Daughter is going off the rails

[Itiswhatitis2022]

This is long so please bear with. Daughter is 18 in April. She has self harmed in the past and overdosed on otc medication. She is on sertraline after they suggested she was suffering with clinical depression. Was on Fluoexetin before this. I feel she is going off the rails and because I am concerned of the consequences of tackling this, I have been soft. We have got to the point where something needs to change and I am going to be proposing things such as deadlines for being home during the week and weekend, no drugs in the house, no boys sleeping over. I just don't know where to start with her as I know I have been a pushover. Any help appreciated as her actions and behaviour are impacting the whole house.

No she hasn't been assessed for any underlying issues. How would I identify she needs to be would you say?

This could have been written ɓy me when DS was 17 (apart from.the illegal drugs). He refused to attend appointments with CAMHS, dropped out of 6th form, was horrendous to live with to the point of me becoming suicidal and having to take Citalopram. He was also suicidal, chronically depressed - never left his room, didn't eat, screamed at us whenever we tried to engage with us etc etc.

He's now 28, has completed a 3 year apprenticeship and is in a job he loves. He's an absolute delight to be with, he lives 80 miles away but comes to visit us regularly. He phones for a chat a couple of times a week.

I really can't believe he's the same person. We had to endure 3 years of hell at home, he moved out when he was 20 and sorted himself out. He needed space from us and us from him.

I know it's really hard to hang in there when your child is going off the rails. We didn't throw him out as I felt that, if we did, he would sink without trace and never come good. However, I would never blame a parent who made the decision to evict their (adult) son or daughter.

No particular advice I'm afraid, but in DS' case it all came good. He sometimes reflects back on those days and admits that his behaviour was horrendous and abusive. He has apologised, and we have accepted that apology because we believe he was incredibly unhappy as a teenager.

Thanks for posting and so pleased your ds has turned a corner. I too have feelings of not wanting to be here, as I am so exhausted by it all.

She's an addict and a rape victim, she needs therapy and support

Ask CAMHS for an autism assessment? I'm not in the UK but my DD was screened for several other conditions as part of her autism assessment.

When I was going through hell with my DD someone on another forum suggested autism and sent me this book. I know the term aspergers is no longer used but the book itself was eye opening. I was reading a book written by someone who must have met my DD. Things I'd never even thought to connect to her behavioural problems suddenly dropped into place. Eg, why would you connect a teenager self harming to a toddler using too much paint at nursery? And yet they are both traits of autism in girls.

www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Asperger-Child-Individualized/dp/0399530703/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=26CKCVIHUD2CK&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.WmeggKaWrPMEmceaazbipof4JgcZoK0oKPa3gnfmgA69iKD7ZR6MlpqRJzTfp799C-wCP5jM2gqyh-p7a2kaNw.OYhVdTFdc54wse4M52ER9hSo4JAv_xEDCs89N9ZQFl4&dib_tag=se&keywords=aspergers+grayson&qid=1730211447&sprefix=aspergers+grayson%2Caps%2C249&sr=8-1

In addition to the good advice, if she really is keen to go to Uni, there's your lever. She needs to engage more with school (meet safeguarding lead?) and focus on her studying. No parental funding for Uni unless she engages with other therapy and support services now!

ok, first and foremost: how is the relationship between your daughter and her father. Does he care for her in a healthy and supportive way?

She needs structure. Does she go to sixth form or college or have a job? Does she have any good friends?

Has the reckless behaviour started since being on antidepressants? If so, are there any symptoms of hypomania? Antidepressants in those that are susceptible can trigger a switch from depression to mania or hypomania. Hypomania is a milder form of mania in that it doesn't cause detachment from reality or the psychotic symptoms of mania but it can make a person make very different decisions to normal.

Alternatively, it could be part of the depression. I had a bad time with depression and anxiety as a teenager and I would do anything I could to hurt myself and whilst that didn't involve drugs, I did put myself into situations I shouldn't have due to drink and a complete disregard for my own safety. It was a symptom of my depression and not me acting out. I would turn up to school drunk and be slightly hungover by lunchtime. My insides felt like they were being torn out with a blunt knife I didn't anything I could to try and numb that pain.... usually with more pain physical or emotional.

I turned out ok in the end. I made it to uni got undergraduate and postgraduate degrees, have a good job and I have lovely friends, partner, daughter and life. I was diagnosed with bipolar in my 20s and finally my teens made sense. I had a reason for that aching hole at long last. I still have mental illness but it doesn't rule my life in the same way it did at 18.

