Toddler behaviour at nursery

[mumwithallthebooks]

Posting this here too for traffic (hopefully!):
Hi my DS is 3.5 and has been at the same nursery since he was a baby. In his current room - the preschool one - his behaviour has become more challenging. His worker has informed us he pushes other children and sometimes pulls their hair. He can shout if they have a toy he wants or if he doesn't like what they do. We are keen to support him (and of course in turn the nursery) the best we can. What is developmentally appropriate here in terms of how we can support from home? He has a good set of friends at nursery but definitely doesn't like going this year compared to previous years and goes through phases of being upset at handover. He says everyday he doesn't like it.

Is he not able to move to Foundation F1 at a normal school setting?

My son was outgrowing preschool, he is also 3.5 and started F1 in September. He loves the structure, the smaller set of children, the quieter afternoons as a lot of children only do 15 hours there and if I ask him if he wants to go back to preschool I get a very confident no from him.

I actually can't believe how well he has settled in and how much he loves it.

Assuming you live in the UK..

He attends 4 days and I don't think we could get that in a nursery at a school, only 5 half days. Interesting what you say though about your boy enjoying it more as mine has definitely fallen out of love with nursery.

Ciukd you do 5 half days and have a CM first the other 4 half days and holidays? Assuming you can get a CM who is willing to do this?

One thing I would suggest is doing this simple progress checker, just to make sure he's not getting frustrated because of his communication.

Could he be tired too? Might help to have a few early nights and see if that improves his behaviour?

Yes you can get that in a nursery at school.

My son started with 3 days and 2 days at his preschool but he loved it that much we moved him over for the 5 full days.

The 5 half days you are referring to are those doing 15 hours but now most off the 30 hours and you pay for the lunch time provision. They do however finish at normal 'home time' which was an adjustment for us as my son used to finish at 4.30 at preschool.

I had no clue about F1 with my daughter and she remained in preschool until she started F2 (Reception).

Please inquire, 3.5 years olds are definitely ready for a different setting...

I'd ask for a meeting with the staff at Nursery and ask them if they have seen a pattern ....... if they can see a trigger ....... if it is something they've had concerns about for a while ...... if they have any other concerns.......
Ask them to be really honest with you - to say if they have concerns, or have had any concerns before this conversation.

How are the nursery managing it? Realistically, you can’t manage behaviour that happened at nursery at home. 3 year olds don’t work like that. They need to be addressing it and setting consequences and following through on them, but also discussing appropriate behaviour with him. If you see the same behaviour at home, you need to follow a consistent approach.

At 3.5, he’s not a toddler. He’s a child who ought to be capable of understanding by now that pulling people’s hair is a no no. The occasional lapse by a child of that age can be expected but regularly behaving like this can’t.

Thank you all for your help. We met with nursery who said it is occasional rather than a regular thing. We spoke to him about his behaviour yesterday and made a big thing of reminding him before nursery today and then praising him tonight as they said he had a great day. Thank you @PolaroidPrincess especially for the progress checker as although his language has always seemed quite advanced, this does show potential social communication difficulties and in a family with a lot of neurodivergance that's interesting.

especially for the progress checker as although his language has always seemed quite advanced, this does show potential social communication difficulties and in a family with a lot of neurodivergance that's interesting.

Ok so the fact that the progress checker from Speech & Language UK is showing that he needs some support probably isn't coming as a huge shock given what's happening at Nursery and the ND in your family?

Some things you can do are asking to see your HV.

Fill in the 3.5 year Ages & Stagess and the 48 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stagess and ask your HV to mark them.

I'd expect a referral for a hearing test and SLT as a minimum giving the results from Speech & Language UK's progress checker.

You could ask for a referral for Occupational Therapy to see if you can get some support for Nursery.

I'd also request an ECHP. I usually direct people to the SN Children section for advice on that but though as the very knowledgeable MNers in there are great for directing you on how to apply and what it should include.

Thanks. I have never heard or known of him to pull hair before so it was a one off but I agree, it is definitely a no no.

Thanks. I asked nursery to have their SENCO observe him and they seemed completely confused why I'd request that and thought developmentally he was fine so I am not sure what to think. I am going to start with the HV initially as a way in.