How would you have reacted to this?

[getmeout12]

Background: DD1 is 6 (eldest). She has started to show some real sass and attitude, and I don't just mean a bit of attitude here and there but real self entitlement and actually quite rude. She will completely ignore people and then claim she was shy or didn't hear them. She is cheeky and for example when her granny told her off last week, she shut the door in her face and said something along the lines of "yes well we will see about that won't we?".

She seems so unbelievably thick skinned that even when she is being corrected for her actions I almost wonder whether she is taking it on. It's like nothing phases her.

She is privately educated.

So today I was showing a new cleaner around my home. Cleaner was telling me about her 17 yo daughter helping her out during the school holidays. I said to DD "did you hear that- this lady's daughter who is now a big girl and 17 helps her out with her cleaning. Will you do that for me when you're older?".

DD look at me dead in the eye and says "but I don't want to be a cleaner?"

I was embarrassed, so I said "yes but with whatever jobs I have really, anything with my work too like this lady's daughter helps her with her work".

DD looks at me and says "but I am going to be a doctor and that means I will practice medicine. You don't practice medicine, so I won't be able to help you".

I was flabbergasted. Cleaner didn't know where to look.

I sent her to her room for 1.5hours where she sat and read. I've then called her down to tidy up her room.

I'm cancelling two activities she was due to have on next week and allowing her cousins/siblings etc to go, but not my daughter. She almost doesn't seem phased.

How should I deal with this sort of behaviour?!

Arrogance isn’t attractive in kids, but you need to explain exactly why DD was offensive.

Would you have said that to a son?

I agree with others that you seem to have led her into a bizarre conversation and expected her to know the 'right' answer and been angry when she didn't.

also if you privately educate she will be internalising the message that it's important to have a high status job.

In answer to your question I would have said to her later: DD I hope you will always try to help me and any other family member if we need it, and we will always try to help you.

I don't think you want to set her up as a bad child, or someone who should be constantly punished. She's only 6. I'd try lots of chats about values and making people feel loved and appreciated and I would treat her the way you want her to treat you.

As pp have said it is not clear what you meant. The problem was you, not dd.

If you actually wanted DD to help you in your profession then that's quite a big deal and not something to bring up casually in front of someone else.

If you just meant you want her to help with housework then you should have been more clear and also just ask her to help, not bring it up in front of someone else in that strange passive aggressive way.

I don't think DD response was all that unreasonable tbh. A bit awkward but you started the discussion and she doesn't want to be a cleaner so what should she have said?

If you had torn a strip off her for the way she behaved to her grandmother I would have more sympathy but canceling two activities is overkill unless she has done something really awful (e.g. physical violence to people or property)

She sounds rude I agree but why did we need to know where she's educated 🤷‍♀️.

Huge overreaction.

And I have no idea why you asked such a question of your daughter anyway. It only made sense if you were a cleaner too.

She was rude to her grandmother. What did you do about that?

This sounds fucking bonkers from every angle.

This. You have a lot to learn about parenting OP! Poor girl.

You were employing a cleaner, and suggested your dgt helps you with cleaning. Then you punished her because she didn’t want to help.

She said she didn't want to be a cleaner, she wants to be a doctor.

As a 6 year old she's just stating the facts as she knows them.

Are you assuming she said no to being a cleaner because she regards it as low level/menial work and that's why you believe it to be rude? She didn't say that. That's your own interpretation.

I think the whole conversation and your reaction was really weird.

Your six year old said "practises medicine"... Yeah right.

I think she's 6 years old and was responding to your weird performance parenting in front of the cleaner with something that was totally factual to her. You got embarrassed in front of the cleaner and are now taking it out on your child. Simple as that.

I think you've massively over reacted.

I don't even think what she said (in this instance) was rude. It was just factual. She's 6! She hasn't learnt the nuance of grown-up conversation.

This is your middle class guilt eating you up. I think you should probably have a time out and miss out on a couple of things you like next week.

I think you’re taking this a bit too seriously
she doesn’t understand any of the adult context that you’re adding. I don’t think she was rude to the cleaner at all. If she said I don’t want to be a professor or I don’t want to be a scientist or any other prestigious job, would you have found it a problem then? If not, your issue is the adult context and prejudice you’re bringing. And if you would still be annoyed at her you’re expecting a 6 year old to understand nuance far beyond her capabilities m and punishing her too harshly for it.

she was rude to her grandma but I do think that’s normal to some degree, though not acceptable you’d be better trying to put time in teaching her about and rewarding kindness rather than punishing rudeness

A 6 year old used the phrase ‘practice medicine’….ok….

Yep there is something in the water at private school… arrogance, entitlement, rudeness and imperiousness. She’s picking it up young - you’ve got to give her that. The poor cleaner.

Unless the cleaner is as batshit as the OP, I'm sure she was perfectly fine with a six year old saying she wanted to be a doctor and not a cleaner. There's not many six year olds who aspire to being a cleaner!

Gosh she sounds very grown up wanting to be a Doctor rather than a cleaner at 6 years old. My son wanted to be a lamppost at 6.

I’m sorry OP but you asked such a stupid question, and actually came across inadvertently demeaning to the cleaner. No 6year old would have correctly engaged in that conversation. As for the sass and rudeness to anyone else, I’d just keep picking her up on it and see if she learns.

This post says it all, really…

This is very strange..

DS loves Lego and is always building increasingly complicated things, my gran said to him ooh are you going to be an engineer even you grow up? He said no I don't want to be an engineer I'm going to be a lifeboat rescue person.
I don't see what's wrong with that.
You are expecting a six year old to know social norms and try and act like cleaning is something she aspires to, when she doesn't. Children see things in black and white. She answered you factually from her point of view.

You walked right into that one you asked a question but would only be happy with one answer. Plus you patronised the lady imo

I sent her to her room for 1.5hours where she sat and read. I've then called her down to tidy up her room.
I'm cancelling two activities she was due to have on next week and allowing her cousins/siblings etc to go, but not my daughter. She almost doesn't seem phased.

She is 6. That is total over the top punishment.
What is your relationship with her like?

This sounds like a thread taking the piss of parents with privately educated children.
Your child is 6, your expectations are way too high. Surely you can see that?

Must be all that private education!