Parenting advice

[ParentToAngelsAndOneOnTheWay]

I'm 9 months pregnant with my rainbow baby and I was wondering what do you all wish you knew before becoming mums

My mum told me - if you worry about issues concerning them all the time that’s their biggest problem, not the issue you’re worried about.

Every 3 weeks you get a new worry. And, there is nothing finer than the smell of your newborn.

Time will fly, it’s a cliche but it’s true.

My Nan was a very wise lady, some of the best advice she gave me was, “you let the little things go and then you fight like hell for the big things” I use this advice for parenting and general day to day life.

Definitely time will fly. Soak up every single moment. When you are exhausted and feel like you will never sleep again, just embrace it and cherish every moment.

Also reminding yourself everything is just another phase and things always change.

Enjoy it!

Congratulations :) I would say please don't worry about using apps or logging every sleep / feed / poo etc, I got so bogged down in that and obsessively tracking everything and it was such a waste of time and just made me more anxious when I was already anxious about my own rainbow baby!

Cuddles are so important. That is no such thing as too much cuddling. You cannot spoil a child with cuddles.

Independent sleep is useful, but not necessary for a baby/toddler. Don't beat yourself up about "bad habits" - I'm currently feeding DC4 to sleep, feeling merrily content that I can enjoy the snuggles and not worry, as I know she will grow out of it just like her big siblings. There's no need to rush.

Reading to your child is wonderful. Keep books all over the house. Start building up a collection. Really it's not much fun till they are about ayear old, but one day it just becomes the most wonderful thing.

When toddlers are really tough, try to remember it's hard for them and they don't want to be unhappy. Be kind to yourself - there will be says when they are tired and hungry or ill and they will make your day miserable. It won't last long.

Aww I can't wait to get to snuggle my baby and thank you for the reassuring words. People can be so judgemental toward parenting choices, so it's nice for you to be so open, honest and kind about bad habits. Have you got any good first book recommendations? Thank you once again for your kind response

Thank you, I suffer from anxiety really badly so am definitely going to take what you said into consideration, also congratulations on your rainbow

Thank you for your response I'll definitely be coming back to read it when things get tough with baby

Here's what worked for me and my 3 kids- not saying anyone else needs to do these things, or that my ideas are right...

Get a good comfortable carrier and use it from day one. Babies are little monkeys and they like to be carried around, and suck on their mums- they can do this in a carrier.

Breast feed everywhere and anywhere- and don't even consider being worried about it.

Get a super king sized mattress on the floor instead of having beds and sleep with the baby as long as you/they want. There is enough room and no one falls out of bed.

When they won't go to sleep, do sudden, very jerky deep knee bends holding baby closely on your chest, something like the motion of going up stairs in a jerky way. I have put so so so many babies to sleep doing this- it is magic.

Don't give your baby screens and don't use them yourself. Boredom is good for kids and for parents- that's when people read, or make things up, or play music.

Think about what it takes to give a human confidence in him or her self (no simple answer, but really important to consider how to help your child towards this).

For boys use a measuring cup to potty train- catch the wee and show him how much he made. If he is mathematically minded he can learn fractions at the same time.

Don't worry about things- every human was a baby once and was brought up and survived, more or less. You can't do a perfect job that is better than everyone else's, but, paradoxically, it is really great when each parent is in love with their own baby and thinks they are doing the best job ever!

Everything passes.

The feeding issues. screaming. Runny nappies. Constipation. Sleepless nights (although currently in living room with one year old 😂). The teething. Tantrums. Sickness. Colds. Etc. at the time it feels massive but then it stops and something else starts and you worry about that. Try not to get bogged down with anything and remind yourself "this too will pass".

Exciting times for you x

Congratulations! I'm mum to my now DD4.5 and DS2.

Routine will save your sanity. Build your routine as soon as possible with your child.

Tracking things is helpful just to get your routine established. Once you've sussed it out, delete the tracker.

Personally I can't function in mess so I would keep my house tidy enough not to provoke anxiety. Some nights however I am Beyond exhausted so the house is left messy those times and sleep takes priority. You do what works for you.

Fed baby is best. Doesn't really matter if its breast or formula.

Sleep training is a life saver and something you can implement very early.

Learn how to enter the bubble. When the child is screaming, the bubble helps me to ignore the screaming and focus on what needs to be done. The child will eventually calm down.

Your child can feel your calm and your stress. More agitated you are, the more he is likely to scream and tantrum. Be calm, and he will calm down too sooner than you think.

You are in control. Not the baby.

You got this. It's a wonderful journey x
Good luck

That the first few months you will feel a bit like a feeding machine and you spend 90% of your time feeding/changing/getting the baby to sleep

That I would be given so much unsolicited advice and that people see a woman with a baby as a free for all in terms of asking personal questions and having opinions.

That a lot of how your child turns out is largely due to their personality. You can parent two children exactly the same and have totally different responses/impact.

That if you have a challenging child everyone will blame you. And have all sorts of opinions on what you need to do.

Agree with so much of the above - and OP if the newborn bubble wears off and everything (especially sleep) feel impossible, pls come back here so we can remind you that it will all pass and support you. Agree re not tracking with apps. That's not to say you have to accept bad sleep or do nothing, I just mean the obsessing can be anxiety inducing.

Also - so excited for you to meet your baby it will be amazing

From the outside every other mum makes it look easy lol never judge yourself on what other mums are doing 9/10 they are probably struggling just as much as you.
The newborn phase goes sooo fast.
It does get easier… and then harder and easier… and so on lol.
Mix feeding is probably the best course of action, i fully bottle fed my older 4 and fully breastfed my last, the breastfeeding has been a lovely bonding experience and i will be sad when it stops, but i do wish my 9 month old would take a bottle sometimes lol.
Your baby will do things in their own time, i have 5 kids and they all reached their milestones at different times despite being parented the same way, just an example, my first started walking at 13months, second at 18 months, 3rd at just gone 2 (he is autistic) 4th 12months (3&4 are twins) and my 9 month old is just starting her first steps, it really is when the child is ready so don’t get bogged down by milestones and whether they are hitting them all on time xx