How terrible is it for a 4yo to have a dummy?

[dummydummy]

DD is very sensory seeking - absolutely adores her dummy and sleeps really well with it. We're fully aware that we should have long since weaned her off it. We tried when she was 3 and had a rough few days where she cried for it and took ages to go to sleep but then she got ill and we let her have it back.

Fast forward to now- we spent about a month talking about and reading books about the dummy fairy and decided on a night to say goodbye. That was 2 weeks ago and every night since she's taken 1-1.5h to go to sleep and complained that she misses her dummy. She shares a room with her older sister so one of us has to stay in the room with her to shush her and put her back on bed otherwise she runs around making noise and disturbing her sister.

I'm getting so fed up that I'm wondering if a dummy is really that bad? Is it worth her losing 1.5h of sleep (and us losing our evening) every day? Has anyone has been in a similar situation? What did you do/ is there light at the end of the tunnel?!

Isn’t the thinking that prolonged use is bad for speech & communication development and also physically it alters the shape of the mouth?

If you google ‘pacifier mouth’ you’ll see the sort of shape it leaves the mouth/teeth.

Sorry to say it also says it’s reversible if the use of a dummy stops before 3yo, so you may already have missed that boat. Although hopefully not. Has she seen a dentist recently?

No judgement here at all op but

Mines 5 and has autism. She sucks on two finders (first and middle) and has done since she was a baby.

I completely regret not giving her a dummy. Her teeth noticeably show that she sucks on her fingers 🥺. She will probably need braces. And with the way the NHS is going, I'm expecting I may have to get them done privately.

I'd say it's best to stick with getting rid of the dummy and grin and bear the hard nights. Is half term next week for your children? Have you got some time off work or free time at home?

I know it's hard. Mine still takes 2 hours to sleep, even with the finger sucking, as, with her autism, she just struggles with sleep! As im at home with her, I've adapted to the poor sleep and can sort of cope 😅. Do what you can and don't feel bad of you have to give in. But do try to get rid, op

Best of luck xx

My ds struggled to give it up before nursery so I cut a tiny hole in all his dummies, he still used them for a little while after but then gradually stopped looking for them and I encouraged cuddling a teddy for bed instead

As she's older she's going to be more stubborn and won't forget it so easily, however, you can do it. It doesn't sound like you're giving it much of a go. You'll need to be consistent and keep at it. She may take a while to go to sleep at first bit it'll get better

Yeah we asked the dentist about it when we went a couple of months ago and she was pretty vague about whether it was reversible - hope so! DD does have a bit of a lisp which is very cute (IMO!) but possibly dummy related so another reason we should probably hold firm...

Yes, it’s supposed to be terrible for teeth. Although assume the damage may already have been done? Perhaps ask next time at dentist?
it’s also not great for their self confidence when they start school and they’re still infantilised. I appreciate how hard it is when they are upset but she will soon forget and move on. If you bring it back now then I think it undermines you and she will think she can kick up a fuss any time she’s not getting what she wants. Could you take her to buy a nice soft toy to have for comfort at bed time ? Or introduce a yoto or some other novelty?

A lisp isn’t going to be cute to her when she is a teenager or an adult.

Ahh sorry to hear you're having a tricky time with it too! Some children just seem to really love the comfort. My older daughter had a dummy too but sort of grew out of it and was happy to give it up. Sending you and your little one sleepy dust for this evening!

How much time does she actually spend with the dummy in her mouth? Just to go to sleep, then it falls out? Or does she have it in for ages, including during the day?

If it's just to fall asleep then it falls out, it's not a big deal, if she's sucking on it or holding it in her mouth for prolonged periods then it's going to impact on her oral and facial development.

Just keep pushing through. It would be insanity to go through the initial removal only to back track and give it back to her at 4 years of age.

We recently weaned DD off the dummy, it was easier than I expected. I think it helped that we reframed the dummy as “yucky” and “for babies” so when she was ready, she told us to put them in the bin. Not sure if you can try say something similar when she asks for it?

