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Anyone else really not enjoying Mat leave ?

12 replies

Mum7644885 · 16/10/2024 14:15

Please no judgement as I’m fed up enough.

I have a 5 mo and 3 yr old. I’m just counting down the days till I can go back to work, purely just to be away from the house and baby duties. Does anyone else feel this way ? I feel like I see other mums and they look like they love it and it baffles me.

5 mo is a bad night sleeper, no shock there. She barely naps in the day, every nap is a battle and she sleeps for a bout 30 mins. She just went down not too bad and woke after 15 min, could honestly cry. She’s always moody when awake and has become super wingey because she’s always tired. The only time she has a decent nap is for other people … what is that about ?

I’ve done this all before, I was obsessive with my first with wake windows etc, I know all the info on baby sleep, just doesn’t work and I can’t be as strict this time because I have to work round my 3 yr old, nursery etc.

My baby is wild !! She does not stop moving, she won’t be held, she won’t really be cuddled, I’ve never managed to rock her to sleep, she just try’s to pull away.

its hard ‘entertaining her’ all day and she barely naps, so I’m just fighting through each day praying for some down time when she sleeps but it doesn’t come. The whinging and crying is killing me, I’m a rubbish mum because of it, my patience is rock bottom.

I hate being home, I’m bored and now having to watch my spending as down to stat and savings and I HATE it. I go for walks, boring, I don’t have any mum friends with similar age babies, all older, don’t have much help, mum has started pulling away and isn’t over as much any more.

I keep trying to figure out how I go back to work early but feel so guilty about putting her in nursery so young. My plan so far is starting off a day a week for a couple of months and then 3 days from March.

I don’t even know why am I writing this, I’m just tired, fed up, no one to talk to and quite honestly, no one really cares when it’s your second, there is an expectation to just get on with it and it’s very isolating

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SarahLHs · 16/10/2024 14:22

You're not alone. I dreaded going back to work after my first mat leave but was counting down the days until I could go back second time around. Looking after 2 kids day in day out is hard!

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 16/10/2024 14:34

I am definitely finding iy more boring second time round. I think last time I marvelled at everything whereas this time I am used to being busy and doing activities with my older child etc so now it all just feels a bit monotonous

Mum7644885 · 16/10/2024 14:44

@SarahLHs @NoItsStillNighttimeDarling when did you return to work ?

My first didn’t start nursery until 10 months but honestly I feel like sending number 2 in at 7 months for 3 days but is that really bad ? I don’t know many people who’s babies started so early

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muddlingthrou · 16/10/2024 15:50

I put my DD in nursery 3 days a week and went back to work part time when she was 6 months old - no regrets here. So much so that I'm planning to do the same with my second (who should be born any day now!). I appreciated the two days off with my DD so much. She also seemed to enjoy the socialisation and stimulation of being in childcare. Do what feels right for you.

SarahLHs · 16/10/2024 16:31

Mum7644885 · 16/10/2024 14:44

@SarahLHs @NoItsStillNighttimeDarling when did you return to work ?

My first didn’t start nursery until 10 months but honestly I feel like sending number 2 in at 7 months for 3 days but is that really bad ? I don’t know many people who’s babies started so early

I've been back for nearly a year now. I took the full year off just because I felt bad going back earlier than I had with DD1. I'm glad I did now but wow was that a long year! But do whatever you feel is right for you.

MotherofAllMatriarchs · 16/10/2024 16:48

My kids are the exact same ages as yours.

I find 4 and 5 month year olds really (really!) hard. Babies generally I enjoy and I like mat leave but these months are very challenging for lots of people. If you scroll baby questions on here like I have, you’ll see that a disproportionate amount of posters have 4 or 5 month year olds. It’s the hardest age in my experience.

Which is to say it will get better. Hang in there!

Makingchocolatecake · 16/10/2024 22:01

I hated months 8-12 with my first and definitely wouldn't have a year off again. But she goes to family now when I'm at work, and I happily went out and left her with dad at 10 days old so I've never been clingy!

AgainandagainandagainSS · 16/10/2024 22:03

Cried tears of sweet relief as I dusted off my work clothes and packed my bag on last day of ML.
Zero judgement from me OP. Don’t worry, you’ll be back at work soon and you will feel much better.

Mum7644885 · 17/10/2024 08:44

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the comments, seems I’m not the only one who finds it a challenge

I’m just going to have to stick it out for a few more months. It’s sad that I cant wait to be back to work because I consider that a ‘break’ it’s just a second job isn’t it, being a mum being the first one which is 24/7, 7 days a week

My bloody hormones don’t help either, my periods are brutal post baby number 2 and my moods are so up and down, it’s fantastic being a woman haha

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Rigatone · 17/10/2024 08:49

I asked a newish friend I made if she had enjoyed her mat leave, she replied "Does anyone?" It really made me laugh.

I'm sure some do and we all probably enjoy some bits but just saying- you are NOT alone!

AegonT · 17/10/2024 09:10

Could you go back in a month when she's 6 months? Nothing wrong with that!

Mum7644885 · 17/10/2024 11:57

@AegonT nursery don’t have the space available other wise I would definitely be considering it

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