Hello everyone! I am new here, my apologies if this isn't the correct place for this. Two major things I'm having severe anxiety and frustrations over are care for my one year old son and my in laws. I'll keep this a short as possible, please bare with me if it gets longer than expected.
I'll start with my son's care. He is 15 months and has some major delays. When I was pregnant with him there was a knot found in the cord and he failed every stress test starting at 28 weeks until he was delivered at 37 weeks. I begged them to take him early as I felt something wasn't right but Dr adamantly refused. I was assured nothing would happen and no adverse effects would come of waiting. I knew right away something was wrong, we'll call it intuition and being my 6th child I trusted my instincts. He was diagnosed with torticollis after 8 weeks of me pestering his pediatrician, I've raised numerous concerns but have been ignored. Finally at his 1 yr appointment the dr finally agreed that he has major developmental delays. He couldn't hold his head up by himself until well after 8 months, he cannot stand or crawl and he cannot/will not eat foods. We tried to transition to milk but he had such and severe adverse reaction he is back on formula. We do have a referral to a swallow study in Dec, an eye specialist in Jan, and we took him for allergy testing, thyroid tests, among tons of other blood work over 34 days ago. I've called the Dr 8 times trying to get the results but even they don't have them and don't seem to be concerned with where they are. Hospital won't allow me access to those results telling me I need to wait for his dr to discuss the results with me. We go in today to see his Dr but they still don't have any results so I feel it's pointless in going. I'm just so frustrated with everyone since no one seems to care or is taking concern with my son's problems and I keep getting run in circles or told there's nothing I can do personally.
On to my next issue- my in laws. I have no family of my own so I'm grateful that both sets of my in-laws have accepted me into their family and treat me as a daughter. My husband's parents are divorced and remarried, so that's why I say both sets. My FIL and stepMIL live 20 mins from us. I used to love spending time with them and their advice from time to time. Over the last year they have become overbearing. Constantly reminding me that I need to do this or do that or "have you done...." regarding my youngest son. They're also not just giving advice anymore but telling what I need to do.It makes me feel they see me as incompetent with my parenting. I've expressed this to them and they did back off for maybe a week. I understand they love their grandchildren and have concerns but come on. SMIL has started doing things that I find incredibly rude. I hate visiting them now. Every time we visit it's for an entire day and she will cook dinner and offer the kids snacks. All of which I'm fine with until she offers me to try something and insists I will like it even if I tell her no thank you or I do not like that but thanks anyway. She will proceed to try and shove it in my mouth and chase me around the house until my husband or FIL have to step in and tell her to stop. This to me is not okay and makes me so very uncomfortable. They call every single day and want to talk to my kids and I for hours on end even if i tell them we need to go or need to be somwhere. They absolutely lose their mind if I don't answer. I've had to just start ignoring them completely for days on end recently for my own sanity but that's putting a strain on my family's relationship with them as now im being seen in a bad light. I don't know how to handle it. Even my kids are burnt out on talking with them so much.
Now the biggest headache for me. My husband's mother and step father. Last year they moved 9 hours away and seem happy with where they are. That is fantastic but MIL regularly tries to guilt me into being the reason behind her depression- I am not sending enough pictures of the grandbabies to her. I don't have the time to sit around and entertain her wants especially when she will not adhere to my husband and my boundary of keeping photos we send to her off social media. I will not be made to feel guilty when it was her decision to move so far away knowing she has small grandchildren with another on the way. I am 21 weeks pregnant, high risk pregnancy due to clotting issues, a prior classical incision, and we found out last week that this baby has a two vessel umbilical cord. I had a classical incision done years back when I needed an emergency c section at 25 weeks. My last two pregnancies have both been c sections between 36-37 weeks and absolutely no longer than exactly 37 weeks. MIL knows this and knows the reasoning that going any longer would potentially put mine and my child's life at serious risk if my uterus was to rupture. She has consistently made me so uncomfortable postpartum and overstepped so many boundaries that I was quite excited she wouldn't be around for this one. I was wrong. She has every intention of taking off work to be here for the birth of this baby as well. I'm not comfortable with that as I don't want visitors for a while. I've always asked for that and been completely ignored with each child. This baby is set to be taken Feb 14th unless there is an issue and needs to be taken sooner. MIL since finding out has been demanding that I make sure the Dr waits until the end of Feb or even beginning of March because that is her busiest time at work and could affect her job. I told her to stay working as I'd enjoy peace and quiet for the first several weeks anyway and now she's saying oh her job isn't that important, her last grandchild being born is top priority. I cannot convince her otherwise and my husband won't say anything to her. My husband just found out from his aunt yesterday that MIL and step FIL will be coming to visit this weekend and are expecting to stay with us. We haven't heard a word from MIL about this so my husband told his aunt to relay to MIL that we won't even be home this weekend so it's best if they find other accommodations. He wasn't lying, we will be at my husband's dad's house for the weekend celebrating a birthday and taking his boat out so we wont be back at home until Sunday evening. I'm not reaching out to MIL as I feel it should be my husband's place to step in and enforce mine/our boundaries since she's consistently ignored me for years. I've gotten so resentful towards MIL that I can't stand to even see her name on my caller ID. She acts like a super concerned and involved grandparent but she's never remembered any of their birthdays.....for almost 14 years now! Our older children don't even like her as she's one that just wants their attention to get photos of them so she can brag to her friends instead of actually getting to know them or spend any time with them. I'm dreading my next conversation with her. My husband and I are at odds about her coming for the birth. He says he needs the help while I'm in hospital which I can understand as the other set is in too poor of health to do much. Flip side is I don't want her around when I come home nor do I want her lingering around for however long she deems appropriate. My SIL 17 years ago had major PPD to the point where MIL had to move in and basically step up as my niece's mother while SIL got treatment and help. MIL lived with them for a solid 3 years and is 100% confident that I'll be in the same position and need her here as I "seemed depressed like PPD after my other children". I wasn't actually depressed, I was hurt, mad, and withdrew away from her because she basically ruined every chance I had to bond with my own little family in the first few months with each of my 6 children. I just want this one to be how I want it but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle here.