2yo will not feed himself meals. I’m still feeding him..

[AbbyDx]

Hi, I have a 2.2mth old. I firstly have to say that I have pretty much always fed him 80% of the time, and I know that now I have made things difficult for myself, I always fed him because I then know that he has had a full meal, we did do baby weaning but not to a full extent this is why he is fussy with touching his food now and using cutlery. He’s behind in his development in a few areas anyway, so this probably has something to do with it. He will eat food on a plate if it’s chicken/fish fingers, cucumber chips ect so like finger foods. But he won’t/can’t use a spoon to eat a cooked dinner or a curry ect. He will eat it all if I feed him and I have been trying to introduce the spoon putting the bowl infront of him letting him have a go but he just plays with it just moves the spoon around and hits at the bowl only gently but then just puts the spoon down and won’t even attempt it. He’s getting fussy with his foods at the moment anyway so makes it even more of a struggle. I end up feeding him the meal as it will just go stone cold if I don’t and it’s a waste of food and everyone’s time and he will be hungry. He doesn’t understand me taking it away and letting him ‘go hungry’ I don’t think that would work as he hasn’t got great communication so he doesn’t understand really what I am saying. I do give him and feed him because what else am I supposed to do? I am going to keep trying to let him feed himself but his coordination is just not great he has the spoon upside down and just gets in a right mess with it. As I said I know I’ve sort of done this myself as I didn’t let him experiment that much when he was a baby and I’ve kind of missed that stage now. Does anyone have any similar experiences that they can give me advice on? He’s in a nursery and the other children sit and eat and lately he hasn’t been joining in with them and I just want him to be able to do it with the other children. Feeding him right now just works for us and I know he’s eating he’s a solid healthy little boy and I don’t want to get him off track by him not eating his meals.

It's likely he doesn't have the wrist dexterity to correctly feed himself. If you Google there's a great x-ray that shows the development of bones in a young child's wrist. If he is delayed in other ways it may just be taking a while for his wrist infrastructure to develop too.

What you might find easier is to get him some training chop sticks they require a different skill to turning the wrist and he may find it easier

What is he behind in? It sound like it’s some thing he might not ready for yet. I would try giving him spoons which you have loaded.

My ds still likes to be fed sometimes.
He’s 5yo!

I should not have confessed that probably.

Anyway I would recommend: make a game out of it; let him show you how good he is at it.

eg pretend you can’t get the food in his mouth (keep missing, aim it at his nose or his ear or his chin) and ask him to show you how he does it properly.

or eg have a pot of marbles or pennies or buttons and an empty jar on the table with a line drawn on it. Every time he eats a spoon by himself, he gets a marble. Every time he gives up and you feed him, he loses a marble.

If he can keep the jar full past the line at the end of the week , he gets a treat.

Works for me.

Oh that’s really interesting I never knew that was even a thing! I will definitely look into that! Thanks x

Speech and understanding he can’t talk just makes noises was a real late walker. Yes maybe he’s not, I mean does he have to be at this age? He is still very young.

No nothing wrong with still feeding your little one now and again. And I don’t mind it most of the time if he would do both so sometimes I do if he’s feeling tired or something but then he can do it also, problem is that he can’t or just won’t do it it’s so frustrating it’s awful to say I know but it is draining daily trying to get him to do it.
what you’ve mentioned sounds like a good way to encourage him but because he doesn’t understand much he honestly would not have a clue. I am praising him when he does try and we clap hands together when he recognises the praise from me.

What cutlery are you giving him? Have you tried toddler sporks/doddle ones? He may find them easier to use. Do you all eat together so you model yourself and your partner eating? We eat together at the table and I put my DCs plates in front of them, then they have to try and eat it themselves whilst we all eat but if they are struggling once me or DH have finished then we will help feed them.

Here's the image, you can see all of the tiny wrist bones that just don't exist in a baby compared to a older child

Not walking becomes a concern at 18 months. By 2 he should understand 200 words, be using 50 and putting towards together like ‘more biscuits’.

Are you getting support for his delays?

I remember with my Dd She much preferred me feeding her. So I would give us a spoon each. She would mainly play with hers but I'd feed enough to make sure she was getting enough food. Eventually she took over and i used my spoon less.