Ah OP, it's so hard but I'd try really hard to hold the line at four.

Mine had a dummy until about nine months and it was hard enough then but it really only took about a week. I appreciate it's going to take a longer period after four years of it! We wanted to cave in so many times but going back to square one over and over again felt crueller than keeping it away tbh. Mine also loved her bottle which was another battle but it only lasted a few days again.

I'm not sure about dummies (one of my children had one but only till about 6m) but I was a thumb sucker as a child, and continued to suck my thumb nightly well into adult life. I'm in my late 40s and at times of stress I will still sometimes suck my thumb if I'm alone.

None of the dental issues cited as a reason to discourage thumb/dummy-sucking have troubled me. I have perfectly straight teeth. But I'm sure some of that must be genetic.

In your situation I'd probably be tempted to just let her have the dummy. She will grow out of it. But do check with a dentist how her teeth are developing.

Thank you! As it's the last week of term, im too tired for the usual sleep routine so she's allowed to fall asleep in bed with me so I can watch corrie 🙈. Best of luck with the weaning, I know, every child is so different x

2 weeks is nothing in setting a new routine, don't back down you've done all the hard work, another two weeks and everything will be easier

As for oral sensory seeking chewlry might be a good move for her. Obviously not around her neck at bedtime but she could chomp on it and fall asleep.

My just turned 3 year old still has a dummy at bedtime but it falls out. We have not taken it away yet because he has asthma and is in and out of A&E with it. The dummy helps sooth him at night, and we'd do anything to soothe him when he's distressed.

When he's struggling and has a bad night the dummy might go in again a few times to help him get back to sleep, but mostly it just falls out within 5 minutes and stays out so we don't mind and are in no rush to take it away yet. We are also in the middle of potty training which is going well and there's no way I'm taking that source of comfort off him just yet until that is really solid.

I do think it depends how often it's in her mouth. 5 minutes a night is not an issue for us.

Both my children had dummies a lot longer than recommended, luckily no teeth issues.
We didn't go cold turkey for either of them, but made them strictly bedtime only and they had to leave them in their room. We also never replaced them after this point, by the time they were tatty / lost them, the need for them was easier to divert away with favourite blanket/teddy/story. I will say my 13 year old still has his favourite blanket 😁

I had a dummy until I was 5 and it has really messed up my teeth and jaw. To fix it I would really need jaw surgery, or 4 years of braces. Ive got an overbite and a gap when my teeth are closed and I hate it. You owe it to your daughter to get her off them asap. I can’t believe my parents let this happen to me.

My DC was 8 weeks premature and we were advised to use a dummy to help with their breathing.

I think we limited time from 3 onwards and made sure we took it away once they had fallen asleep.

3k in braces probably caused by dummy, not severe enough for NHS treatment.

One of mine had a dummy until 5 and a bit. We tried taking it away before but he became very distressed. Reduced use to only when sleeping and never when talking. He came home first week of year 1 and announced he didn't need it and that was that. Always used orthodontic dummies - he has no speech or Ortho problems and is 20 now. We did discover later in his life he's autistic though.

@MumOfOneAllAlone I did that until I was 12. My mum said I wouldn’t take a dummy. Some babies don’t. I did have to have braces though.

DD was a thumb sucker until 5/6 but a stern word from the dentist stopped her!

No judgement as you need to do what works but our dentist was very insistent we get rid of the dummy before 3 years old / 4 years max (ours have seen the dentist since they were both 1 years old) as it causes issues with teeth. The misalignment is fixable with time, effort and money but there was no way of knowing until it was too later what the time, effort or money would look like. It would be small or it could be massive.

We also had a child very dependent on a dummy to sleep (eldest) but decided that the short term pain (harder to get to sleep for a few weeks) was worth not having to fix anything later. I have wonky teeth (not sure what caused it though) - not enough to get NHS braces and my parents couldn't afford private. I was very keen for my children not to have the same issues with their teeth that I do.