Fussy eater

[Helpfussyeater]

Please can people share their advice on how to support my 5 year old fussy eater who will not try anything new...

He likes plain pasta/spaghetti, plain rice, hot dogs, plain white fish, plain gammon/ham, cheese, plain bread and butter,- you see the theme here

He will eat bananas and apples, and tolerate broccoli and carrot but only a tiny bit and slot of encouragement/you can't have pudding unless you try it.

The only thing in a sauce that he will eat is macaroni cheese although he will be funny about that if it looks different to the one we make at home.

He is now starting to eat jacket potatoes/mash so we are getting somewhere. But he will not try anything in a sauce or chips related.

He doesn't like fish fingers or chicken nuggets and wants us to take off the breadcrumbs.

We've tried a no thank you bowl where if he tries something but doesn't like it he can put it in the no thank you bowl - everything went in the no thank you bowl after a lick.

His version of trying is licking stuff and deciding he doesn't like it before he has even really tried it. So when we say if you try it you can have reward he will just about lick it to get the reward.

Tried saying he can't have crisps/biscuits unless he likes new food..he licked a mild curry the other day and instantly burst into tears cos he had already decided he didn't like it so didn't get the reward so I don't think this works/is fair for trying new food?

We just want him to be able to have more variety of meals like pizza, tomato pasta/Bolognese, curry, etc. it's really limiting his choice of meals when at school or childminder as he can't just have bowls of plain pasta/rice every day!

Any other advice or guidance is welcome!

Well I will tell you what we did but I am not a dietician. Ds2 had severe reflux so if he gagged he was usually very easily sick and he had issues with textures. I am the same ie I cannot eat a set custard tart but as an adult I don't buy foods I don't like.

I decided not to make mealtimes a battleground, no cajoling, no discussions, no one more bite. I talked to Ds2 before we did this, told him what would be happening and then we then just did normal family conversation at the dinner table and no one was looking at Ds2.

I would give him new things to try for a lunch on a plate with other things I knew he would eat. No one wants a plate full of something they don't like. This meant he could try a tiny bite and it would be okay not to like something. For dinner I would literally put a teaspoon of chilli/bolognaise/pulled pork/chicken curry whatever we were all eating in a bowl and that was put in front of him. Once he ate that then I would replace that with his favourite meal of very plain food. This was to ensure he was at least trying new flavours and textures but his belly would be full and the taste part was over quick.

We only did a pudding of yoghurt or fruit during the week after dinner. I hate the fact that primary school lunches always have a pudding. At the weekend it was more decadent but the pudding was not dependent on how much he ate. But he usually filled up his belly anyway with the meals he liked.

He is now 18 and eats a very wide variety of foods, thai, Indian, Japanese, Spanish tapas etc. It can be a control thing too, there are few things children of that age can control and so food is one of them. You can serve what you like but he is in charge of what he puts in his mouth. If I had my time again I would serve their dinner immediately after school because they are usually starving and more likely to eat because they are hungry, then do a snack later on.

Thank you this is helpful..I agree I don't want to make mealtimes a battle. What conversation did you have with him before? Did you explain you expect him to try the food but itd okay if he doesn't like it?

He is only allowed fruit/yoghurt/cheese as an alternative to when he hasn't eaten the dinner at the childminders. She will do plain pasta or rice for him most days but we just want him to try a bit more.

I tried absolutely everything and the only thing that worked was him growing out if it.

I would look at why it matters to you that he eats more variety, because he clearly doesn't see it as an issue. I laughed at the fish finger thing as we have to peel them too! It is so common at that age for them to want safe plain food. If you think about it, we would not have evolved with access to flavours from all around the world and things flown in out of season. Our diets were probably often pretty samey for large parts of the year.

We went with giving them a meal of safe food and often put something on the side for them to eat or leave. Ds1 was extremely fussy at 5, but at 10 will now eat a mild curry or chilli. Like the previously poster, it just took ageing out of it.