Thanks for posting and I am pleased to hear your positive outcome. I think her reckless behaviour is due to smoking weed which seems to have increased in the last few weeks. What helped you?

Her relationship with her Dad is average. She also has no relationship with her step dad as he has put his foot down in regards to drugs in the house.

Sorry didn't read the bit about bipolar. How did you get that diagnosis as I feel thus is what dd has.

Yes she is 2nd year of college and works 12 hours a week over 3 shifts. She loves her friends.

This was my thought as well. I had a similar issue on sertraline. I had to get a private diagnosis for bipolar but it was nowhere near as expensive as what I've seen people paying for autism assessments and I have had no trouble accessing help on the NHS since diagnosis (pre diagnosis I couldn't get anywhere with the NHS). It's difficult with hypomania or mixed episodes to get a diagnosis but they diagnosed bipolar after extensive questions and full history and crucially, the diagnosis was confirmed by the fact that bipolar medication makes it all stop.

Antidepressants are a known problem with bipolar. The minute she turns 18, she will be under CMHT instead of CAMHS. I have found CMHT more useful than CAMHS who were absolutely hopeless with me and basically put me off seeking any help again until I was in my twenties and had totally ruined my life and career.

I'd start by reading up on inattentive ADHD, especially how it can affect girls. I didn't be the one to mention ND but as others have said that they've experienced similar things with their DD's who've then been diagnosed I think it's worth reading up at least

Lots of girls and women are misdiagnosed with Bipolar when they actually have ASD. If you're thinking of getting her assessed for bipolar I'd read up on ASD and how it affects girls first and think about getting her assessed for that first?

Getting older and having more responsibilities meant I had to start taking my mental health seriously. I had a manic episode when I was 21 - I thought I could fly and people were coming after me to stop me becoming the ruler of the world. I held down a full time job at the time but was getting into trouble for speaking my mind inappropriately. The Dr didn't take this into account so put down that I didn't have symptoms whilst at work so it couldn't be bipolar. I narrowly escaped an admission, thankfully the meds start to work the day I had my assessment, I had been given 2 more days to start coming down after my last appointment. I didn't get the bipolar diagnosis for another few years.

I started my PhD and had another depression as a consequence of the previous drs comments I was put on antidepressants without any mood stabilisers and went high again. Not quite delusional but not making much sense. I then got a referral to the early intervention service and they stop antidepressants and started me on mood stabilisers. The early intervention service is for people newly experiencing or risk of experiencing psychosis and it provides 3 years of support to help you manage your moods and mental health symptoms. This joined up support was amazing and I wish it was more widely available for others with mental health problems. They monitored how my mood changed over those 3 years and what triggered it and decided at discharge that bipolar was the most likely diagnosis but I had been on the treatment for bipolar from referral. The single most helpful thing was the switch from antidepressants to mood stabiliser. Antidepressants are great except if you are bipolar when they can be dangerous!

With drugs it can often be a chicken and egg situation. The poor mental health and self medicating can drive you to drugs and the drugs make your mental health worse and you use drugs more. What support does she have at the moment?

Hypomania can be very subtle and I can experience it without those around me putting a finger on what is going on. I just get annoying, with more energy than I know what to do with. The energy can be euphoric and I have grand plans or dysphoric and I'm anxious and irritable and difficult to be around. It can look like drug use and drug use would absolutely make it worse. Usually a mental health team would want to see the same symptoms without the presence of drugs.

I was under the 16-19 service branch of camhs at that age that specialised in older teens and bridged the gap between camhs and cmht and they were really helpful. In my town cmht was poor at the time but this service was good. It's such a post code lottery and this service wasn't uniformly available 18 years ago and I don't think that has changed.

Bipolar, ADHD and autism and a list of other diagnoses overlap and it can take time to figure out the cause and effect of symptoms. We had a session on neuro diversity at work and i would say there were quite a few common things between the experiences of the speakers with autism and ADHD. For me the difference is I will experience these symptoms for a few months and then nothing for years. Then there's hormones at play too. The two most difficult times in my life have been when doing my a levels and after having my daughter. For me hormones and mental illness is very toxic! I had been on the combined pill for over 4 years before realising that I was bed bound with suicidal thoughts most weeks off. I switched to the mini pill and it went away.

Do you guys attend a church? I think it could be beneficial for you, your daughter, and family bringing you all much healing. "With God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26

Does she want to go to uni to be away from her current situation? Or to study something she likes? Her motivation for uni matters, because once you understand that you're starting to get to the crux of the issue

Sounds EXACTLY like my dd from 16-18yo.

Diagnosed ADHD AT 17.5.

Good luck!!