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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Court threats over childcare arrangements

10 replies

Star2924 · 21/10/2024 21:31

I’m just looking for some advice… a bit of background…

So last year whilst pregnant my now ex ended our relationship as he believed I was cheating (this was not the case) a week before our daughter was born he asked if I would give us another try, which I did. Fast forward to our daughter being 2 months old he ended it again as again he said I was cheating (not the case). Since ending it in March we would still go on family days out (with his other daughter too) we would spend the night at each others, basically it was like we were still together. He then became very distant said he was too busy to see our baby and would often cancel arrangements (I later found out he was in a relationship) to date he has never had our daughter on his own, the one time I did leave her with him to pop to the shop I came back to find him screaming at her because she was crying and he couldn’t cope, he would often leave when she cried and said I was poisoning her against him. He has struggled to bond with our daughter, I even had to beg him to take his paternity leave because he “wasn’t fussed”

Since being in his new relationship the hour here and there that he would spend with our daughter has completely stopped and he has not seen her since June, she is now 10 months old. I believe he has done this because I asked him not to introduce his new partner until he had formed a relationship with our daughter.

He then applied for mediation which we had recently, it was suggested contact happened gradually as our daughter does not know him. He was upset about this and said that he wants his partner to be involved straight away. This resulted in him saying “I’ll see her when she’s older” and then leaving the meeting early. I have tired to make arrangements with him since but he has not replied. During the meeting it came up that I had applied to CMS becuase he has refused to pay maintenance as he believes he spent “too much money” on me when we were together. Becuase I applied to the CMS he has now threatened court action and says he wants 50/50 and that he won’t help towards nursery fees when I return to work in a few weeks. I just wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation, what did you do? Did it go to court? Did the judge decided 50/50 was best, over night stays? Did you cancel the CMS application (he told me to do this during the meeting)

I’m just really worried, I have been our daughter’s sole carer since she was born, he has had little interest and hasn’t supported us, his family have even stopped seeing her because it upsets my ex. I’ve tried so hard to keep everyone involved and to make arrangements with my ex, but he constantly threatens with court.

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Balaclava1000 · 21/10/2024 21:35

Bumping for you.

Can you get Universal credit to help towards childcare?

Mercury2702 · 21/10/2024 21:37

Honestly I wouldn’t even worry although I know it’s easier said than done! Walking out of mediation and saying he’ll just see her when older if he can’t introduce to his new partner says it all. He sounds like a complete narcissist and not someone I’d be comfortable having my child anyway!

CandyLeBonBon · 21/10/2024 21:37

He's an abusive arsehole op. He was SCREAMING at your baby?

Court will not grant 50/50 custody when the baby is so small. He's trying to coerce you using threats and emotional blackmail. Keep a log of every single thing he does and says, then grey rock the fucker. Keep pushing for CMS.

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Scottishskifun · 21/10/2024 21:40

Let it go to court a judge acts in the interest of the child if he said cancel the maintenance claim and that's logged a judge will hand his arse to him! He may get some set up access but as he hasn't formed a bond or even tried this wouldn't be 50/50 and most likely through a centre to start with

Star2924 · 21/10/2024 21:41

@Balaclava1000 thank you. I phoned this week to discuss childcare fees, apparently I have to wait until January to apply as it’s done termly and she will be starting nursery in December. But yes I should be getting some support there.

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Star2924 · 21/10/2024 21:45

@Mercury2702 thanks for your reply. Yes I think you’re right. It is worrying and I panic so much about leaving her alone with him. He has anger issues and offered to support him in getting help (when we were together) I brought up his anger in mediation you can probably imagine this didn’t go down too well.

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Igmum · 21/10/2024 21:48

Don't stop the CMS claim.

Heaven knows the Family Court can be a nightmare but they won't grant 50/50 to a man who doesn't know his child. He's doing it to scare you, and, of course it's working because it is scary.

Keep a record of all of this. If he does take you to court I hope the mediator will report (IANAL so I don't know if this happens).

Frankly it sounds like you are well rid. He's an absolute knob.

Star2924 · 21/10/2024 21:50

@CandyLeBonBon yes sadly, telling her “there’s nothing wrong with you, stop crying” I obviously took her from him straight away but he got angry over the fact that I could calm her down and he couldn’t.

yes great idea, thank you.

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Star2924 · 21/10/2024 22:04

@Scottishskifun yes you’re right, I want my daughter to know her dad, but I just don’t think he is able to cope with her being so young. I’ve only seen him with his daughter who is a few years older and he’s a teacher so you’d think he would want to bond with his own baby.

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Star2924 · 21/10/2024 22:09

@Igmum Yes definitely, it’s a case of not seeing how abusive a relationship is until you’re out of it.

and thanks I will look into whether or not the mediator can report, just incase it goes to court.

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