Unfortunately you have already missed the time for making non fussy eater, please don’t take that the wrong way, but trying to get a 5 year old to try new things is almost impossible, the best time is when they are little n literally everything goes in the mouth- yes even my 9 month old had jalfezi for dinner the other night and yes she ate it lol i have a rule in my house and its- just have to try it and by that i mean atleast a bite even if its soo gross you have to run to the bin n spit lol also i like to remind my kids that taste buds change all the time so they have to retry things they don’t/didnt like every now n then too ( they all now like brussle sprouts and bell peppers they didn’t before lol) they have always like the usual veg/fruit (broccoli, carrots, peas, cabbage, bananas, apples grapes) so i like to throw them a new one every now n then and make it like an exciting thing- even mummy ‘tries’ it (even if i have before lol) x

Some people just don't like variety. My daughter is very much the same over the years, she has tried new foods and found things she likes but she tends to go off things at the same time so just replaces foods rather than increasing the variety but if the basic foods that he eats are relatively healthy, I'd just go with it. I tend to give sage food with something different in the side that she could try but no pressure.

Not all babies will put anything in their mouth and try new things. My daughter never did. So it isn't a case of missing the time to introduce variety.

My 3 year old ate anything in sight when weaning. Now he's quite restricted in his eating. That happens a lot with kids. So it's really nothing to do with how you wean them whatsoever.

With my child I just remind myself that he's clearly not the worst eater in the world, and neither is yours by the sound of what you've listed OP.

I've just accepted for now that he eats a rotation of soups, cheese toasties, spaghetti bolognese, fish fingers, pasta, peanut butter sandwiches, yoghurt, porridge, smoothies, cereal, bacon, and sausages. I get plenty of veg into him in his soups and bolognese, and he eats various fruits. That will have to do for now and I'm sure we'll build on it in time.

I didn’t say they knowingly try new things, most babies will pick stuff up and first thing they do is put it in their mouths, so they try the food without even really thinking about it.

Not all do

I didn’t say all do, i said most, why are you being so petty about my posts?

I am here to add to the voices saying that most grow out of it. My DM still shudders when we talk about my eating to the age of 12. Constant battle, I found textures made me feel sick etc etc. I wouldn’t eat lots of standard kids food. Age 12, went to a restaurant, my poor startled parents watched me polish off a full plate of French fine dining and from then on I eat more variety than most adults.

(Missing the boat, ha blooming ha ha…DS2 would eat anything at 3…by 7 he was fussy…there’s apparently a strong genetic component to fussiness).

Because your post implied it was the original posters fault for not encouraging their child earlier.

And here’s the paper showing the genetic link: https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2024/sep/food-fussiness-largely-genetic-trait-toddlerhood-adolescence#:~:text=Fussy%20eating%20is%20mainly%20influenced,and%20the%20University%20of%20Leeds.

Are you my DH? You could be describing our 5 year old. Honestly, I don't fight it at all. I get bored making him the same food all the time but so long as he eats, that's all fine with me even if it's just a bowl of plain rice. We have the odd moment of progress but we try to be totally chill about it. And yes, when he was weaned he ate absolutely anything and everything. It made not a blind bit of difference!

No it didn’t, hence why i said- don’t take that the wrong way, in my original post, it was more of a it’s easier when they are younger not that she did anything wrong, so you have a bee in your bonnet for no reason.

But you are still implying that it would have been easier if she had done something different when younger and assuming that the child would have tried things when younger. You don't know what the op did when younger or what the child did when younger so saying don't take this the wrong way doesn't change what you are saying.

@Avie29 my child ate everything until he was a about 2.5 and then turned into a fussy eater overnight. In fact his favourite meal was a tikka masala and I have a lovely video of him tucking into it, but he then just suddenly started refusing it. We tried to persevere but he just refused to ever try it again and meal times became a battle. Also I asked for advice on what I can do now so that is why pp are jumping on you. You listing all the food your kids eat now isn't advice.

