Would you stay for the kids?

[EducateMe101]

Out of curiosity…Would you:

• go to counselling to talk through relationship issues if there has been verbal, emotional, psychological and somewhat physical abuse on both sides (but mainly one)
• try to save a relationship because you have 1 child together but have other children separate who do not like you two together
• would you believe a controlling man could change if he did seek counselling and anger management classes

would it be right to do this for your child or are you against?

No
No
No

Physical abuse is always wrong (I note you say it’s both ways) and so for both parties safety the relationship must end. The other factors don’t need considering as the violence trumps everything else.

Nope. Controlling behaviour won't change in the medium term. And anger management is a separate issue btw (can control without raising your voice..). It takes a LOT of self-reflection and brutal honesty with a therapist. It's hard emotional work and takes time and dedication.

No point in being the guinea pig to see if he'll put himself through that and if he does, if he keeps going until he's no longer controlling (or able to release his emotions healthily - and listen to yours - and not feel anger/rage).

Never

No no and no. It's often highly damaging for children for parents to stay together under these circumstances...so "for the sake of the children" you should separate, not try to stick it together.

No. If there is abuse, never stay.

You don't STAY for the kids in this scenario, you LEAVE for the kids.

Kids growing up in the scenario you described:

A) have an increased risk of mental health problems when they are older, including poor emotional regulation and depression.

B) feel unsafe and stressed

C) perform worse academically

D) are likely to learn negative behaviours e.g. violence

E) have worse relationships as adults because of the above.

It is a parent's responsibility to provide a safe, loving, healthy environment for the children. The situation you described is not it.

Even with professional help for DV, 90% of men reoffend. 90%.

Shitty odds. Even with the best will in the world.

No. As there's abuse involved, you must leave.

No absolutely not to all of those. I was that child in that situation and I remember so clearly being so relieved when my mum told me they were divorcing and we were moving out. It was like a weight lifting off me. Life after they split was completely different and so much better.

Never stay together for your kids, you will both be miserable and therefore make them miserable, two separate happy parents is better than together and resentful xx

Important to leave in this situation so h learns behaviour is unacceptable. Social services would say you are not protecting your DC by staying. If physical abuse happening h does not actually like you any more (despite what he may say).

Absolutely not.

Counsellors will not work with couples when there is abuse in the relationship anyway. Just leave.