SAHMs I admire you!

[NewDKmum]

In my life I have held down 4 jobs. The first 2 as a practising solicitor in two different countries, the 3rd as a legal adviser in a large company in Central London and the 4th as a SAHM for the last 2½ years.

I have no doubt which one is the hardest! Stressful cases are nothing compared to the stress of settling a crying baby. Dealing with clients is a walk in the park compared to the constant demands and whinging that a toddler can put up. Working 50-60 hours a week doesn't make you in the least bit as tired as broken nights.

This is what I remind myself of when sometimes (often) I feel like I don't 'do' anything after a day of singing nursery tunes at m&t group, serving countless meals that are only half-eaten and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Just thought I'd let you know

Why, thenk you

After the last few weeks of being at home with two small, ill children (I too am a SAHM with a DH who works away) I can not thank you enough for this post! Made my day - it should be pasted to the walls of all SAHM/SAHD's.

NewDKmum - sorry, I'm a bit confused. When you say 'Working 50-60 hours a week doesn't make you in the least bit as tired as broken nights' I assume you have not been a WOHM? Or have I got that wrong?

I am about to be a SAHM after being a WOHM so I will see which I find harder and get back to you

Thank you! As the mother of a toddler-in-waiting it's nice to hear that my days aren't wasted.

I too get to the end of the day and think, I've done bugger all. Last night I sat down and actually listed what I'd done, when it felt like nothing. Here's the list:

• Take DD to play group.
• Straight from play group, drive 15 miles to pick niece up from pre-school.
• Drive home and feed two children.
• Put DD down for a nap and whilst she's asleep, do the following with DN - walk to park, paint, chalk on patio, play ball, play hopscotch on drive (much to the neighbours amusement) and supply with constant stream of fruit and juice.
• Get DD up and play with both of them in the garden for a couple of hours.

And I STILL felt like I hadn't achieved anything because the laundry basket was still overflowing.

NewDKMum - but do you feel deeply fulfilled? I'm a solicitor as well and mum of 3. I went back to work p-t after DS1 and 2, but given childcare costs and general chaos and contemplating not going back this time. Previous two times I was dreading going back and had mixed feelings while I was working - I found working p-t and being a mum more tiring than being a SAHM, although def agree that work is easier than childcare (used to growl when colleagues said 'oh it's your day off tomorrow' on one of my childcare days. I missed the children when working and wasn't that into my job, although bits of it I loved and I liked having some grown up time and having a professional identity. This time I'm scared that if I don't go back I'll find it hard, longer term, to feel stimulated and will feel that have lost half myself. How do you cope with this? Am also worried about the long term and how hard it'll be to go back eventually if out for years.

Thanks for your posts!

Glad I made your day, nellieloula - hope your little ones get better soon.

spicemonster & lilyfire - I haven't been a WOHM, but will start working 30 hours a week come September. Dd1 will be 2½ and dd2 1 yo. Dd1 definitely ready to go to nursery, but no doubt dd2 would rather stay at home with me. So I am doing it partly for selfish reasons to do with the fears that you mention lilyfire and partly for financial reasons. Also, we are now back in Denmark where all mums work (and childcare is subsidised therefore costs app £200 a month). Therefore there are practically no toddlergroups and I feel like my eldest is losing out a bit by being with me all day.

Will give it a bit of time and see how we all thrive with it, and then might try for a dc3 .

I am actually disagree, I found the stress of my job much harder to cope with being at SAHM to 3!!

Thanks NewDK mum,
For me the most difficult part is that the work you put in is not recognised on a day-to-day basis. All that wiping, mopping, scrubbing, washing, sweeping, hoovering, swilling, dusting etc etc is not recogised.

However I am confident that the fact I have been just more 'available' to my DC after I gave my job up 3 years ago when my eldest was 5 will show it's benefits long-term.

Bloody hope so anyway

i am with you all!!! it is hard, hard, hard and i mostly feel completely unappreciated.

Thankyou.

I was a primary teacher but find being a SAHM to 3 under 5 a lot harder than teaching 30 5 year olds!!!!!

Still haven't worked out why but wouldn't swop it for the world-ok maybe some days I would

Totally agree NewDKmum. Unless you have easy children (plants?), being a SAHM is definitely harder, more difficult to bear, days so long and boring, juggling balls and liontaming, with hardly anything tangible achieved. I have been on maternity leave for a total of 2 years. That is why I am working.

being a SAHM is the most demanding and exhausting and stressfull job i have ever had. I have never worked so hard, because it has never meant so much

am i SAHM of 2 for a little bit longer, and am looking forward to going back to work to get a bit of a breaK!

I would agree, SAHMs have it hard.

SAHM is hard work. WOHM is hard too - demanding and tiring in a different way. And you still come home to your children and all those jobs that need doing!!

Did anyone else have to apply for their job as SAHM? I didn't. I feel it was a rather wreckless posting - nobody checked my credentials, I've been doing it for two years and haven't had an appraisal, and I'm yet to get a contract saying how many days holiday a year I'm entitled to. I need to tell someone that I'm horribly understaffed, but I don't have any contact details for the HR department.
Also, my two managers are demanding tyrants. My boss in my last job certainly didn't sit on me shouting 'Mamma horsey!' or expect me to wipe his bum. But who do you turn to when your bosses treat you unfairly?

" I assume you have not been a WOHM"

Yep. I assumed that too . Just wait till you try that.... Worst of both worlds.

LOL phlossie. advice I was given about being treated unfairly is to take on some temp staff (but only for a few hours)to recharge, before it all starts again !!!
Your boss is always right, always hungry and always watching

. thank you! (i love being SAHM though!)

but maybe thats because I know its not forever and then i can go back to earning loads of dosh!!!!

Thanks NewDKmum - I'm a SAHM for my GS. DH did it for a while when we first moved here. He lasted from September 2005 and started job hunting that December - returning to full time work in Mid-Jan 2006. So he is very good at appreciating how much easier it is to go out to work.
I worked through all the 3 I gave birth to and wasn't half as knackered as I feel now at the end of the day. Don't think I'd swap back though.

good thinking about the temp staff, Lisa! Am i allowed to employ my sister or is that nepotism?
I'm a WFHMITEAW (work from home mum in the evenings and weekends). I have my two (2.2 and 7mo) full-time all day every day and work as a freelancer at the weekends and in the evenings.

Sister would count as employee
Im on MAT leave right now, but will going back PT. Mine are 5years and 7months. Sounds like you have a handful