I shouted at toddler and I despise myself

[Spicytunasarnie]

I'm normally a very calm person. DS (3) has been hitting and throwing things lately. He has just thrown his shoe at my face and laughed. It hit my glasses which really hurt my nose. I literally lost it and shouted at him really bad. I feel awful. He apologised and so did i. We cuddled and kissed but i feel horrible. My little boy is amazing. I'm watching him sleeping crying. I really hate myself.

I think most of us have done this op.

3 years old is completely within the range of understanding actions and consequences. It’s not nice or appropriate for a child of that age to throw things at anyone, let alone their mother’s face and laugh.
Sometimes children need consequences and this is a prime example.

I've done similar, for exactly the same reason - an unexpected whack in the face on my glasses that really hurt and surprised me. You're allowed to have a human reaction to that! You did all the right things afterwards. You've shown him that anger is not some scary big emotion that mustn't be provoked, but something in the moment that can be dealt with.

We've all been there. Don't beat yourself up x

Don't hate yourself, your child did something naughty and got told off. Hopefully he will learn not to throw shoes at people again.

Goodness op this is really nothing at all. I am definitely a shoutier parent than I want to be but the positive is I have very very firm boundaries. This is very very very important during childhood. Read some of the threads on here about teen boys and young men who are out of control and realise that parenting is not about being nice all the time. Move on!

The guilt is a very hefty feeling isn't it?

Your child still loves you. And knows you love him.

Put it down to a one off and try to let it go.

In the grand scheme of things, this will be an insignificant moment.

He's gna be ok and so are you.

Forgive yourself xx

All very normal- two toddlers here and have completely lost it at them before and of course felt terrible. It only means that you love them. Everyone has their limits and when you're tired and fed up especially at bedtime even someone with patience of a Saint will snap

Been there too. Be kind to yourself. You sound like a lovely mum. I remember being kicked in the face during a toothbrushing session AND being hit in the face with a nerf gun bullet AND punched in the spine by accident when separating a fight. They can test your patience.

I think that’s a completely normal response to being hit in the face with a shoe and laughed at. I am normally a calm person and it takes a lot for me to get angry and shout but that would have done it for me too.

I think shouting at him for that was an entirely appropriate response, followed by a time out or other age appropriate punishment.

Mum who has shouted here too 👋

Won’t repeat the brilliant advice from PP, all of which is good.

To add my own: I have a magic phrase which always seems to restore connection when my DS and I have had a barney. I get down on the floor next to him and say ‘can I play with you?’

I learned it from someone on Mumsnet (thank you!) and honestly it works wonders. You’ll be ok in no time.

Seriously though, he needs to see this modelled well. People in life will lose their temper with him, and he needs to know that it’s temporary and how to repair it. He also needs to see what to do when he loses his rag.

Don’t sweat it OP, you are doing great

My children are in their 30s and don't hate me for shouting at them when they were little. There will be many more times you raise your voice before he is 18.

It's fine.
You might just need some time away on your own

Toddlers are exhausting

To be honest that feels the correct reaction of he has deliberately thrown a shoe in your face.

You were angry and upset because he hurt you. If you hid a reaction from him how's he supposed to understand that when he throws his shoes at people that's not nice behaviour and people will get hurt?

I'm not a parenting expert and I understand you feel shit about it (I would too even though I still feel it was the right reaction) but I think you did the right thing