Does anyone else really not enjoy parenting?

[FestiveBakewell]

Does anyone else really just not enjoy parenting at all? No harsh comments please, I know people will judge and say why did you have more than one if you hate it well that’s because I absolutely loved the baby and toddler stage, unlike most people I genuinely loved and enjoyed that time so had no idea how much I would dislike it as they got older since that’s when everyone says it gets easier, but I don’t enjoy it at all. I loved it when they were younger they wanted to go out and do things now they never want to leave the house and I have to practically beg them to go anywhere and even when I do they don’t enjoy it and complain the whole time. Now I just hate being a parent. I find it extremely hard the constant mess, the constant cleaning, the mundane tasks, the cooking, all I do all day is look after kids and cook and clean, all the do is fight and argue, they don’t get on and rarely play together. I just find it dull and exhausting I can’t relate to other parents saying how much they love it and how it fulfils them I mean I really wish I could feel that way but I just don’t. I find it so much worse now they are older. Does anyone else relate to this or feel the same? Seems every other mum adores it don’t get me wrong I love my children and would do anything for them but just don’t enjoy being a parent.

Just me then 😞

How old are your children?

You aren't alone, can't be expected to love every moment

Are you working outside the home?

Sounds like you hate the drudgery.... everyone hates that part! I always thought parenting would be much more fun if I never had to clean, cook, do the laundry

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with enjoying different phases more than others. And you’re right, at some points it’s just so mundane and boring. Is there anything you could do to make life a bit more enjoyable? Do you have other parent friends? It helps to meet up with others and let the kids be feral for a while.

Try to mix things up a bit rather than the usual, school run, dinner, bath time, bed. You sound like you’ve got into a bit of a rut and could benefit from a spontaneous day out with them

We are go we went to the zoo on the weekend doesn't change anything I just can't wait till they are grown up. They at an age where they don't want to go out anymore but too young to be left alone they only came to the zoo as it was my birthday so had to pretty much force them

How old are they? Do you have a partner?

I don't cook and clean by myself, that would drive me bonkers! Sod that - even on maternity leave, I'd cook breakfast and lunch, but cleaning and dinner was for when DH finished and we split it. I'd be up the wall myself!

What kind of thing do they like doing? What sort of activities have you got with them at home? It's not all fun and games, but it shouldn't be drudgery either! There are plenty of times I've wanted to (and have) screamed into a pillow. You're not alone.

Christ alive, I HATED being a parent when my eldest was young. She was (undiagnosed) autistic and hard work. I couldn't WAIT until she started school, so I could get some reprieve. I hated that she was autistic/different - I desperately wanted her to be "normal". Honestly, it was hell on earth for me until she was about 7. I realized the issue wasn't her, it was me. I had to love and accept her, exactly as she was. Instead of trying to change her/wish she was something different. When i changed my viewpoint, things changed. She's nearly an adult now and the absolute light of my life. She is amazing in so many ways, but I haven't forgotten the hard times.

Why don’t they want to leave the house?? Screens? If yes I’d be cutting back their use- not a criticism of you @FestiveBakewell bit more a lesson to them how ridiculous to not go out into the world because it’s such a lot to miss out on and you are not being unreasonable in going out and about!! They won’t be able to stay at home all day as adults so I’d be taking a firm stance on that. Sounds like if you could solve that it would improve your day to day aswell.

I hated having a small baby. LOVE having a toddler. Am not looking forward to 5/6/7 yrs to be honest but hopefully I will be wrong and it will still be enjoyable. Teen years I am absolutely dreading but tell myself it’s a long way away and I’ve got time to prepare!!!!

good luck xxx

They are not young as explained I enjoyed the baby and toddler stage that was the best stage for me they are 7 10 and 12 I would say 10 and 12 is kind of normal age for not wanting to come out with parents anymore? I remember my own brother in the 90s not wanting to come out with my mum anymore from around 10 so can't blame screens for that. Everyone tells me their kids of these ages don't want to come out anymore. No I don't have a partner.

My oldest is 7 and still wants to go out, but I don't have first hand experience of that later age.

But when I was young, I wanted to go out and do different things with my dad (widower). We'd go to galleries, museums, exhibitions. Theatre shows, nice walk around parks or NT properties, go for coffee, some afternoon music gigs. Craft fairs, shopping in general me and my younger brother loved.

What do they like doing? Do they have chores? They should be helping out a bit at that age.

Yes the youngest does like to come out it's the oldest two that don't want to go anywhere. They help out but it doesn't change anything they can only help to an extent but they produce way more work.

What do they want to do instead? Screens? I'd take them away or severely limit them.

Can they have a rota of things they can do well? Putting laundry in the washing machine, dishes, clearing the table, folding clothes, hoovering up, dusting, etc.? We all pitched in and they need to be kids but also realise it's their home and being messy isn't fair. It's not your fault at all, but the sooner they learn the better. It'll set them in good stead for the future.