Talk to his OT physio and Salt if you can get a joint session where they used him eating or not eating
Could be seating ..ot and physio
Fine motor ot physio
Gross motor trunk ot physio
Eating swallowing chewing salt
Etc

So ask for those specialists to see him at meal time and assess ideally together if you can get it arranged
And give you ideas to try

Meanwhile do not stress so long as he eating
He has many years to learn to feed himself
And may need support whether cutlery utensils special plates or seating

And work on using signs PECS aac from now . It s never too early to use additional means to communicate talk to SLT

I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done. I had one that was only spoonfed, wouldn’t touch finger foods until she over 1 and another that insisted on doing everything with his hands making an awful mess until he mastered cutlery but by 2 years old they were indistinguishable and both fed themselves normally. So don’t blame yourself.

Have you asked nursery for their opinion and what do you mean by ‘lately he hasn’t been joining in’? Has he been feeding himself there up until recently? What would happen if you gave him something really good, a pot of chocolate mousse or something, and a spoon but left him to it - would he figure it out?

Really doubt this is anything you have done wrong. Using cutlery is tricky and some child don’t like touching food.

PP idea of getting an occupational therapist’s help is really good.

I’d keep feeding him his main meal and then let him try with snacks/ pudding. Like with weaning you want to try when he is a bit hungry but not really hungry otherwise he might find it too frustrating and give up. Also lots of play activities with a spoon, playing with rice/ flour/ salt etc and spooning it into different containers can be really fun.

Personally if you don't mind feeding him, just carry on. At least he's getting fed and it means he'll be more settled to play/nap/sleep etc.
maybe you could feed him a bite every so often so he's having to wait for you to give him his next bite; he might want to pick up a spoon and take a bite himself? Or as someone else suggested, load up the spoon and offer it to him to feed himself
Generally I'd say, if it's working for you, carry on. He'll get there eventually, as long as you're giving him opportunities to try and feed himself and not getting stressed about it; he's only little and in some cultures children don't feed themselves till significantly older but grow up to be perfectly functional and capable adults!

I wouldn't worry too much yet, if he's feeding himself finger foods then that's a good start. Feeding with a spoon is quite tricky.
Would he eat pasta etc with his hands? If he will just go with that, don't worry too much about mess.
Dipping is also good practice for using a spoon, so bread strips or sandwiches with a thick soup to dip in or veg and hummus or fruit strips and yoghurt.
Continue feeding him and giving finger foods at each meal, and also have a second spoon for him to play with / use at each meal too. If he wants to hold the spoon you're using let him

just toddler cutlery like ours but smaller and not sharp. And plastic spoons. Small thin ones so nothing big that he can’t manage, I think a lot of it is just not knowing what to do because he does like the food he’s fussy but I always try and give him something he likes he will eat it all if fed, either that or just laziness haha!
we don’t have a table big enough for us all to sit around and in between my partner working and us having our dinner later than my kids it is hard for us all to eat together but I do try and let him see us eat and drink ect so he can copy!

He may need chunky handled spoons and forks.
Get him an OT assessment
Seek advice

I haven't read the full thread but just by the title I'm thinking what's wrong with that? There really is no rush. Just like they don't need to be guzzling from a sippy cup at 6 months old!

I agree with the above advice, but also when you’re feeding him, you can use your hand over his so that you are doing the motion, but his hand is doing the same thing and learning to go from plate to mouth. Eventually he will be able to do it himself. Don’t expect it to make a difference quickly though, it will take time for him to get the idea.

My 3yo has no words or understanding. Refuses to use cutlery and eats with hands.

We made progress with dipping, eg dipping pitta in hummus etc. she now will dip a spoon in yogurt, she has the spoon upside down though.

They learn how to feed themselves by playing with cutlery and making a mess. You just need to put up with it!
Let him have a spoon while you feed him - encourage taking turns.
Let him experiment with things like thick yoghurt or porridge which are easier to scoop.
Don't worry about food going cold - they don't mind at that age.
He just needs practice - make it fun!

Agree with above, just let him make a mess, let it go cold, the only way they learn is practice, its a pain in the bum to clean up after every meal but it works, my little girl can use a spoon for yogurt etc, she flicks it around, gets it all over her face, drops food into her lap but she can dip a spoon into food and get it to her mouth relatively well because i just leave her to it and let her have fun with it xx

Thank you for all your responses. They’re all helpful. I am getting support for his delays he’s under a paediatrician ect. I’m also stuck in between the ‘let him go hungry and he will learn and eat it’ or also ‘he’s too young to use that form of ‘punishment’ but then if I give in and feed him then he’s kind of getting what he wants and we’re not really getting anywhere?

Don't get into that
He is two with delays
Get him fed
Work with therapists
Which therapist is saying let him go hungry?