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Parenting

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Why won’t my children go to sleep!

16 replies

Yummybumble · 21/10/2024 20:03

Ok so my son has always been a challenge to get to sleep and sometimes it’s worse than others. We are currently on an hour and a half while he pisses around. I have to sit in the darkened room with him or he just gets out of bed and it turns into an argument and he can be physical.

He is five and it used to be awful, he could be really physical and putting him back to bed repeatedly didn’t work, al it did was wind him up and make him angry. So we are in a better place than before but I am sooooo sick of sitting in a dark room for hours on end,

We have been very strict, he has a consistent bedtime, he watches minimal tv, he goes to bed on a fully tummy and eats well. He loves his Yoto player but he won’t let himself fall asleep if he listens to it so we’ve stopped allowing that at bedtime. He knows what is expected of him and he isn’t ND he just has, and always has had, the biggest FOMO ever. We have tried charts, rewards, taking things away over the years and nothing works. Absolutely nothing. He will go to sleep in his own good time.

I am so sick of it, husband works away sometimes so I’ve put all kids to bed. I’ve been sat in a dark room since 6pm, I am frustrated and angry and tired and have work to do as I didn’t manage to finish it before I had to collect kids from school.

There is no purpose to this post beyond venting and wishing it was easier sometimes. It’s so hard.

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 21/10/2024 20:04

I'm here. Struggling on too. You're not alone. Flowers

Chillisintheair · 21/10/2024 20:04

What time his he getting up? 6 pm is an early bedtime.

scandina · 21/10/2024 20:11

Try putting him to bed later. Try 7.30 and see how you go. Honestly some kids need less sleep than others. My DD has always needed about 9-10 hours max.

Think about it, I know you're probably tired now but if someone tried to make you go to bed when you were wide awake it would be awful and annoying.

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Yummybumble · 21/10/2024 20:11

Chillisintheair · 21/10/2024 20:04

What time his he getting up? 6 pm is an early bedtime.

My youngest is 6pm (she is two and can’t cope with any longer), he is a 630 start (pjs teeth story reading etc) and in bed for 7.

He will take an hour whether you put him to bed at 10 or at 7. His behaviour links to how tired he is as he is an active child, he really needs to be asleep between 730/8 hence the 630 start.

OP posts:
Yummybumble · 21/10/2024 20:13

scandina · 21/10/2024 20:11

Try putting him to bed later. Try 7.30 and see how you go. Honestly some kids need less sleep than others. My DD has always needed about 9-10 hours max.

Think about it, I know you're probably tired now but if someone tried to make you go to bed when you were wide awake it would be awful and annoying.

He is a need more sleep kind of chap - sorry I should have said in my first message. If he is asleep by 730/8 he is on top form for the following day. Later he is a challenge

OP posts:
amothersinstinct · 21/10/2024 20:15

I agree 6 is way too early - by the time you finish school say 330pm and get home 4pm, dinner say 430-500pm he's barely got any time to unwind before bedtime.

730pm for bed time - 15 mins max routine of story and then lights out leave him to it - don't sit up there with him.

My son is a nightmare to go to bed too. I used to sit there for 90mins while he messed about - now I say I'm going in x minutes then go. Tonight he has cried for around 3 minutes and has now stopped and gone to sleep

Singleandproud · 21/10/2024 20:16

Try a pregnancy pillow or a cheap duvet rolled like a sausage and stitched in place. He can curl it round him and nest himself, this can help massively.

I'm not saying he does have any additional needs but you really can't assume that he does not, most children aren't diagnosed until Secondary school.

Newsenmum · 21/10/2024 20:16

We now do lots of very active play together (rough housing type thing) just before bath, book and bed. I’ve read this is a good thing to do!

verycloakanddaggers · 21/10/2024 20:17

I don't think there's any point sitting with him if he doesn't fall asleep quickly as a result.

Have you considered letting him snuggle down in the lounge until he's ready to sleep? That way you could read or watch (gentle) TV, or just do jobs in another room.

Newsenmum · 21/10/2024 20:17

Also give up on the dark room. Play more! He needs to be all ‘played out’ and have positive time with you

Lemonademoney · 21/10/2024 20:18

Poor you! I would be frustrated too. My SIL had a tricky sleeper and she ended up buying a weighted blanket and it apparently helped massively

ZebraKat · 21/10/2024 20:51

I feel your pain, it’s incredibly frustrating. What worked for us in the end was re contextualising bedtime into something nice and enjoyable for DD and making sure she never felt it was a punishment (and that included suppressing all my frustration at her sleep time delaying tactics). Reading stories helps a lot. Even if you think they aren’t listening, reading helps. Especially stories about Father Christmas who only brings presents to people who are exceptionally good at going to sleep 😆

Pineapplewaves · 21/10/2024 20:54

My 5 year old starts getting ready at 7pm - puts pyjamas on himself, helps sort his dirty washing then we do teeth and bedtime story and he'll fall asleep between 8 pm and 8.30 pm (that's with me sitting in his room, easier now it's actually dark). As previous pp, I think you need to move bedtime a bit later. Unfortunately the older they get, the later they stay up.

Somehowgirl · 21/10/2024 21:11

Have you tried one of the sleep cards for the Yoto? They're designed to be like a sleep hypnosis thing. So it's not interesting and stimulating to stay awake to. They're really well made and absolutely knock my kid out in minutes. He might need help switching his brain off

Lammveg · 21/10/2024 21:17

I agree with PP, maybe once you put youngest down do some sensory stuff and have a later bed time.

You could try

Rolling them up in a blanket like a burrito
Rough/tumble
Carrying something heavy
In bed give him squeezes all over, start from shoulders and go down to feet

Some kids like to listen to you talk about the day in detail e.g 'this morning we got up and had breakfast blah blah blah' then I usually end with 'and tomorrow we will (brief summary about tomorrow), just to sort of say today has ended but we will be doing stuff tomorrow.

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