Nursery menu aibu?

[Lavender14]

Ds is turning 2 soon and I'm looking for a new nursery for him. I saw one recently which seemed really good but I was a bit surprised at the menu which was, to be fair, generally healthy but included a dessert every day at lunchtime. Aibu in thinking that at this age ds doesn't need a sugary dessert at lunchtime every day? It's either cake and custard or ice cream and jelly every day. To me that just seems like a lot of sugar which he wouldn't normally get and he wouldn't be looking for. It put me off because I also don't want to put him in a position where all the other children are getting a dessert after their lunch and he isn't but I don't really want him eating that every day. I'd say I'm usually pretty balanced with his food - I try to make sure what he eats is nutritious and healthy but if he's at a party or someone offers him a treat it doesn't bother me- it just wouldn't be something he'd have on the regular. I also serve him a yoghurt with his dinner because he would stop eating his main meal in order to get the yoghurt faster. So I'm worried that if he knows dessert is coming when he finishes dinner he'll say he's all done to get the dessert.

They were the only nursery that can take him at the moment- what would others do here? He's been in nursery before but there was no dessert just healthy meals and fruit after. Is it totally unreasonable to be 'that parent' and ask that he doesn't get the dessert?

I always knew at some point he'd notice sweet things and start asking for them, but while he's so little I feel like why introduce it?

A few mums in DS’ reception class have mentioned this too and I can’t disagree more with this opinion that kids should have zero sugar. Role modelling a balanced diet means showing children that a little of everything is okay and a small balanced dessert (as most cakes and custards are) at the end of a main course is a good way of doing this. It’s also better for teeth that fruit / pudding come with a meal.

DS has never been given snacks (I don’t eat in this way so DS doesn’t either ) just 3 square meals a day. So for him having a bit of pudding with one of his meals is fine. He’s not overweight, his teeth are perfect (because we started brushed twice a day from when he was 3 months old), and by not denying him sugar or making it a treat he can have a few bites of cake and stop.

People always say how ‘lucky’ I am with him and I resent this because DSD was a sugar fiend when we first married, she moved in with us, and my not banning sugar actually turned it around. She stopped ‘making room’ for pudding, stopped having feelings about it either way, it just became something she fancied or not. At parties she became someome who’d reject things for being too sweet which meant she was tasting food too.

So I'm worried that if he knows dessert is coming when he finishes dinner he'll say he's all done to get the dessert.

the flip side of this is that he does that because he knows it’s “forbidden”. By doing that you’ve made it exciting.
if he can have it every day then it’s not exciting, and he’s learning healthy eating habits about eating what he wants until he’s full, and not eating it fast because you never know when you’ll be able to have it again because mum says no.

I wouldn’t have a problem with the nursery, and I wouldn’t be framing food as a “treat” either .

Have you talked to the nursery? Mine offers the no sugar option where they have fruit after meals. Most parents of kids in the younger rooms opt for this.

Have you actually tasted a school or nursery "sweet dessert"? They have to strictly monitor the sugar and it's isn't what you think it is.

So the issue isn't actually the actual sugar. In fact it's great to normalise all sorts of food rather than demarcate one sort as forbidden.

My issue with the pudding being offered was that it normalised the expectation that all meals must end with pudding - I wish they had offered the same "sweet" puddings on an ad hoc basis at various times in the week but not set up expectations that all meals are to be followed by pudding. It's not the constitution of the pudding (which was fine by us), or the existence of puddings (also fine by us) but the sequencing of puddings in the day that was not fine by us.

I totally agree with you OP. It's so completely unnecessary at that age. I can't imagine any of those children have cake and custard or jelly and ice cream after lunch at home every day so won't be expecting it.

Unfortunately, it does seem common practise at lots of nurseries and if that's the only one who can take him then you don't really have an option, unless you can look at a childminder or nanny. I don't think it's a deal-breaker.

Our nursery offers these sorts of puddings but as pp said they are made with very low sugar. It might be worth you asking about what they are made with. It wouldn't put me off an otherwise good nursery.

It's definitely not something that's forbidden in my house! I'm not completely over the top about it, if I'm having some chocolate ill give him a bit, he got cake when friends in nursery had birthdays etc or if we went for ice cream etc and as I said when I realised he was waiting for yoghurt (which isn't a 'treat' but it is naturally sweeter) I just served it with his meal so it would be more neutral rather than something he had to be finished his meal to get. I'm definitely of the opinion that kids need to learn that no food is "bad" but some are helpful to our bodies and we should eat more of those so we can grow well and be healthy. I just thought creating the expectation that there would be a sweet treat in the form of a dessert after lunch every day seemed unnecessary as I don't think thats how most people eat. Ds is a brilliant eater and has a big appetite. He's active and not overweight or anything but I feel like he can eat what he wants because what I give him is healthy and has good nutritional value... and he could easily eat a portion the size I would eat if I let him. So I do want to establish a healthy relationship with food in general.

I'll definitely chat with the nursery about the way it's made but as I say I don't want him not finishing his meal so he can get the dessert. I'd rather they served it together if anything.

@wishIwasonholiday10 how is fruit a no sugar option?

Most childcare settings offer cakes/desserts that are lower in sugar than normal, or made with vegetables.
Even the "ice cream" my dd has at school is frozen yoghurt

I guess it's the difference between naturally occurring sugars and more artificial sugars that pp is meaning?

I think it's unusual to be honest at their age. Similar nursery menus often have a fruit/cheese/greek yoghurt option as the second course rather than what you describe.

What’s the dessert though? Definitely at our nursery there was always a dessert option as it was just part of sitting communally and sharing a meal, but it was fruit, yoghurt or a small bit of low sugar cake.

Realistically, for many children who go to nursery, it’s their only hot meal of the day. They’ll have a little snack towards the end of the day and then lots of children just have a little picky tea or toast before bed. I think it’s keeping up that tradition of lunch being the main meal - and honestly, they aren’t exactly very sugary (or nice).

Unless you are feeding sugary cereals for breakfast and sugary puddings every night for dinner, I don’t think it’s something to get too worked up about. I remember when my eldest was in nursery, there was another family who was very picky about meals. After the nativity play, Father Christmas came and gave all the children presents and chocolates, and these poor kids got handed bananas. I felt so sorry for them that even at Christmas they couldn’t have a treat.

Really the most important thing you can do is model eating a good variety of healthy foods at home. My dc always had pudding at nursery. They eat healthy balanced diets, sitting around the table every night and don’t expect pudding with every meal because that’s not what we do in our home.

Cant you take him his own packed lunch with all healthy food?

When my kids were in nursery I always took them their own food, and they just had snacks in the day like toast and fruit etc.

I just meant no added sugar. I feel fruit has a bit more nutritional benefit over some of the other puddings. Jelly for example has pretty much no nutritional benefit whether it’s sugar free or not. I will probably relent on the puddings soon as she gets older and more aware but all the kids in the baby room and most in the pre-toddler room is is on now are having fruit rather than the other pudding option.

My DD is 27 months and still prefers fruit over cake although I don’t expect this to be the case for long! I made her a birthday cake decorated with strawberries and she only ate the strawberries and asked for more.

We are not totally sugar free at home . She has ice cream occasionally and we do baking.

The whole dessert thing of nurseries and schools, DC come home expecting one on an evening as well!

I never had dessert at home apart from weekend, normalising it as a daily necessity isn't needed.