Conflicted over maternity leave

[Starshine8]

I was set to return to work at the end of Jan, my DS will be 9 months old. DH is able to take 2 months paternity leave then on full pay (whereas I would get nothing by then).

Another complication is I’m being promoted but it’s a maternity cover initially, as the persons mat leave starts in Jan.

Im really struggling with the thought of going back to work, my DS still seems so little and our NCT group are mostly a little younger. We spend a lot of time with them and it’s hit me I won’t be able to socialise as much.

The extra money from DH getting full pay isn’t essential but it would be nice. And the maternity cover could be an added complication.

Wwyd in this scenario? Go back or try to extend your leave? I know it’s inevitable but the end of January seems very close now!

What does DH say? Ultimately this is a family decision so his thoughts matter too.

Returning to work is never easy, regardless of when it happens but at least you know DH will be with him for a couple of months and you aren’t having to deal with going back AND nursery settling in all at once.

I was in your identical position this year OP, due back in January with DH taking 2 months until DS started nursery in March when he turned one. The decision ended up being taken out of my hands as DH got a new job starting in the Feb so lost eligibility for shared parental leave, but in hindsight I think I’d have really struggled to go back in January. Quite specific to us but DS was still breastfed and didn’t ever take a bottle, and was slow to solids so that would’ve been hard. But even that aside, I was devastated enough when Mat leave finished in March and found it really upsetting to be away from DS, so am very grateful we got the extra 2 months together!

I went back at 9m and used leave to work 3 days a week. Could you plan some leave, either a few days a week or a week off? It is tough to feel you are missing out and January is a tough time to go back in some ways, but it will be great for your DH to have that time and will be better for your career.

I thought DH would be dead against it but I mentioned today and he didn’t seem as bothered as I thought.

I went back at 9 or 10 months both times so that DH could have some shared parental leave. I wholeheartedly recommend it. He learnt for himself what being solely responsible for the baby meant, he learnt how some days it's impossible to get a single errand done, he learnt how to settle baby and not always know that someone would take over, he learnt the mental load of running a house. It was wonderful for me to settle in at work not having to dash to nursery pick up or think about and then make dinner, because he'd done it all. He really enjoyed spending 1:1 time with the children and feels he bonded better with them, especially breastfed youngest who was previously glued to me.

Though reading @HiCandles response I think DH learning all these things would have been invaluable for us, and I have definitely struggled to get him to understand these things, so quite a tricky one actually

I should add, I only went back 3 days both times though so I still had some time to socialise with mum friends and go to baby groups. I think if I didn't have that, I might've been less keen on SPL, or maybe just had DH do 1 month not 2 or 3.

I had thought about dropping to 3 days per week for a couple of months so this could be an option.

I took 8months with my first and 12
months with my second- I’d take as long as you can. I don’t care what anyone says about equality, you carried and gave birth it’s not easy
to go back and you don’t owe your husband time to learn anything, a good father is a good father and paternity leave won’t make a crap one better. If you don’t need the money, take the time- it’s priceless

I have a second job that I work on from home in the evenings/when DS is napping, the income isn’t reliable but it averages approx £1k per month which would help money-wise.

I went back at 9/10 months both times with DH taking shared parental leave.

As well as all of the points in the pp about DH getting more experience of having DC by themselves, it also let me get back into work mode without also worrying about DC starting nursery too. I got to focus on myself 9-5 knowing DH had it under control!

First DC we literally swapped as it was covid and there was not much to do. Second DC I took some accrued leave and we had 3 or so week's altogether and went on holiday.