Parenting has become something much more than it was even just 30 years ago.

It used to just be having sex, getting pregnant giving birth, feeding clothing & housing a child, sending them to school and taking them to the doctor dentist / optician every year or 2.

you just have had bad luck with kids who are moaning, fight and don't want to go out. Do something about it? What are their interests or they don't have any either, just basically robots

I understand how you feel. I have 4 and honestly the happiest I've been is when they were 6,4,3 and newborn. They are 13,11,9 & 6 now and it all just feels like much harder work.

I think it's ok to put your foot down and say they have to go out every day for at least half an hour. Mine are slightly younger and this is working so far. One child is very difficult and the other is difficult but generally does as asked so I know how hard it can be.
Don't be afraid to turn the internet off either! Good luck.

Would it help if you made life at home very boring for a while?! Then they might be much keener to go out and do stuff. For what it’s worth, I hated the baby stage.

I do.

I will start off by saying how much I love my children. Of course I do...

But.... I HATE parenting and the cons most certainly outweighed the pros for me. In every single way.
I only really had them because society expected me to and I wasn'tstrong enough to say no to myself. I was young and silly and fresh out of college, in the throes of a whirlwind romance, did what I thought was 'normal'.
I did actually quite like the baby phase to be fair but I hated EVERYTHING from about 18 months onwards. By this time I was already pregnant with number 2 so no turning back.
I utterly detested the preschool stuff, all the dealing with toddler groups, the glitter artwork every other day, the mess and whining. All the stress just popping out to a shop ffs, I hated all the equipment, buggies, car seats. The crying and complaining. The touching everything and trying to wander off. When they got a bit older I hated the school run, parents' evening, sports day 🤮 (hours of sitting on a muddy field watching a bunch of strangers kids chasing hoops, NOT interested) nativities were extremely tedious and soul crushing. The Summer holidays were like the seventh circle of hell. I hated birthday parties and I couldn't stand when other parents invited them round for 'playdates' because it meant I was obliged to reciprocate and feed another kid and have them in the house for 4 hours and entertain them. Then the pathetic 'he's been good as gold, you'll have to come again' once Mum arrives to take them home 🙄
I hated the constant 'why' urgh. All the nonsense at Xmas, the Santa palava, the cheap tat, the mess. I used to get them into bed as soon as I could just to have my own space.
I feel like the last 15 or so years I have just been a SLAVE. It has been utterly miserable in every way. I am very poor. I also pee myself when I laugh. I probably would have fared better had someone stuck me through a woodchipper in 2010.
Had I murdered my ex partner rather than get pregnant by him I would be out on licence by now.

Now my kids are teens and it is a lot better because they do most things themselves but as we all know teens bring their own troubles. I am not out of the woods just yet.

No, I do not have any mental illness. I was never depressed as such, just hated my life circumstances. I did not have PND or anything else.
Not everything is a mental health condition. Some people just do not enjoy parenting. I am most certainly on of those people and I should never have had them to be brutally honest.

I eagerly await the day my kids fly the nest so I can scrape up the remnants of my life. Luckily I was quite young when I had them so I'm not too past it now.

Yes it is so much menial work and women are hoodwinked into it by society, sorry but it's true. Everyone else gains but women lose.
Get some extra help, prioritise yourself for self care. Get as much help and variety as you can and a job outside in the real world if you can to maintain your own independence and individuality.
Love to you. Been there xxxx

Yeah it's pretty boring now mine are young teens. Don't want all that much to do with us so I just feel like a cook/clean/nag.

@FedupMum2024 I'm surprised you haven't been ripped a new arsehole over your post.

We are not allowed to say things are difficult, that we feel a bit hoodwinked. I recall talking with someone very wise who I admire. They said the whole procreation thing is a bit of a conspiracy, like getting engaged and married. It's a giant conspiracy whereby alot know the truth yet we just go along with it and encourage others to do the same with the way we fawn over every pregnancy announcement, the baby showers, gender reveals etc. Then if anyone dare to say actually this isn't what I thought it would be, I'm not sure I like this - then god help you for falling out of line . Cue the re enforcers - you're a despicable human, well I adore my spawn, etc etc 🤷‍♀️😁.

@FedupMum2024 best post on here.👏

I certainly find it hard in some places, boring and drudgey in others. On balance, it’s worth it, because it’s also fulfilling. But I don’t think it’s the be all and end all of happiness.

I think it’s kind of possible for all to be true.

Parenting for me is in the vein of dickens ‘it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

And usually before breakfast.

Its the lack of sleep I find hardest.

The power of biology can't be underestimated. The drive to reproduce added with societal myths and on some level punishment for falling out of line means I'm surprised any woman actually say no, not for me.

I think how it could be for future generations should this pro life agenda and limited access to abortion (as is the case in parts of America) come here.