How long did it take you to build network of other mums?

[greenplasticwateringcan]

This might be a bit of a weird question, but I was wondering how long it took other people to build up a network of other mum friends after/before they had a baby?

I moved to a new area (same city) before I had my DD, who is now three months old. I still see my old friends of course, but they're mostly about a 40 minute drive away or more. I'd really like to meet some new people who live nearby but I'm finding it slow going at the moment!

My main thing is NCT, which is great, but is only every couple of weeks and I find myself really craving some company in between. I find the whole meeting new friends thing a bit stressful though, like being back at school! I'm quite shy but the kind of shy that I think (and I've been told) comes across to other as being confident and maybe a bit cold and distant. I'm never quite sure what to say!

Anyway, enough rambling, but I just wondered what other things did people do to meet other Mums!?

We were lucky to have a 'first year' group where I met some lovely other mums. I'd have been lost without it, tbh.
Are there any baby swimming sessions or JoJingles thingys in your area? Even if you don't really fancy the activity, it's worth it for the potential friend-making opportunities.

Hi I feel the same i moved here just after my dd was born 2 years ago and i still have'nt gotalot of friends there is the odd mum i say hello to in the passing but none i can say are real friends i am to shy to take my daughter to toddlergroup and we do have a 1st year group but this next one is the last till sept i feel if i go now i will be walkin in on mums who have already made friends and i will look silly I have PND as my ds has just been born 9 weeks ago . I know i am just being silly but i am really scared

Three months is still very little - most people are probably still knackered!!

I meet up with some mums from the NCT postnatal group but that only really started on a regular basis when the babies were about 6 months and everyone was starting to come out of the baby-fug. And by that stage you can start getting out more to toddlers, swimming etc, etc.

Still working on it now! dd is almost 2, just starting, through swimming group, going to groups, shops and other friends starting to have children to make friends with other mums, but it is slow for many people takes time.

The first year can be so lonely - just when you find a load of like-minded mums they start going back to work and half disappear!

I really struggled with this. Now I work part-time so there isn't so much time to fill and I have a gang of nice mums I see. I needed to meet people I'd be friends with anyway, not just people who happened to have a child a similar age.

It probably took me two years. I think it depends on luck, hos fussy you are about who you are friends with, where you live (e.g. if you live in a nappy valley area of London it's probably easier!)...or maybe I'm just an annoying person!!

You are not alone - it is HARD to build up a network of mums who you can be friends with. My ds is nearly 3 and I still feel like the new girl at school sometimes.

I have tried really hard: joined music groups, toddler groups, local NCT. I have met some nice people, but the ratio of effort to finding real friends is disappointintly low most of the time. I think you just have to be realistic, and remind yourself (a) you won't necessarily have much in common with people just because they have children the same age as yours, and (b) all you need is one or two good friends, and the rest can be acquaintances.

I have no network of mums. I made friends at Post natal class, with 3 mums particularly, but they were very cliquey and I was the only one who worked, part time. They met up many times per week.

waves to tigana - how goes it 'over there'?

I didn't really have this until dd started at playgroup when she was almost 3 - and it's only since she's been at school that I've got to know more parents.

When my DS was 3 months old, I was still seeing the mums from my antenatal class and pregnancy yoga - but we did gradually drift apart as people went back to work etc - and also because being in the same class doesn't really mean you'll be true friends, once the excitement of the births etc has worn off.

tbh my best mum friends now are neighbours who I've got talking to (usually their initiative - I'm too shy!). Other things you could try are a mother and baby group, baby cinema, or playgroup where you can take babies, and things like baby yoga and music classes. Look in libraries and shop windows for ads for those things, ask your HV, or search on the web.

It is hard though and it is very like school. I still get myself in knots about things like who is having a playdate and who has or hasn't been invited and if I'll put my foot in it - I hate that stuff. And we have a local toddler group that I avid because it's super-cliquey and you get shitty looks for tidying things up in the wrong order etc. - I can't be doing with it. But you do come across people you click with - you just have to get out and about so you meet plenty of people and give yourself more chances.

avoid... not avid!

Snowleopard, agree. Its a game of numbers. meet zillions of mums and you have half a chance of clicking with one.

I'd agree with that too. Dd is 7 now and it's only been in the last year or so that I have really clicked with a couple of mums. I see them quite lot now.

Hi everybody! Thanks for your responses, that's comforting, I feel better knowing that it doesn't happen overnight for most people!

Snowleopard - I know what you mean about tying yourself in knots. NCT is already feeling cliquey, the other day several of the girls were talking about something they had done at the weekend and I felt like a real saddo, not having been invited! Also, I'm not sure of the etiquette, but I tend to ask people a little bit about their 'other' life, ie not just about their babies although of course I'm interested in those too. I get the feeling that that's not quite the done thing. I hope they don't think I'm really nosy, it's just that I'm interested in them as people, not 'just' as mothers. Weird? Maybe.

Anyway, I will start searching for more activities straightaway and persevere!

Oh so true WaeringCan. I've often felt the conversation is very limited. I remember sitting in mother and baby group after Robin Cook had died thinking "why aren't we talking about Robin Cook? Hmmmmm? There's more going on in the world than blinking reusable-or-disposable and starting solids you know." But it would have gone down like a lead balloon if I'd said "So, Robin Cook then..."

But to begin with I think that is largely because that is literally all you do have in common in a group like that. You have to track down the people who share your interests - and to do that you do have to venture beyond nappies - but some people will look at you as if you've come from mars.

My DD was 4yrs when I moved back to Scotland from N.Yorks, I found it took ages to make new friends and I'm quite a chatty person (so DH's says anyway .

Four years on my friends have came from her swimming lessons, dancing lessons, school friends mums and neighbours in the street as we've got hoards of kids on our estate and we're all similar ages/types (we have a few nights out to the pub).

I really sympathise with you - I hated the feeling that everyone around me seemed to have a network of mum friends and I was really lonely. You do build up friendships slowly and to be honest it sometimes just takes time to find the ones you really click with.