My daughter's father will not buy her anything for her at his home.

[Pearlypotts]

I don't know if I am being unreasonable here. My ex and I have a daughter together and he currently sees her every Saturday until Sunday morning. He pays child maintenance and because of this, he believes he does not have to buy her anything. She is now 11 months old and he hasn't purchased a single pack of nappies, bottle, sleeping bag, clothes... Anything at all since she was born.

When he comes to collect her, I have to pack a bag filled with her feeding equipment, bottles, toys, sleeping bag, clothes, nappies, wipes, nappy cream, medicine (he won't even buy Calpol), baby vitamins... Literally everything she may need to stay at his.

I buy him her body wash and body lotion and have bought him a bath support to use at his house in case he needs to bath her. The only thing he has purchased is a travel cot and some food while she stays.

It is beginning to stress me out and I have just found out that when he takes her walker to his, he uses that to feed her in as he hasn't bought her a highchair.

He is not short of money, in fact, the opposite, so that is no excuse and he left me when our baby was 3 weeks old, so this has been going on for a long time.

Am I unreasonable to expect him to buy those things when he takes her, or is this what should happen when a father pays child maintenance?

Thank you and sorry for the rant. I am just really struggling at the moment.

When he comes to collect her, I have to pack a bag

no, you don’t. Give him enough for the journey to his and tell him in advance this is what you will provide.

He’s a complete prick and your daughter is probably better off without him. He is supposed to provide everything she needs while she is with him. The maintenance is to provide for her needs when she is not, the other 80 odd percent of the time he is not parenting and you are. He’s an absolute bellend. Warn him in advance, send him a list of everything she needs then leave him to it,

OP, my ex had 50/50 care of his child and there was NEVER any question of his ex-partner providing things for his child at his own home.

His child was school age so there were things that went between houses like school bag, sports kit, books, etc., but he BOUGHT what his child needed.

Whatever his child arrived with, they also had clothes, toys, books, trainers, computer, coats, etc., at my ex's house. There was sometimes discussion along the lines of "I'll get a new school coat so it'd be good if you could get shoes" but only in a logistics sense.

Walking into his house, you'd KNOW that he had a child, whether they were there or not.

Send him a list of what he needs to buy including correct brand/size nappies etc and that he will need to provide for her during his contact time.

I think for one night it’s fair that you pack her clothes even just from an environmental perspective they grow so fast . I think though he should be providing his own nappies , milk and medicines , lotions and wash , also any practical items like plates and bottles that are going to be needed for a while .

If he’s an idiot though - he’s an idiot and it may not be worth the headspace for you fighting him

Just don't pack the bag. Or put in 1 nappy and her favourite toy or whatever
He will work it out soon enough

My ex was like this. What a cock

I had one like this. I gave them sufficient warning of when I'd stop doing it and a list of what they would need and stopped doing it.

My ex tried this, then he told me, through a solicitor, that if I wasn't willing to provide anything he couldn't afford to have our dds.

I told his solicitor that was a shame and to contact me when ex is more reliable financially then.

Funnily enough he managed to find the money from somewhere.

They only have as much power as you give them.

My dad had everything we needed when we'd stay with him Friday to Saturday. This was 40 years ago.
He paid for our drama and piano lessons.
One year he came home early from a two week holiday because he missed my DSis and me so much.
I've judged every man to that standard.
He really needs to sort out his priorities.

I also have a prick of an ex..

I would send him a list of what you will be providing (ie clothes) and what he has to source.

If that doesn't work then I would, as a one off just buy double of what you need for her (I am only talking about inexpensive items like the bath stuff, creams etc) and give him a bottle of each.

Send links to the rest of the stuff. She won't need a high chair for long and will hardly use it if she's there only 52 nights a year so I could overlook that one - or he could get one of those ones that attaches to a table.

He is being unreasonable though I agree

Pack a nappy, some wipes and one bottle 1 spare change of clothes and tell him he can either bring her back when he's used them or grow up and buy his daughter supplies at his house.

So he has her for 52 nights a year and pays maintenance (which is actually the bare minimum requirement)

He should have everything that the child requires for his home; from a cot to nappies / bottles / clothes / car seat etc

You don't have to pack a bag - you are choosing too - stop enabling his lack of parenting behaviours.
Just don't pack it - hell have to go buy the things she needs.

I'd send 1 nappy; 1 bottle; 1 set of clothes & for 1 more visit & tell him he has to provide for her - so he has 1 week notice and then stop sending the bag.

I used to send DDs clothes that fit but were stained etc, she didn't care as she was a baby and If I sent her with nice things he kept them, and text him her size as she grew so he could have her appropriate stuff.

Just text him that you will no longer be sending any resources for DD and that he will need to provide for her. Hell probably spit his dummy out the pram to start with but eventually will suck it up. DD is tiny she won't remember.

Just don’t.

This is the first time I have posted on here and I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who replied to my post. I was actually in tears reading all of the replies to it... You know when you have a feeling that something isn't right, but just aren't too sure? You have all just made me realise that my gut feeling was right and that I've just put up with far too much for far too long. Thank you times a million x