Would like to reach out for some advice as me and my husband after 8 years together are on the verge of separating due to the challenges of navigating a military blended family.
We both have children from previous relationships, that are polar opposites.
My son is very clever, bubbly, outgoing, loud, doesn't always do as his told but on the whole he is a good kid. His son is very timed, struggles academicly doesn't talk from himself, not out going, doesn't play with toys, sit on a device. He is very compliant and overall a very kind, good boy.
Some context.
My H is away Monday to Friday and comes home and weekends. Every other weekend he has his son. There are times my H is away for long periods of time also. We go mostly 50/50 on bills. I get the food shopping and pay for all the house renovations.
Unfortunately in the mix of this we have his ex calling the shots on every occasion either that we can't see him or we have to have him. Over the years my H hasn't really been that worried about having his son there have been many of times he said his not home so he doesn't have to him or made up excuses like his cars broken.
My H wants to discipline my son very firmly but I struggle with his when he is only home 2 days a week and his parently is the complete opposite to mine. I think I have a good understanding of children as I work full time in education. (No expert but you definitely have your eyes opened)
We have got to the stage now that my H point scores as to which child has behaved. I find this really difficulty as during the week, my son does everything he is suppose to and is very responsible.
His standards are so high and very hypercritical, alot of the time he only sees my sons flaws and not his own.
My H has also racked up lots of debt without me knowing and now we aren't able to do thing like go on holiday as he can't afford it. And unfortunately I can't afford to pay for us all. I have broached the subject of could me and my son still go and that is a firm no, this is with everything days out, meals etc. He thinks our boys should be treated equally and whilst I agree with that to a certain extend, why should my son miss out because of his debts.
The equality has got to the point where my H has even counted the photos in my mum and dad house to see how many of my son and how many of his.
It's got to the point where it is so petty and no matter how much we talk we just aren't getting anyway. I dread him coming home because he just picks holes in everything, I try my best to be a mum, work full time in a high pressured environment, I am studying to better myself, have two dogs a home to keep, I run and play netball, after I was told by him I need to get out more. I just don't know what to do.
If there are any blended miltiary family out there that are set up like ours, I would love to get in touch.
I want to save my marriage but at work costs I'm not sure.