What DO you say to a strangers child who isnt nice to yours? Because I dont think I handled it very well.

[Pinkveto]

First time this has happened to me, my LO is only 15 months, walking well, had gone about 30 yards from me in the park to watch some primary school children running around. She sat down for a rest, I went over and a little boy, about 3 came over to her and very deliberately trod on her ankle.

So I did my best evil witch impression, and hissed "Dont tread on my child little boy" with full narrowed eyes and glare. (Overprotective mother of PFB).

To which his mother stood nearby said "oh I dont think he would do that".

To which I said, "well he did". And much to my delight a millisecond after I had said it, so did one of the little girls. (always nice to be backed up even by a 6 year old). And I sheparded off my tot in a cheerful manner.

Now, I suspect what i should do is criticise the behaviour not the child? So said, "treading on other children isnt nice little boy". (?) But what do you say to the mother who claims that little boy wouldn't do what you have just seen him do?

I think it sounds like you handled it fairly well. Lots of mums think their kids would never do that (at all levels and ages BTW). Don't worry too much about it. I agree that you should maybe think about criticising the behaviour in future. But not worth worrying too much about the mum imo. That's not really your problem. You are trying to show your little one what is acceptable behaviour by dealing with situations where someone is not behaving apprpriately. If the mum chooses to believe the sun shines out of her little horror's bum, then that is her problem.

You have to be rather clever and underhand;

"oh dear, I dont think your Mummy would be very happy if she saw you doing that"

That way you are not being overly-mean to the little sod (but you are really) and you are putting the little sod's mother on the line to agree with you!

I think what you did was perfect!

I would've said what you said. Somthing similar happened to my ds when were in a waiting room. There was a play area in a corner of the room where ds and another lad about his age were playing. I was watching ds, other lads mother was sat further awy.

Ds had a toy and kept holding it up and then pulling his arm back. His hand was hidden behind a dolls house. I went closer to see what was happening and each tine ds raised his hand to play with the toy, the other boy bit him!

I asked ds in a loud voice "did that boy bite you?" (ds now crying and clutching toy which other boy is franticlly trying to grab.) I looked at the boy and said biting wasn't nice and he shouldn't do that. Mother then pipes up "he doesn't bite". I turned round and showed her ds's arm and said "yes he does" and took ds away from the toys.

Makes me so mad when she couldn't SEE what her ds was doing and still claimed he didn't do it.

Ah, the underhand manipulation sounds good, but I doubt without rehearsal Id manage to come up with that!

I think you did exactly the right thing. FWIW, I would probably have said something unhelpful along the lines of 'I do hope you aren't calling me a liar' if the other mother claimed her child would never do that. This does tend to make the other mother a bit huffy but it also tends to have the effect of making them and their child go away, if said with sufficient venom.

I find this a difficult thing to do too. (think you handled it fine though) I go to a toddler group and never really know how to handle the older kids who hurt my DD or snatch toys. Invariably their parents aren't watching them and so aren't there to disipline them.

I can't bring myself to say anything for fear of being seen as over protective or chastised myself but PP's post has made me realise that I should be demonstrating to DD that that sort of behaviour doesn't go unnoticed.

I like you're approach. Can you hire 6 year olds?

your not you're. dim wit (me)

I think it is all about the tone of voice
if it is an emergency situation i.e. you want a child to STOP NOW then you are justified in speaking sharply to another child.
but in the vast majority of situations it is best to speak in a very cheerful and jolly tone, quite loudly but no shouting, and say soemthing like:

"oh dear! that wasn't such a good idea was it! would you mind not doing that old chap as it seems to be upsetting my baby!"

I am Lolling at 'don't tread on my child little boy'

I tend to say pretty much the same as i'd say to my own child, and this includes physically hauling children off my child if they don't respond to verbal warnings.

Dd is 3 and ds is 21 months and no mother has ever gotton upset with me and all the children tend to know better than to mess with my kids in future.

You did the right thing, imo the only thing worse than the moms who refuse to aknowledge their darling child could hurt another are the moms who watch their own kids be battered and don't step in... makes my blood boil, i mean if mommy won't protect you, who will?

Given that the child's mother was standing nearby I am surprised that you chose to speak to the child rather than draw the mother's attention tot he incident. Granted she sounds like she would not have been much use, but you didn't know this when you chose to react immediately to the boy.

What I would have done would be to turn to the nearby mother and point out what the child had done and let her discipline her own child, this is absolutely what I would expect someone else to do if my son had hit another child while I was not looking, I would of course apologise, and make my child apologise and discipline appropriately, but that would be my job, not yours/the other mothers.

I have to say, I wouldn't be too judgmental about a 3 year old that treads on a toe, your DC is only 15 months, the time will come when she inflicts something on another child so it might be worth thinking about how you would expect another parent to respond to that and behave accordingly. Would you not prefer another parent to approach you rather than take the matter into their own hands? Maybe not, we all differ.

This isn't posted as one of the mothers that thinks her child can do no wrong, and in fact others say they see me as rather strict, but I do feel that the parent should be given the opportunity to discipline the child before you take your own action. If the parent does nothing then I guess maybe things are different, but in this case you appear to have told the child off yourself before even attempting to bring the incident to the mothers attention (perhaps I have misunderstood).

Just my thoughts anyway, don't think what you did is the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination, but saying what I would have done and what I would expect from others had my child been involved.

I don't expect it to be a popular approach given the other responses on this thread but ho hum.

Well sometimes a quick and immediate approach to the offending child, depending on age of course, is more effective than involving the parent. If a nearby parent isn't actually stepping up to the bar to discipline her own child in the first place, then imo it's sometimes not worth the trouble really.
eg 2.5 yo ds3 patiently waiting his turn at the slide steps, then going carefully up, barged out of the way twice by an impatient 5 or 6 yo. The third time this happened (mother watching ) firmly but calmly told him: "Please don't push in like that. It's not fair and it's too rough".

job done. There's never any guarantee the other parent will back you up

I find "Oh what a horrible thing to do" in a shocked voice tends to do it.

Or "That's not very nice is it?" if a minor offence.

Because it doesn't specify what happened, the other mother is forced to ask what went on. Putting her on the back foot if she tries to dispute it.

I disagree Oggy. I think a polite and firm "Don't do that, it's not nice" is perfectly acceptable. A toddler has such a short attention span that by the time you've identified, located and told the parent what their little darling has done and they've responded (assuming they do) then the moment has passed.

And in my experience many small children are so shocked at being 'told off' by someone other than their parent they don't do it again!

I think what you did is fine.

Mrs Panic and Slidge, I partially agree with you, you both seem to be talking about situations where the mother is not obviously around. I agree that in this situation there is no option but to tell the child no and explain why. However the impression given by OP is that the mother was right there so there would have been no delay more than about 30 seconds to tell the parent first. I don't think this makes such a difference , if my 2 year old hits my 8 month old I check she is OK before I deal with him and he always knows what he is being told off for and why.

I don't see any harm in saying "no" to someone else's child as a quick immediate reaction when the parent is there and then leaving the parent to do the rest but some things that a mother might say to my child in that situation I would find entirely inappropriate. As an example I see mothers saying "don't be a nasty boy" I would be very angry if another mother said something like that to my son as I believe the correct approach is to say the action was bad but not make negative remarks about the child's personality.

Maybe I am a bit over-sensitive about the whole issue as I am clearly in the minority

Message withdrawn