@SprigatitoYouAndIKnow I guess because every day he is at childminders (3 times) the convo is always he wont try/eat dinner. He is getting worse as he has lately refused to eat the plain rice or pasta she cooks him. It is hard when eating out but we tend to find fish fingers (and peel them lol) or order him fish from the adults menu if they have plain cod but not many places do plain rice or pasta. Everything is chips or mash which in fairness he never liked from weaning.

@DelurkingAJ thanks for link that's helpful. I was a super fussy eater and honest have strong unpleasent memories being forced to eat textures I don't enjoy so I guess the genetic link is there too. I'm never going to force him id just think there is more food he will like if he actually tried it rather than decided in his head he doesn't like it before really tried it.... Like pizza he loves bread and loves cheese 🙈🙈

Thank you to everyone else for the reassurance they he will hopefully grow out if it and I'll continue to make his safe food on rotation and then offer our meal too.

We are doing cooking with him which ironically he loves helping us cook our dinners so hopefully over time the more he sees it, touches and smells it he might have to confidence to actually try it.

For those who have limited eaters, so you still allow a fair amount of treats e.g puddings or crisps. My son is a crisp demon and if id let him eat about 3 bags a day. We tried using crisps as a motivator but he has until now been allowed crisps as fairly standard with his lunch, usually ham or cheese sandwich, crisps, yogurt and some sort of fruit so I guess it hasn't been a true motive as he knows he will get crisps with lunch most days.

For those who have limited eaters, so you still allow a fair amount of treats e.g puddings or crisps. My son is a crisp demon and if id let him eat about 3 bags a day. We tried using crisps as a motivator but he has until now been allowed crisps as fairly standard with his lunch, usually ham or cheese sandwich, crisps, yogurt and some sort of fruit so I guess it hasn't been a true motive as he knows he will get crisps with lunch most days.

My son gets treat type things regularly but wouldn't get something like crisps with his lunch. Lunch would be soup and a sandwich/toast/toastie, and if still hungry afterwards he can have fruit, yoghurt, or humous and breadsticks or rice cakes. We don't have crisps in the house. He'd eat them at parties.

However, he does have cake or a biscuit if we're out at a cafe, which is often! At home, snacky food is things like humous, rice cakes, crackers, breadsticks, cheese, organix oat bars, yoghurt, fruit, dried fruit. Pudding is yoghurt, or sometimes a little custard pot. Chocolate isn't very often but we make hot chocolate at home (just hot milk with a sprinkle of cocoa powder on top- he loves it)

@Somehowgirl thank you that's really helpful and you've given me other snacks ideas to try. The biscuits we have are home at the baby fruit bakes so I'm not too worried about them but I do think we are too generous on crisps being standard part of his diet.

He doesn't like chocolate really so thats something!

@Helpfussyeater you have obviously taken my post the wrong way and got defensive, re-read my post all i have stated is that the best time is when they are young, i have in no way said YOU didn’t do it right, also if you re read my post maybe you can actually take the advice there… have you tried telling him/googling with him that taste buds change? And that means you can go back n try all the foods he had dismissed before? Find some foods that are completely different to the usual, my kids loved trying DRAGON fruit because is was more exciting than trying the usual stuff over n over, considering yes all my kids (5) all eat very well you might actually take some advice from me instead of getting defensive about it.

@Avie29 now who's being defensive. Kindly you asked why posters were jumping on you and I explained it's because in your pp you are talking about what your 9 month old eats (and my son would have eaten a curry at 9 months too happily) so being honest, I might be wrong but by the sounds of it you've not had a true fussy eater that won't even try new foods that causes you stress that you can't sleep because your worried about your child not eating enough. It sounds like your children will try new food with encouragement from you and have continued to eat fairly well past the age of 2.5 with a small amount of fuss. Mine doesn't at all, he becomes incredibly upset and inconsolable at even the thought of trying to lick something new/he used to like which is horrible to see. So can you not reflect that starting your post stating that it will be almost impossible to get a 5 year old to try new food, then proudly talking about your 9 month old and what they eat isn't exactly very supportive to someone asking for advice for a 5 year old...

