Jojobees · 30/10/2024 18:58

I would take her saying this is how he is ‘wired’ to mean a personality trait as opposed to something you have created. I think she was trying to be reassuring that he will get there and settle.

I had one that settled quickly and one who took longer. They both got there in the end.

I guess so. Its so hard. He's done 8 sessions maybe 9 now and I thought it would be getting better rather than worse x

OP posts:
mindutopia · 30/10/2024 19:47

This is very normal after illness for several weeks. And 13 month olds really only interact with their adult caregivers, not with other children, so completely normal that he wants to play mostly with her. I would expect her to know that’s fairly developmentally normal tbh and to have her ratios such that she can handle everyone’s needs.

Original poster
Alice4417 · 30/10/2024 19:52

mindutopia · 30/10/2024 19:47

This is very normal after illness for several weeks. And 13 month olds really only interact with their adult caregivers, not with other children, so completely normal that he wants to play mostly with her. I would expect her to know that’s fairly developmentally normal tbh and to have her ratios such that she can handle everyone’s needs.

Edited

Thank you for your comment. It made me spiral with worry when she said he doesn't interact with the other children and even worse doesn't seem to want them near him. I can only think this is the anxiety and upset as like I said he is absolutely fine at clubs and play dates with other people and children.

OP posts:
noaccess · 30/10/2024 19:56

I think this can be the downside of childminders. It can be an absolutely brilliant environment and I am 100% not knocking it, but if you have a particularly needy or clingy child (and my own dd is so please don’t think I’m saying anything is wrong with this!) it can be hard to manage. I only have two children and I find the older one gets pushed out as the little one is intense to say the least.

Overthebow · 30/10/2024 20:00

It may not be the right setting for him. The child under won’t be able to give him as much attention as he wants as there’s only one child minder and more than one child. He may do better in nursery where there’s more staff and he’ll be in a room with just babies his age.

Original poster
Alice4417 · 30/10/2024 21:24

noaccess · 30/10/2024 19:56

I think this can be the downside of childminders. It can be an absolutely brilliant environment and I am 100% not knocking it, but if you have a particularly needy or clingy child (and my own dd is so please don’t think I’m saying anything is wrong with this!) it can be hard to manage. I only have two children and I find the older one gets pushed out as the little one is intense to say the least.

It's so hard isn't it. Hopefully things will get better with time

OP posts:
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