2.5 year old food and sleep breaking me

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Hi everyone - looking for advice/ tips/ reassurance. My toddler has never been a good eater and it has and still does drive me up the wall - I think about it all the time especially at the weekend because I genuinely don't know what to give her. I have tried DOR but this week she has been waking up at 12 hysterical and only thing that seems to help is milk and sleeping in our bed. Last night she wanted milk and brioche which she gobbled down. She was offered mac and cheese after nursery (they give her 3 meals So I always try and give her something before bed which she doesn't always eat) but she just held it and pulled faces. I now think the sleep is related to hunger but I can't force her to eat and I am trying not to make a big thing of it but the lack of sleep, the not knowing what to do is breaking me and my husband. I cried myself to sleep last night because of this situation. She has her wonderful moments but the food thing just seems to take over and make things so hard.
It is taking a toll for our relationship and I am beginning to resent my child. Why won't you just eat? I don't think I can carry on watching her not eat knowing she will wake up hungry later.
What do I do? Do I just give her her favourites after nursery eg pb toast? Or continue to offer her new things? DOR says to do that but then what if she's hungry and the no sleep cycle starts again?
I just am despairing. To add i
also have OCD and the tiredness is causing really horrible intrusive thoughts. Last night I just thought about running away and leaving it all behind. Sometimes I think I can’t do this.

How bad is her eating? What does she eat? How are her energy levels? Is she growing normally?

After nursery, before bed, just give her whatever she will eat (with something new on the side to keep her options open). Always give her something she can eat alongside anything new/challenging.

Do not let her eat in the middle of the night (unless she is dangerously underweight and you've been advised by a doctor to do this).

Her energy levels are fine - she zips around all day. She eats porridge, cereal, pancakes sometimes,toast with peanut butter, pasta with sauce and cheese, baby bels and she loves hoops. Would also eat biscuits til the cows come home if I allowed her. She does like rice pudding and yoghurt so I wonder if I should give her rice pudding as it is very filling.

she doesn’t eat much fruit - only dried. She eats better at nursery but some days she only has a bite of her lunch and dinner.

she Is slim but not underweight and goes to the loo normally.

thank you!

She's eating plenty of variety so don't worry from a health viewpoint, although I know it's hard.

What I would do is offer toast if she'll happily eat that, and very importantly any protein she likes. Cheese cubes, little bits of chicken, whatever. It's the protein that will keep her fuller for longer. Tiny amounts of something else for the sake of variety/trying new things. So literally just a teaspoon of something like macaroni and cheese or whatever on the side, and a tiny cucumber stick or whatever else. Never mention the extra things, just continue serving them. If she likes yoghurt let her have a little pot - that is also good for protein.

Fruit is really not good at all for keeping her full so don't worry if she won't eat that.

Sorry just noticed she does like rice pudding and yoghurt. Both of those are great. Obviously the less sweet the better so just be aware of that.

Honestly she eats way more variety than my 2 year old. I'd give her peanut butter on toast before bed. Peanut butter is full of everything the body needs and will fill her up. Completely understand the despair because my little one has such a narrow range of what he'll eat. I'm sure some toddlers can live on fresh air 😅

Does she like eggs? If so they are absolutely brilliant.

thank you everyone. She doesn’t eat eggs yet - I would love her to but she is not keen. One day…?!

@Devilsmommy how do you know get obsessed with it?! It rly does consume me and I just don’t think I have the nerve to get through it. our friends are here this wkend and want to go out for dinner with their toddler but I’m dreading it. Mine would not sit still and definitely would turn her nose up at what was served. Feel very trapped by it sometimes and today it has just got the better of me.

After nursery I would give her whatever she likes and is filling. I agree with the poster who said you can also put a small amount of something new on the side. PB on toast with yoghurt or rice pudding afterwards sounds great.

I have a 2.5y DD and she has certain foods she likes and there's no point me trying to make her eat something she doesn't like (eg salmon). After nursery I would give her what I know she will eat (but is still filling) so that she sleeps through the night. I would introduce new foods etc at weekends when we both are less tired and have more time.

@Dinosaurhearmeroar don't worry! There'll be plenty of time. That could be one thing you could offer on the side every day though. Just a very small amount - one bite. Offer it in the same way every day, so boiled or scrambled or whatever so she gets used to it.

Most important thing is no cajoling, no 'just try one little bit' or 'mmmmm look at this tasty eggggg' etc.

Give it time and don't worry too much. She's eating well.

Oh it stresses me out no end but I don't let him see that because it'll make him do it even more iyswim. If she turns up her nose at dinner somewhere else then just give something she will eat. It's not the end of the world and surely your friends would understand. Seriously can't wait for the time when my little one can actually tell me why he won't touch most foods😅

It sounds like it's more a problem for you than her. I'd have a think about why that is. Most two year olds are fussy eaters, but their parents aren't crying themselves to sleep over it. It'll be really good for you to discover why this upsets you so much and hopefully get a handle on the anxiety. You want to avoid her picking up on this anxiety/stress around her eating.

it definitely is my problem - I think it’s just I don’t see if fixing itself so I just sort of see black. I need to exercise a lot of patience and resolve and I don’t have a lot of that atm - I’m moving house and I’ve just started a new job so my resilience is quite low. I do have anxiety so I know I tend to just catastrophise and think “wel this is it for the rest of her life” and then go in a bit of a spiral as to how it is going to then affect our day to day life eg how will i take her on holiday if she doesn’t eat what’s there? Etc. just a bad day today. 😞

thank you everyone for your kind and reassuring words.

@Dinosaurhearmeroar , your dd is eating well, I know plenty of toddlers who only ate a handful of foods for years - ie plain pasta, chips and yoghurt only. She can try new stuff at nursery. Focus on sleep and all the changes in your life.

It definitely will get better, but even if it stays exactly as it is, so what? Would it really be awful to have a slim, but not underweight, full of energy 5 year old/10 year old/18 year old?

If the worst case scenario is she might be difficult to eat in a restaurant with, it's not really the end of the world is it? Plenty of restaurants serve pasta with sauce or just plain pasta if asked. You can stay in an air BnB and cook her plain pasta if necessary.

It's really hard when the anxiety sets in, but really the worst case scenario isn't that she never eats well, it's that you waste these years worrying about something that really isn't a massive problem.

Thank you everyone - really helpful and kind responses.