But I have reread and taken on board your advice. I will try to Google with him and you've given me an idea to try and find a book that talks about tastebuds changing and trying new foods. Books have helped him with potty training, big boy bed, starting school and his little sibling arriving and it's something I haven't tried yet. Thank you.

I am also hoping when we wean his sibling that will help too 🤞

You’re welcome, btw i have 2 autistic children, i am fully aware of the struggles to get kids to try stuff, actually at one point all my ds would eat pretty much was crisps (sensory issues) so please don’t assume that i don’t know how hard it is.

Yes to the crisps for lunch especially with a sandwich. Ds would have a ham or chicken sandwich, probably on Warburton's thins, a little stick of cheddar, a packet of crisps and a yoghurt. He would eat it all. But I can't remember what age he was maybe 6 or 7.

I had the exact thing with Ds2 ate everything, then hardly anything. I showed him videos of him eating pasta with spinach in the sauce etc, made no difference and I wasn't going to make it an issue.

I wrote a list of everything he did eat to make sure he was hitting all the food groups to reassure myself. Peer influence did kick in a little bit too, he asked to try foods his friends were eating. I feel like once I set up that routine of food trying he knew what was happening and it no longer was a worry. I had a 3 week menu plan and wrote what we were eating so he knew what was coming not just daily but for the week ahead. We had swap outs so some meals we ate every 6 weeks.

If parents were honest lots of children have food preferences. Yes some, like Ds1 will eat pretty much anything you put in front of him. But having been a fussy eater myself as a child and forced to eat food I didn't want to it resulted in me being underweight and I realised I actually love lots of food I just didn't like the same food my parents did. I love Mediterranean food but my Mum never ate pasta.

The main thing is he is eating and it might be plain but later he might introduce more flavours in. Ds2 loves pasta but with just enough sauce to colour it, whereas I like extra sauce. Your Ds may also be picking up on you worrying and that makes him worry which makes trying foods harder. You are a great Mum, a shitty one wouldn't care so much.

OP, I have been there. Believe me, I have been there! My oldest was indifferent to food when weaning and it went downhill from around 9/10 months. We had about a year when he would only eat Ella’s Kitchen pouches and he has never tolerated anything in a sauce. I think people who haven’t been in this situation sometimes don’t realise how soul-destroying it can be and how much it can affect family life. You haven’t done anything wrong. And - this was the hard bit for me - it’s not up to you whether he decides to expand his repertoire. You can only put the right conditions in place for him to do so when he’s ready.

I decided early on that I was not going to make mealtimes a battle, as it’s a battle you can never “win”. This may or may not have been the right approach but dialling down the temperature certainly helped us with mealtimes. We are lucky as DC1 does eat from all the main food groups and we have gradually encouraged him to broaden his range slightly over time. He also has a multivitamin. He has always been a healthy height and to the lower to middle end of weight ventiles so is clearly getting what he needs.

Standard advice is always to have a “safe food” available if you’re trying to introduce new foods alongside, as this takes some of the anxiety away for some children. This works for us as he knows he won’t be hungry if he doesn’t like it. DC1 has got much better at trying new things with age, and zero pressure, even if not many of them pass the test.

For crisps, I would allow them under the same circumstances and limits as everyone else in the family (which, for us, is one pack/half a pack, depending on age, a day, usually with lunch at the weekend, perhaps after school during the week). For sweet treats, again, within the same parameters - I wouldn’t withhold pudding but I don’t think it’s unreasonable, if it’s a food he likes and usually eats, to say that if he has room for pudding, he has room for a little more of whatever he’s suddenly decided he’s too full for.